Is there a type of residence where an aging mother and a partly disabled daughter can live together?

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Mother extremely physically able, but has early stage of dementia. Daughter is partly disabled with chronic illness limiting her ability to do much housekeeping or to do much food shopping and prepare healthy meals for two every day. A dinner only situation would be fine. Also, a cook who came twice a week and made nutritional dishes for daughter to warm and serve, with mother's current help, every evening would be good. Mother is now in a retirement facility in area and receives help with having daily medication given to her, which she's not able to manage on her own. However, mother very much dislikes the social requirements of this setting large scale residence where all dine together daily. She would do better in either much smaller facility with daughter, or, in a residence modeled on the Care Cottage idea. Something like a private residential unit or ..... best of all ..... a small unit for mother and one for daughter that are next door, close together or nearby Mother has full coverage insurance for all in-home medical care she will need for remainder of her life. Daughter will be on Medicaid and then Medicare for disabled under 65 (she is 59) and presently receives state disability pension, but would not receive full pension until 65, and will then (theoretically) also receive SS as well. Daughter wants to do this so mother will be more comfortable in her current, presently only mild difficulty dealing with social situations. Mother is actually outgoing person who does have friends in area and would like to continue bowling in the two leagues twice a week she's been in for past 20 or so years (is former, professional bowler, now with bowling average of 170) but has just recently had to give up driving, and is unable to arrange her own transport, and is very frustrated with this, not wanting to have to take expensive cab rides. Mother also needs transport and accompaniment to doctors appointments, which are offered where she lives now, but is expensive and mother dislikes having to go through with strangers. She also receives a great deal of personal happiness by being able to go to hairdresser weekly. Nearby family now are too busy to give her any of this transport either..... so daughter would be able to help mother enormously, as a driver, with this transport so mother can continue these personally rewarding activities as long as she's able. Eventually, it must be assumed mother will need 24 hour home nursing care, which she is covered for by her insurance, as mentioned above, since daughter would not be capable of physical care like bathing, dressing, toileting, feeding, etc. Daughter feels if she can supervise this care, and have established this home setting with mother, mother may be able to avoid having to go to a nursing home altogether, and possibly even have hospice care at home. Once daughter is alone, she will probably not want to continue to live in this home or setting alone, herself. Also, daughter may be able to use some rehabilitation care to increase and maintain strength and endurance after having been too inactive due to chronic health problems living alone in Chicago. Finally, this place does not necessarily have to be in the immediate Lake Worth/ West Palm area at all ..... somewhere even 20 - 50 miles from here would be fine. (Daughter also still -- very tentatively -- considering possibilities of living further north with Mother, as daughter does not like Florida's warm, humid weather, which is difficult on her own health. This could be GA, SC, NC, even VA. Daughter loves living in her city, Chicago, and also considers someplace in Chicago area, probably suburban, she might find a residential situation like this for her and mother, though brother in West Palm area believes this would be complicated. Daughter does not agree.

Thanks so much for your attention to reading this, and any suggestions, information, or extending advice you might be able to offer me, the daughter, Barbara Hunt.

Answers 1 to 4 of 4
I live in NH but in same situation.My Mom is 76 and my Dad is 85.I spend weekends with them now.My Dad has been Diagnosed with Dimencia.He is still a little capable of doing small tasks.But,I see my Mom getting very frustated.They now for 10 years have lived in Subsidized housing.They are in a two bedroom apt.I could very easily live with them.I live with my Grandaughter now.O am 56 and have been on SSD for 6 years.I have Bipola,PSTD,but usually do very well.They sure do feel more comfortable when I am there on weekends.Does the Goverment have any exceptions so they do Not have to move.This would be way to hard for Both of them.Sincerely,Very Concerned Daughter
Hi Lynn,

That's a big situation you have there, affecting your granddaughter too. I'm pretty sure that you qualify at this point, being on disability, to apply for medicaid, so that within a year, you should also receive medicare. When you have medicaid or medicare, (due to disability) in my state, you are also eligible for the public housing available specifically to seniors and disabled, who end up sharing these buildings. I'm surprised you don't have a caseworker or social worker who have not informed you of this. You really do need to contact your nearest Public Aid office, and see if you can get a Social Worker assigned to your situation that can help you and your mother search for a building with subsidized rental rates that would fit all four of you together -- though if you are comfortable about living where your parents do, now, you could possibly get put in the rental agreement and pay less for your rent too. The social worker should also help you find other services, such as in home care for your dad, when he begins to need more of it, and hopefully someone to help with some of the cleaning and cooking. Sometimes city services can provide things like this. Also contact local senior centers for your dad's transportation if your mom or you can't help him with that -- and possibly even a senior center daycare program.

Good luck!
Teranell - It would be my guess that most Independent and Assisted Senior Communities would be happy to accommodate the living situation you describe. Daughter is over 55 (even if she wasn't, it probably wouldn't be hard to find a community willing to make an exception). I'd look for a smaller community - they're usually the most adept at customizing support.
They'd probably be candidates for independent living with some scheduled care (medication management, bathing, etc.). So, mom's insurance might be able to cover the lion's share of the rent and care, and they'd just have to come up with the daughter's "second person fee."
The trick, as it is so often, is paying for it. Sounds like the mom has insurance that might cover most of her costs. Daughter would almost surely have to move once mom died, unless Medicaid covers AL in your area.
Hawaii? Regency at Puakea in Lihue, on Kauai is beautiful and would work. They have a pool and beautiful grounds. they are across the a few blocks from a little little mall. They are adjacent to a lovely golf course good for walking.
I am not sure all the locations that have Regency brand homes. They could each have a studio apartment.

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