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My grandmother is 86, has Parkinsons & Alzheimers. She is weak & dependent on others for care. She is living with my aunt (her daughter) & my sister is her caregiver. (comes in daily 8:30-5) My aunt has steadily drained my grammie's bank acct. to the tune of over 100K over the last 8 months. She has manipulated my grandmother & has her kind of brainwashed. They have a rather sick relationship. I just recently learned my aunt is "convincing" my grandmother to sign over the rest of her $ (only 40K left now) to her, as well as her house, so she can qualify for govt. assistance/medical care.

1st of all, she probably won't get it anyway because they'd find out about the transfer of funds & deny her. But by then my grandmother's $ will be gone. My aunt gives it all to her drug addict son & her other son who barely works. Plus she spends large amounts on herself.
She also ignores my grandmother, doesn't give her meds properly, rarely makes sure she bathes, & leaves her alone for long periods. It's deplorable. I'm stuck here as my sister's source of income is my grandmother. If I report all this she may very well lose her job. Of course my aunt will hate me as well.

The rest of the family isn't even aware of what my aunt is doing. She is such a master manipulator that no one suspects & they all think she's a saint for taking care of her mom. If only they knew. I have recently told one of my uncles. He's says he's going to look into it. Anyone else experienced anything like this? Should I just call adult protective services? This is such a mess. Also, my grandmother, even though she's being mistreated, will defend her daughter. She is so brainwashed she will back her up probably. I don't want her to hate me. I love my grammie very much. It kills me to watch this.....

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SO THEY ARE GOING TO GO BACK FOR 5 YEARS...DO I HAVE TO HAVE BANK STATEMENTS FOR 5 YEARS....TO THEY SAID THAT MADE MY MOM SIGN A PAPER "MEDICAID PROGRAM TRANSFER OF RESOUCES ACKNOULEDMENT"DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS IT WAS NOT WITNESS AND I DNT THINK THATS MY MOMS SIGNATUREI AM MEETING TOMMORROW WITH ADULT FOR ABUSE..FOR BANK FRAUD...THANKS..
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In order for her to be on Medicaid for a nursing home, she has to be approved. That means that they'll do a five year look back at ALL of her financial picture including any large withdrawals. They have to account for it all.

Anyone ever hear of bank fraud? How about mail fraud? How about forgery?
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BECAUSE MY SISTER IN LAW IS TELLING US THAT THEY DID HAVE THE RIGHT AND THAT THEY ARE NOT GOING TO PAY MONEY BACK.(.EVEN THE BANK SAID THAT THEY DNT HAVE THE RIGHT).MOM AND DAD HAD..$36000.00 THAT THEY HAD TO TRANSFER.. SO MY MOM CAN GET IN NURSING HOME.AND GET ON MEDICADE .MY SISTER- IN- LAW TRANFERED THAT MONEY TO A ACCOUNT THAT SHE OPEN JUST UNDER HER DADS NAME..WHICH THAT WHAT THEY WERE TOLE TO DO..BUT DID SHE HAVE THE RIGHT TO TRANSFER THAT MONEY TO ANOTHER ACCOUNT UNDER HER NAME AT A DIFFERENT BANK..IMY STEP DAD DIED IN SEPTEMBER AND I MOVED MY MOM FROM LOUISIANA TO OREGON....SO I WAS ABLE TO GET HER IN A NURSING HOME HERE..BUT WE DO HAVE A APPOINTMENT WITH MEDICADIE IN JANUARY TO GET HER ON...IF I HAVE TO SHOW ALL BANKS STATEMENTS FOR THE LAST YEAR HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THE MONEY THAT WAS TRANSFERED...IS THIS GOING TO BE ON ME OR HER...THE MONEY THAT SHE TRANFERED FROM MY MOTHERS ACCOUNT...SHE DIDNOT USE FOR MY MOTHER SHE TRANSFERED IT OUT TO THE JOINT ACCOUNT..TO HIER DADS ACCOUNT AND THAN TO HER PERSONAL ACCOUNT..FOR MY MOMS NEEDS..THANKS...THEY ARE MAD AT ME BECAUSE THEY ARE SAYING THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE MOVED MY MOM BY ME BECAUSE I MESSED UP THINGS WITH MEDICAID...SHOULS I BE RUNNING SCARE OR THEY WORRIED..
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Red Alert!!! Call Adult Protective Services asap. If it was just a small amount for taking care of her, and things she needs that would be different . But, 100,000.00 no way.
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MY SISTER IN LAW TOOK MONEY FROM MY MOTHER OWN PERSONAL BANK ACCOUNT (ONLY MOTHERS NAME ON ACCOUNT..SHE TOOK MY MOTHER TO THE BANK BECAUSE SHE SAID THAT AFTER A YEAR MEDICAIDE TOLE HER SHE HAD TO HAVE OWN ACCOUNT)MOTHER IN NURSING HOME.SHE SAID THAT MEDICAIID TOLE HER SHE COULD..TOLE HER IT WAS FRAUD...SAID THAT SHE HAD THE RIGHT BECAUSE MY MOTHER COULD NOT KEEP MORE THAN $2000.00 IN ACCOUNT...TOP IT OFF SHE WHEN ON BANK ONLIVE AND TRANFER MONEY INTO HER OWN ACCOUNT..
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And yes, your Aunt is doing something wrong if or when she tries to get medicaid,within 5 years, but the government will be on top of that. To me it still goes back to the uncles, that is their inheritance she is spending too.
Again, sorry, but if you go to court things can get so twisted and turned.
My daughters dad was in a "vegative state" after a car wreck. She was made guardian. Well the great uncle and aunt who had never been in his house wanted in on the deal because there was a law suite to the tune of 10 million (it was a major company that caused the wreck, negligence ran a stop sign)
They took her to court, lied and had their attorney "imply" that daughter was "sleeping with her dad's doctor". INSANE! She was engaged to a totally different doctors (different city) son and he was in pre med, but they threw that out there and the implication - just the implication which was a lie hurt her. They made the 85 year old uncle a co-guardian. She was a college graduate from IU - on deans list often - graduated from the school of business there. In the end (after 9 years of batttling in court - he passed of a seizure in middle of night - all the court cost, the family feuds meant NOTHING. She was the sole heir. Albiet, the attorneys got 3/4 of the money. They money she got she put in a trust fund for her children, said it was blood money and she wanted no part of it. Once you get involved in the courts....anything goes.
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Allshesgot: Thank you for your support in my post. I did not mean to point finger, say the Aunt was right...just wanted to (like I said in another post) play devil's advocate. When you open a can of worms, you better be able to deal with the mess.
Just wanted to warn that things can get mean, messy and ultar the family permantly if not handled gently. I am sorry luvmygram that you took my post so critically. My intent was for you to think about the out come for any impulsive decisions.
As far as your sister goes, this country is full of many people not complying with federal rules...I agree your sister does need the help and there are many that abuse the system because they are lazy. I meant no disrespect, it's just if the ball starts rolling and it is probably going to come back on her. That is why I felt you should have the uncle speak with the aunt and maybe put some fear in her so this won't get carried away.
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Thank you very much for your response. You gave me a lot to think about. I think I am going to step back, not that I've done anything yet anyway. I am not going to get into this at all. You are right in saying it's her choice to do what she wants with her money. It's her choice. She has been half supporting my aunt for many yrs. now but she wants to do it I guess.
You have a good point in that grammie will stand by her daughter & defend her, regardless. She will do that & I know it. Even if her daughter did something very obviously wrong, she would still defend her & probably be very angry with anyone saying anything against her daughter. No, I don't want to be that person.

thank you to everyone who has given such thoughtful answers. I appreciate all the care & time you took to write.
I am going to continue to be a support with daily phone calls, emails & an ear for all 3 of them. I will be there visiting again soon for a wk. & will go there more often. That's the best I can do.
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Luvmygram...with all do respect. "The problem with reaching out this way" is that we don't know the whole story and are giving advice on some assumptions. That didn't mean we think these assumptions are facts,we are simply giving advice from these different angles. We appreciate you awnsering questions to help us understand the situation better. Golf cared enough to take time to awnser your question to help you...like you requested. These are the facts I do understand. Your grandmas daughter is caring for her and has hired her granddaughter your sister to be a caregiver also. Grandma has ala. And parkinsons. Your concern is that she is not being cared for properly, but she is being cared for properly by your sister. Your other concern is that her daughter is mishandling her money. You live in another state and are getting your info from sister...I understand completely her fear,I understand what its like to have a child you would do anything to take care of them. That didn't change when the child grows up. To your grandmother,her helping her daughter pay the late mortgage is somthing most parents would want to do for their children. If someone told my mother it wasn't right for her to help one of her children,she would probably show them the door. Even if she had just had a huge disagreements with that child. My point is for you to tread lightly because as close as you are to your Grammy that is still her daughter and she will fight tooth and nail for her child. The last place you want to be if things are not on the up and up is ostracized from geammya life. If Grammy is being physically abused(it doesn't sound like it)then by all means do somthing now but if not I would step back a bit. Your Grammy s relationship with her daughter may not be healthy in other peoples eyes but they both get somthing out of it for it to have been this way all along. There is no crime in this kinda relationship you hear all the time or 40to years or living off of mom and dad. Healthy?no noble?no but it happens in most family somewhere. Taking care of your mom is especially hard...your aunt may sleep on weekends cause she is depressed or burnout. She is lucky to have your sis helping her. Its to hard for one person to do alone. Care is expensive. How much does it cost to hire your sister? Figure that up over a length or time. Medicines for parkinsons expensive, has she had any short hospitalizations? Medicare has strict rules on what they will pay for.many seniors can spend a few hundred dollars in medicine from one hospital stay if they don't meet certain criteria to pay for it. If aunt is a social worker you are right she probably does know the rules,she may have acted like she didn't know to be polite,or avoid the conversation with you. If you go calling agency with a bunch of rumors the first thing they will ask is, what have you witnessed. Grammy relationship with her daughter has likely been like this all her life. You don't want your Grammy being pulled outta her home,and put taken over by strangers. They would be unlikely to pull her from her home and give her to another relative several states away. Its not that simple. You may not want the animosity it would create between the family. Unless you KNOW your aunts intentions not just assume them,I would step back. If aunt messesup the money part with Medicaid and has to pay a lot of ninety outta pocket that's on her. You can try to give advice. But if she don't listen that's her mess up. If grandma wants to continue this type of relationship with her daughter..that's grandmas right. You could probably do more good by being the supportive granddaughter/niece. Lend them an ear when they get on each others nerve..offer advice. Love and support them. But getting into custody issues over grandma may make you the bad guy. Remember grandma may not want to be rescued. Please don't take anything said as being mean or rude. I really don't think that is anyones intent.



..disagreement with her child. My point to that is for
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One other thing, I see you mentioned my sister being wrong in not reporting her income yet you didn't mention my aunt having my gram sign all her money over to "fraud" the govt. so she can get services. That's ok in your book? Also, think about this..... If you sign over thousands of $$ then apply for benefits, do you think that would be noticable??? Duh! I mentioned that to my aunt recently, saying "when you apply for benefits you are asked about assets & anything transferred recently. Grammie would not get benefits & you would get in trouble for fraud if you do this." Her response "oh, I didn't know that." Interesting, considering she works for social services.
& guess what? She still plans on having her funds all transferred to her. So you tell me I'm just being paranoid & my aunt is doing nothing wrong. I love my aunt but she has stolen from many of us over the yrs. & is very sneaky & manipulative. She is also VERY smart, brilliant perhaps. She knows what she's doing & is very calculated. Plays stupid very well, or at least thinks she does. Has no idea anyone is onto her. So I won't be dropping it & hoping all will turn out ok.

I'm going to visit my gram right after Xmas. Gram has said many times she wants to come stay with me, so may be exploring that option, even if just for a visit.
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@ golfbhard. This is the problem with reaching out in this way. People "assume" things & pass judgement. Given how much your answer angers me I will be ending this thread now & using my best judgement. First however, I will be answering your questions & tell you how wrong you are.
Thank you for the info you did give me.

No business of my sisters??? She's the only thing doing something wrong?
1st of all, my aunt TOLD my sister she pays her sons rent. Most all the info my sister has came directly from my aunt. My aunt has told me much of this also.
My sister was in an abusive relationship with her husband & left, moved in with aunt & grandma, & struggling financially. So she didn't report her income, as she probably should have, but my niece is often sick due to a bad case of asthma & she didn't dare to risk losing medicaid. She is normally blatantly honest & I was actually shocked she didn't report her income.

As for my mother...... My mother is mentally ill, narcisstic personality disorder, & very abusive to her children. (me, my sister & brother) I have not spoken to her in almost 2 yrs. after repeated attempts to help her over the yrs. to no avail & only to be treated worse than I have by my worst enemy. So contacting her is not an option. Go ahead & pass judgment on me now too, but you don't know the story so......

Her other children, 2 sons. (my uncles) One I contacted. He's the one who hopefully will deal with this. The other uncle has not been contacted yet, but he has not been very involved with her & quite frankly acts like he doesn't care most of the time & didn't bother with her when she lived in the same town. He also is a huge blabbermouth & you can not trust him wtih ANYTHING sensitive. So I only have one person I could go to, my uncle, whom lives a couple states away from my gram. He is a sensible, reasonable, christian man, with a big heart. I'm sure he will handle it properly.

Lastly, my sister does do all the care mentioned & more... She goes above & beyond!! She is my grandmother's saving grace. So forgive me if I very insulted & annoyed by your comments about my sister. Yes, she does all those things. However, she is not there on the wkend & someone has to care for gram. Not much at all is done. She sleeps most of the day, doesn't bathe, barely takes meds, etc.

I can't get over that statement "but it just seems like the only person doing wrong is your sister. :( "

If you only knew......

BTW, I also know a lot of the things I know because I have always been very close to my gram. Much closer than to my parents. She talks to me openly about things & always has. She is probably closer to me than her children, as she can talk honest & open with me. So forgive me if I feel protective of her & like I should do something even though I'm far away. She was ALWAYS there for me. When my own parents weren't or disowned me, as they often did, gram was always there. She never let me down. So I turn, can not let her down. She's too important. Unfortunately everyone in my family doesn't see that. Especially a couple of her childen!!

Money issue, not abuse? Draining an elderly person's account from over 200K down to 30K in a little over a yr. mainly for your own needs in my boat IS abuse. Financial abuse. So judge on!! I will now move on. Good day.
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ps I forgot to ad, if Aunt is trying to spend down she will get caught because of the 5 year look back....she'll have to cough it up to the nursing home. Again, I think it is no business of your sisters. If your grams stays in aunts home for 5 years she will be ok, but I'm sure the $40,000 will be gone. A nursing home cost around $220.00 per day. Not including meds, supplies, etc. So your Aunt may be shooting herself in the foot anyway. Maybe this is something you can tell your uncle and he can explain to aunt.
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First of all.....where is your parent in this, your grandmas child (mother or father.....deceased)?
I would do a follow up with Uncle, who I assume is Grandmas son....? Have him visit and check her out and talk to him about reporting it. Since you are not a caregiver and am not there on a regular basis I would insist it come from her closer relatives, aka childrlen. If she has AZ some of her complaints my be unfounded (you know I've heard they can turn on loved ones). I would not go to authorities yourself unless you have facts. It seems to me your sister must be doing alot of snooping in the Aunts private business to find out past due payments, paying of rent for son, etc. This I believe is not in good judgement of your sister in fact it is an invasion of privacy that she has been intrusted to be in the home to care for grandma not snoop on the aunt. If it turns out that the Aunt is doing something wrong, I believe you need to let her children do the detective work. Also, I don't know about law, but your sister not turning in pay and getting federal assistance is a no no....probably have to pay it back??? It sounds more of a money issue to me than an abuse issue. I'msorry, that is just my feeling on reading this thread. But by all means, d
o NOT ignore it, just keep on the uncle and aunts to do it....you can threaten that if they don't you will. But I don't see it as your place....states away. Have uncle take grams to doc and see if there are any signs of abuse. Your aunt is providing a home for your grams. And actually, if I hired my neice to look after my mom I would expect her to give meds, bath, feed nutricious meals, visit and nuture, take care of all necessities....not snoop in my private affairs. Sorry this sounds so mean, but it just seems like the only person doing wrong is your sister. :(
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To luvmygram, This is a short and simple answer. The issue can be put in a very few words. Are the actions of Grandma's daughter a crime? If it is, then the law enforcement agencies will handle it. If it is not, then there is little that you can do. I strongly encourage you to report this matter to the police rather than the D. A. because the D. A. is positioned to take over only after the police have investigated.
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Thank you for letting us know you are reading the responses. I commend you for realizing your sister's decisions were hers, and therefore, she is responsible for the consequences. Although I advocate for older adults and their rights, I can appreciate the position you are in. Families are made up of humans and are not perfect. They can be quite messy at times. I'm glad your grandmother has someone who cares this much for her. Good luck.
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I want to thank all of you for taking the time to respond & give me such good information. I really appreciate the thought that went into your responses. I will respond more thoroughly to all the questions soon. I just wanted to pop in here to let you know I am reading all these.
@mayasbop: The reason I feel stuck is because my sister wasn't reporting her income & is now saying if an investigation is launched things could get twisted & she can be dragged in the middle. She gets medicaid for my neice, whom has asthma & is worried she will not if her income is reported & she will get in trouble for not doing so. So she has asked me not to say anything right now. Puts me in a real bad spot. No, I am not dependent on $ in any way from my grandmother.

As for the brainwashing thing..... Long story short, it has been going on for many, many yrs. My aunt has used her parents for as long as can remember conning them into paying for everything, buying her new appliances, cars, etc, etc. Making them feel they are dependent on her, kind of crippling them as they feel they needed her so much yet at the same time she would be draining them. There is a long history there. Grandfather was ill for a long time before he passed away.
It has just continued. My grandmother will say my aunt is mean & hint around she knows she's spending her money, then a few min. later cozy up to her, or make excuses for her & say things like "poor Suzy, she's going through so much. she's so good." There's a lot more but this is just an example.

I have found out recently that my aunt is behind 2 months on her mortgage & guess who just paid it. Also, she has been paying her kids rent for over a yr. while taking my grams $ & saying she can't pay her bills. My uncle is supposed to be looking into this but I haven't heard yet. I will not wait too long though as I feel I am doing my grammie an injustice. It's my sister's own fault she got herself into this mess with her not reporting things & now she wants me to hold off reporting even though she's the one who tells me all the stuff.

I do not live there, nor am I responsible for her day to day care. I live several states away & only visit. I am aware how hard it is to care for her & commend my aunt for taking her in & giving her a home. I know it's not easy. However, my gram has given up a lot & continues to give up most of her assets. I am working on trying to get her to come stay with us. It's a big job as I'm not sure I can get her to leave. She's said she wants to move out (my gram) but when it comes down to it I'm not sure she'd leave my aunt. Very dependent. And YES, she will defend her. She told my sister once when she was talking about her being mean, "I dont' want to lose my daughter." So I think she'd feel guilty & like she was betraying her. It really is a crappy situation.

No one else in the family has offered to have her stay with them either. ON the contrary, they aren't very involved & offer little support. Family. Sometimes complete strangers can be more compassionate.

Anyway, there are many more questions & I will get to them. I just don't have the time right now to answer all. Thanks again everyone.
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This will be a bit long......What was the situation before 8 months ago?

This is sticky. I'm assuming gran is not in imminent danger, my suggestion is that before you contact anyone, can your sister put on her best Nancy Drew and get documentation? What she needs to look for are bank statements that are about 6 to 8 months apart for 3 years, same for receipts for medications, credit card statements. Get them, run to Kinko's & them return them without your aunt or grannie knowing. I would NOT let grannie know what you are doing, as it sounds she is aligned with her daughter no matter what. The checks that are of a significant amount (over 5K) you need to have front & back copies of. If any are over 10K the bank is keeping track of those because of Homeland Security issues
Also you need to find her annual SS retirement statement - this comes out every January so that is right around the corner. If she get's any federal or RR retirement their annual statement come out in Jan too. Make a copy of those and ny other retirement/annuity or other income producing assets. If sis is there 8:30 - 5 every day she has time to do this and do it carefully. This way you have an accurate idea of what gran's assets truly are.

If your gran has selected your aunt as her DPOA, MPOA and perhaps even "Guardian in case of incapacity", then she (your aunt) has the upper hand in all this, so you better make sure whatever documentation you have is locktight. If your sister is getting paid under the table for gran, this could become a real issue in court if she wants co or full guardianship & IRS wise for her.

Gran can choose to give your aunt and her nephews $$$ if she wants to. Even if they are worthless POS. The ? is....is she competent and cognitive to do so?

What does her medical chart say? Has your sister gone to any doctors appointments with her & if so what did the doctor say?

Now if APS comes in who is going to take care of gran? Are you willing to drop and stop everything so gran can move in with you? Do you have a home that can provide her a private room & bath and whatever else is available at your aunt's house? Are you or other family members willing to go to court to be appointed grans guardian or conservator; provide the documentation that you are suitable & perhaps be bonded; and deal with the reporting and court hearings?

I have been executrix twice for 2 aunts estates and probate court where this is held is usually also where they do guardianships/conservatorships and I have heard an earful of family friction on this very issue. It is hard to prove what is elder financial fraud when it is within the family as so much of the $ is co-mingled and the elder often wants to help the family member. The judge has a tough decision. So often they can & usually do the "devil that you know route" that is without obvious abuse like produce photos they are living in absolute squalor, they are in & out of the ER, have open wounds, APS has a pretty damming report, etc, they will usually let the elder continue to live in the home but will tell the caregiver (your aunt) that she has to report to either the court or APS for a period of time. In other words "the devil that you know is better than the devil you don't know". If that happens it will not be pretty for you and your sister will be out of a job.

The other option is for the court of appoint an outsider to handle the elder's case -
The G/C judge does NOT have to appoint you or a family member as the G/C. If there is family friction or abuse, they will appoint an outsider to manage the elder's affairs and that person will be paid to do so out of the person’s assets. There is always a paralegal representing law firms about the courthouse that are there to have their firm appointed as guardian/conservator. The Court has the right to remove the elder from all family members and make him a Ward of the State.
If this happens family is cut out of the picture entirely in where she goes & what the $ is spent on. If there is $ and the family is not all kum-ba-ya on gran's care then the judge will often make them a ward of the state just to shut everybody up.

Regarding your aunts spending down gran's $ in order to qualify for "govt. assistance/medical care", your gran should already be on Medicare, she qualified for that once she turned 65. She might also have a secondary insurer, like BCBS or a Medicare supplement plan. Before you go and contact APS you need to know what's what & available for gran's care.

If your aunt is looking for Medicaid to step in to pay for gran's care then that would likely be when gran moves into a NH. She doesn't need that right now as your sister is being paid for providing in-home care daily. If & when she moves into a NH and applies for Medicaid, the look-back period is 5 years. Could your aunt be planning and doing a spend-down right now so that she is eligible for 2016?

Whatever the case, your aunt or whomever places gran into a NH will need to provide documentation to the state to account for gran's assets for up to 5 years prior to qualify for Medicaid to pay for the NH. Also you sign off in the application for the state to access any accounts gran has, so if $, property or other assets were transfered within that period, the state will find out eventually. A penalty is placed on the persons NH account that the family will have to private pay till the penalty period is over, this usually comes up after they have been accepted into the NH "Medicaid pending". The penalty is a % equation for this which depends on each state's NH average NH rate & medicaid reinbursement. If your aunt has had control over the assets for the 5 years prior, the NH will come to her for the $ if gran is assesed a penalty. She can ask, as DPOA for gran, for the state for a waiver, do an appeal, have hearings, etc - it will keep her busy and can be a real nightmare. So she won't get away from doing this IF she is doing transfers to get gran poor to qualify for Medicaid

My point is you need to think this through carefully. I'd see if there is an aunt or uncle that wants to take over for gran's care and financial management or co-manage it with you. Good Luck.
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Please don't take offence in any way to my reply. It is based on facts. This is one of those 'tread lightly' gray areas. Have your Grandma's physicians in any way noted any concern over your Gma's wellbeing? Has her health declined? How active are you in the care of your Gma or do you only visit? Does anyone have POA or Guardianship? You mentioned a 'sick relationship and manipulation' and brainwashing. Someone suffering from Alzheimers is difficult to manipulate or brainwash. Even to coerce them to take a bath or their meds can be extremely difficult at times and can lead to the afflicted becoming combatitive. Force can't be used at any time for any reason. Even though a person has a memory issue they still have rights. Have the Adult Protective Services do a well being check on your Grandma. How informed are you in the many facets of Alzheimers? If the rest of the family has a different view on your Gma and Aunts situation are they actively participating in any way to notice the things you point out? When a third party steps in to settle such disputes it can be a can of worms that in the end only hurts the one that deserves the most consideration. Someone such as your Gma. It happened in my family. My sibling was concerned about our Mom and granted we were at odds on Mom's care. She wanted to place Mom in a facility and Mom wanted to be in her home. Our Dad had 3 months prior to the time passed away so we were all in a highly emotional state. She wanted to be in her home with her little dog. (Her house is mortgage free). My sibling had POA, which Mom revoked and Mom and I did a caregiver contract. Since my sibling initiated a petition for Guardianship and we weren't speaking at the time, the court brought in an outside organization and gave them guardianship. Granted Mom gets a portion of her benefits, but if she wants to just get up and go I have to go thru the court and get approval before Mom can in any way spend any of her money. These are my Mom's last days and it so hurts me that her money is sitting and not at her convience to enjoy with her family. Granted it isn't sums such as your Gma's, but the principles are the same. Any estate remaining goes to my sibling and myself. And what good is that knowing the pleasure it would have given Mom to travel the way she likes. My sibling and I now see how we were manipulated into third party involvement. The well being of your Gma is MOST important. Bless you for your concerns, but please handle with full, factual, information. Changes are not one of the areas that go smoothly to someone suffering from Alzheimers.
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Who takes care of grandmother after your sister leaves at 5:00?
If your sister is paid to take care of her shouldn't that include bathing?
I do agree Aunt should not leave her mom alone.
I'm not siding with your Aunt, she may be a horrible swindler, but if the mother will defend her and the Aunt is putting a roof over her head......just devils advocate here as to what she might respond with.
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I agree with sodapopp12 about having someone else do the money. We also had my uncle agree to be my mother's POA instead of my sister but my sister refused to give up her power. That is when we had protective services involved. This was the only way to make her give up her POA as that is what my mother wanted and it was also in the best interest of my mother. It put a neutral party in charge of mom's finances and it was someone who loved her and would do what was necessary to see she wasn't being financially exploited.
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Hi, if you have proof that she has done this with the money, then I would definately report it. I think by taking this to your uncle you have started. If you think this is better dealt with inside the family, then that is your choice. Somethings are better left that way. The authorities aren't going to make it better. I would ask other family members to be in charge of your grandmas money, and when your aunt needs money for her, she would have to ask for it, and give a reason why. This would ensure that the money used is for your grandmother, and her household. It might be easier to appoint an attorney to do this. That way, no one in the family would have to deal with this responsibility. Then, the rest of the family could be given copies of her monthly bank statements, and spending reports. I know this sounds a little business like, but, that is how it should be done. In the end, any money left from your grandma would be left to her heirs. I wouldn't let her daughter have the rest of the money, or the house, because when that is all gone, she will probably stick her in some institution.
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Absolutely!!!!! Don't even wait. I reported my sister and they investigated her and she had to give the money back. Please don't wait. Protective Services and the department of aging in your area will investigate it right away and anonymously if that is what you would like. They will show up there without a word and see what is happening. Please call today!!!!!
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I agree. Report immediately. Generally speaking if your grandmother does have dementia, and, this is a medical fact, you have a strong case. In addition to what is recommended by others, I would suggest filing a police report and seek the advice of your county prosecutor. If you are financially able, seek custody of your grandmother for her protection. As mentioned by others do not wait. God Bless you in your efforts to save your grandmother.
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Why are you stuck? Your grandmother is your sister's source of income, but is she yours? Are you dependent on that income as well?
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Yes, definitely report this! In order to protect your grandmother and the funds she has left, this would be the route to go. Not to mention the moral side of the issue. You obviously care about your grandmother. This happened to my grandmother, but I didn't learn about the awful condition she and her finances were in until after the neglect had taken her life. The lack of care can contribute to illness and even death. Don't wait to take action.
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Yes I would report this immediately. Go to the website for the Department of Health and Senior Services. There will be information on how to report this.
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