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I know I cannot change her refusal to face reality (she will not let us call hospice for support even though many providers have explained and spoken to her about this) yet I wish she could reconcile her life and come to a place of peace. Any suggestions?

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My 68 mother's only choice is palliative radiation. Her lung cancer is too advanced, but and despite my trying to do the best I can, I am verbally abused 90% I am around her. She is in a nursing facility, she has a fractured hip and cannot really walk. Refuses medications and do not mention the Hospice word...I got screamed at...praying she honestly passes soon, she incredibly gaunt, but still unbelievably narcissistic and abusive. Very hard to be kind to her, I just keep going on.
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My has stage 4 liver cancer and the same thing is happening. For a year she has tryed several treatments. Its been hard on my dad and my sisters. I just keep asking her what she want to do? In the last two weeks she has been retaining water and she feels bad doctor has not sugested anymore treatment but water pills. She has become depressed. I believe it should be on her terms and her time i present to just say i love you and get her anything she wants. Its hard not gonna lie but the biggest gift i can give is letting her be the one driving as long as she can and try to input and info that can help her if she want it? So sorry for all your going through. I will say prayers. They will find you and i hope you can find peace.
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Maybe the best thing you can do is allow your mother-in-law to process this information at her own rate and in her own way ..... and listen when or if she needs someone to talk to.
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Aren't there different stages of grief? Isn't 'denial' one of those levels? If so, then that could explain her not wanting to throw in the towel so to speak. At some point she'll have to admit that cancer has beaten her. My mom died this last April of cancer too, so I get it.
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