SecretSister Asked December 2009

Caregiver's Greatest Challenge: What do you do when rational and reason no longer work?

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Sound advice. Managing someone's behavior is hard enough. Wish I didn't have to deal in the legal realm, though. It's over my head & understanding. And much depends on who's pulling what strings. I especially don't like untruths and misrepresentations. Sad and scary, even with legal representation. Praying for a miracle.
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195Austin Dec 2009
The thing or at least one thing was to listen to my own heart and mind forever I always thought I was wrong and others esp. the husband was right and changed my thinking to his and slowly I learned to listen to myself and say to myself I am right and he is wrong for example not let him drive the car or use the lawn tractor. I had to also not let him get me into a verbal exchange that did not make sense and just let it go and realize my trying to make him understand my point of view was pointless and just lead to more arguing and when he treated me with disrespect to leave the area at home and not to go to rehab to visit him when he was nasty in person or on the phone -he had a habit of saying his piece and then slaming down the phone. I had to learn just because he said something it did not make it right and that I had a functioning mind.
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Wow! As if watching out for mom and dad is not enough... You have your hands full. Thank God you have your mom and dad secure, and their needs met. Will keep your other things in prayer, for you, as well. You're a trooper. Praying all works out well for you and your folks' situation.

I know what you mean about getting bogged down. While we don't look for praise for our efforts, we sure don't expect to get sheared for them, and sometimes that hurts. Someday, though, a crown. Thanks for your encouragement, (even during your trial...) You're a blessing! :)
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mitzipinki Dec 2009
Oh Secret... I'm a pit bull with protecting mom and dad regardless of what they think or believe. Oooohh am I having an issue with my uncle (mom's baby brother) and I mean, I don't let go!! This is a new learning curve for me! LOL But sometimes climbing the mountain so high to protect them does lead to a crusade. Seriously.

You also have to remember, we are not rewarded by man. Our deeds should be in praise to our Father. It is easy to lose sight, and sadly I am guilty of that also (even as of recently).

I'm just a daughter, only child, trying to provide for two parents. I got some news this afternoon that has thrown another wrench into things, but God has not failed me thus far. Instead of grasping to fix (hands faced down and grabbing hold), I need to exalt (turned in praise to heaven) and release it in thanksgiving.

I can only speak for me and right now I'm speaking to me. God shuts many doors when I try and I feel like I'm suffocating, gasping for air. But I have the breath of Life... unbelievably if I inhale/exhale normally, God will provide somehow, some way.

Be brave and fearless! Don't let this bog down your life. Take the duties on when needed. Nothing more, nothing less. We are conquerers (looking like sheep being led to the slaughter). Don't ever forget, we are a King's Kid!! ;)
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I seek God's direction, and he has put some amazing people into my life. Funny thing, as difficult as mother is, through this, it has brought some wonderful people into my life because of the situation with her. I've learned so much, and have been challenged. I seek godly counsel, as God suggests, and ask for help in prayer. He does help. But sometimes that takes time.

Just the other day, an attorney called, whom someone had referred me to, when God had closed all other doors. I didn't even want to talk to yet another attorney, but he persuaded me to tell the story anyway. And his response was different than any I had heard. Apparently he's not of the same philosophy others adhere to, and he has offered hope.

I cannot fight the system without help and without hope. I don't even understand the system, and what I've learned of it, I don't like. But I do know this, it's right to fight for our loved ones, whether they understand the battle or not. As for the system, I hope to walk away intact. What a mess! It's a shame when good people get punished when they are doing right. And it's a shame when those with problems don't get them addressed. When one is genuinely trying to help, and is punished for it, that's a mark against the system. I'm not a crusader, just a daughter, trying to help two people out. And God is guiding me along the way. It's just he hasn't told me all the answers yet... Guess I'll have to see how his plan unfolds. I think you do understand. God bless you, too, Mitzipinki!
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mitzipinki Dec 2009
Secret.... as I stated in the other post.... there comes a time to put it into God's hands. We (children of a narcissistic parent[s]) have a lot invested in this emotionally, financially, physically, etc. I don't believe this mental disorder is as common as people believe. Until a person experiences this level (throughout a lifetime), I don't believe there is going to be fair input.

You need to get your input from God, since you profess your love and devotion. It is NOT easy. Many times I find myself talking to myself out loud, so I can physically give this situation to God. I have gotten sick, muscles ache, exhaustion, etc, because I have over-worried, over-done, and tried to play her game... I cannot do it. So all I can do is my best according to the laws of the land.

What I can do is try to change the laws. Be a part of that movement. It may not happen in my mother's lifetime, but that is what I can do for mom, regardless of what she believes. I can fight within the boundaries of the law to the best of my ability, but in the end.... as God gave - free will. I cannot usurp God's gift.

As much as it sucks to watch your mother's destruction... you reach a point.... well, only you know that.

Seek God's wisdom. He created us... He knows us best. It is the only place you will draw comfort from. All I can do is empathize with you, because I definitely understand. God bless!
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How does everyone else handle this type of difficulty? Thanks for your input and prayers.
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What is the best way to handle a battle of wills with a loved one who demands from us things that are unhealthy, unreasonable, and unwise? If safety, health, and financial issues are at stake, what is the best approach for guiding a loved one who truly doesn't understand their needs and actions? I currently have court-appointed Guardianship and Conservatorship, but even this is being challenged, because my loved one doesn't like restraints. There are a lot of issues here, and I am weary of the struggle with a broken person in a broken system. The struggle has great physical, emotional, financial, and personal costs. Looking for wise input. Thank you.
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