By putting my mom is a nursing home, am I giving her permission to let go?
Hello to all. Some of you may know I put Mom in a nursing home 3 weeks ago because of rapidly increasing problems with dementia and safety issues. My hope at the time was that the activities and increased socialization would help ground her, and that she would have more help and support with her activities of daily living. After she was admitted she became very confused and had hallucinations. These initially resolved and as recently as a week ago Friday, 11/13, she knew me and could talk about her concerns. She asked where she was and when I told her this was her new home, she said she needed to buckle up and get a new attitude about her situation. I guess she changed her mind, because since then her condition has plummeted. She has stopped eating and drinking, the day nurse strongly suggested Hospice, which was started on Tuesday. She is no longer responding verbally. She has periods of terrible agitation (hospice calls it "terminal agitation") for which she is being given Ativan. Over the weekend her extremities have become bluish/purple and mottled, she doesn't swallow anything. Her earlobes have dropped back, and she is in the very end stages of dying. I can't believe how fast this happened.
This is the last thing I ever thought would happen. One of my friends said I had to expect this, that the only reason Mom was hanging on while she was at home was because she was worried about me. Ironically (or not) when I was driving her into the nursing home she asked if I would be OK alone, and I said sure, I have the dogs and cats and will be visiting you alot, and I'll be fine. My friend said that by putting her in the NH, I basically told Mom I was OK alone and that I was giving her permission to let go. My husband, sister, and family have all told me not to feel guilty, that Mom is exactly where she needs and wants to be. I suppose it's human nature to second guess your decisions, but to see this happen so fast breaks my heart.
Please pray for Mom's comfort, and that her passage be easy for her. Thank you, friends.