Should I put my elder mom in a memory care facility or provide home care?

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My husband and I are living in the home with her now but she has gotten to the point that we cant take care of her needs regarding hygene, etc as we are in our late 60s and can't do lifting etc. I have 4 siblings who wont help with her care or cant. What do I do?

Answers 1 to 10 of 11
Is there any kind of in-home assistance in your state? There should be at least an area agency on Aging or an Alzheimers Association who can direct you.
no, I spoke with them(senior services) this week and there isn't. We don't have the money to hire someone to come in and stay or I would do that.
Is she perhaps a vet or the widow of a vet? If she is a veteran she would be eligible for a VA hospital. In either case, she might be eligible for Aid and Attendance which would be helpful for both in home and assisted living (or nursing home) care.
Top Answer
If you only need caregiver assistance (as opposed to skilled nursing) it may not be that cost prohibitive to hire in-home help. You'll have to assess your needs and figure out how much care you need.
Do you just need someone for personal care? Or do you need around the clock care?
If you hire privately, as opposed to using an agency, you can save money...but you have to do all the screening, background checks, etc.
I once calculated that, even if I hired someone 24 hrs/day it would still be less than paying a NH in our area. Of course, you would have to be very organized and schedule back up people, etc. There is also a loss of privacy with having someone in your home. And once your Mom needed more "medical" type care, you would probably have to think more on the lines of a NH.
These are the things I think about daily...and there never seems to be a perfect solution. So, I just go with the best one. good luck
Thanks for the encouragement. Last night was a long one. She started the yelling early ( about an hour after getting her to bed) then got up and wandered the house telling everyone to leave (invisible people) so I talked to her at length and she thought we had moved her to a strange house and this wasn't hers. Finally got her to bed about 5 am then she got back up so my husband got up so I could get some sleep. I am convinced that we cannot continue to try and care for her here and need to take her to a memory care facility. As I get more into this processes I find out more things I didn't know. Like having power of attorney or guardianship. The hardest part of all is seeing my Mother go through this, it is surreal and breaks my heart.
Has your mom seen the doctor lately? Maybe they can prescribe something to help her sleep. In nursing homes they usually give them medication for sleep and to reduce anxiety.
scshar: I know what you mean about watching a loved one go through the ravages of old age. Mom does not have Alz., but her body is so frail and bent over. I took her to the doctor the other day and watched her struggle so hard to appear "normal." It was if she was saying, "I am still here." I also try to get docs to speak directly to her because her mind is fine, but they judge her by how she looks.
I came home and balled my eyes out. My Mom was once a vibrant and active and person who had a personality that people found "magnetic." Now I see her struggling to not "disappear" and I am in awe of it.
I, too, have been trying to arrange in-home care for her and plan to increase it as time goes on. The next step may have to be a facility or return to her home state for care. I am normally a decisive person who can tackle any situation and find a good solution, but this one is testing my mettle.
Our gov. health system talks about helping seniors "aging in place" but does very little to give us good alternatives to "warehousing." Even though I know Mom may need a care facility in the near future, it kills me that she has to be in one.
Good luck...I hope you find the peace of mind to make the best decision for your Mom (PS: do you have her POAs?)
It is hard to answer your question about memory care versus in-home care without having much more information. Is your home conducive to meeting your Mom's needs, especially stairs and bathroom? What is quality of memory care in your area? There are some outstanding memory care programs, where the physical environment has been designed to meet the special needs of those with Alzheimer's or related dementia. They incorporate activity-based group and individualized activities throughout the day. Staff is specially trained. Food is specially prepared and served. Unfortunately, there also are places that claim to be memory care that do little more than warehouse older adults behind locked doors. What is the quality of home health care? What is the cost of memory care and home health in your area? What can you/she afford?
Sorry havent been on here for awhile. Busy time. The area that Mom lives in is so remote there aren't any care facilities that meet her needs. The ones that are here are full but they don't accept memory care clients. So we have found one that will take her. Now is just the long process of all the red tape. It is near to the rest of the family so I hope they will go visit her there.Thank all for the support and good luck to you all too.
Tell your siblings that they will get what they give. Who is going to take care of them? Not you I hope. clsichasi

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