My step-dad bought his privately hired caregiver a used car, and gave her $5,000. Should I let her know she will be fired if she accepts any more gifts?

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My step-dad bought his privately hired caregiver a used car, (because she has to take him to doctors out of town every few months and her vehicle was failing) and gave her $5,000. We have discussed this. I have spoken to her and she yelled at me saying that it was his idea, and the money is going towards her little girls education. At first he was going to be 10,000! Now, every time he discusses what he wants her to do, she blames it on me.
We now have a few other people coming in and she is not coming in 7 days a week. It started out to be just weekends, then went to 5 days a week, then she was dropping in every day. She started taking him to her church, he said he liked the breakfasts, she brings her daughters over.
We live in a small community, and access to caregivers is expensive and limited.
It all comes down to what he wants. He is 91, and mentally sound. I know he gets lonely and he likes her company.
My question is, should I report her, or just let her know that she will be fired if she accepts any more gifts?

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Report her. A person who is caring ? for another that needs a caretaker, should know how lonely & needy to just have company or someone to be with, talk to, etc. would pretty much give their life savings for it.
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Wow, this story made me cringe. It is because of greedy, manipulative caregivers like the one you described that I finally put Dad in AL (although it's not a bad idea to watch those places as well).

My last straw was my Dad's last caregiver. I hired her to get Dad's breakfast in the morning, drive him to Adult Day Care, pick him up, make sure he had a nutritious dinner and keep him company until I got home around 9 PM. I had her to do a few overnights as well.

Imagine my surprise when one day I decided to go into work late and check on Dad's apartment before heading to work. I thought it was odd to see her car outside his apartment and I was completely prepared to blast her for not getting Dad to Adult Day Care as agreed.

It turns out she had indeed dropped Dad off at Adult Day Care only to swindle him out of his house keys and RETURN TO HIS APARTMENT!!! I opened his door to find her lounging on the sofa in her underwear AND helping herself to Dad's groceries! I later discovered that she was asking Dad to pay for additional gas (I gave her a $50 gas card monthly) and would order take home plates for herself and her hubby she would take Dad out to eat (the receipt showed two meals which I didn't question. Dad would only have coffee and pie)!!!

...AND this woman was studying to be a PHARMACIST!!!!!! Oh if I could have reported her.

It's disgusting that people take advantage of the elderly like this. I hope the OP did fire that awful person and found better alternatives.
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Ed, you have my respect, wow ! I just found out that my mom's caregiver asked for a $1000 loan, so I filed a police report, and found out that this "caregiver" also told mom to leave the door unlocked and open on Christmas Day, which she did when we picked her up. We have advised that to the officer who took our initial report, which was Dec 23rd. Now I feel like I have to jump through numerous hoops and do multiple things just to keep her safe.
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Same story here. Small Town, private pay. Pretty single mother, caregiver, flatters 85 year old widowed Parkinson's man. We were"lucky" to have her as she split her hours to work AM and afternoon until we could get home from work. She tells sob story day after day and laughs at his jokes. She promised she'd never leave him. WHAT?? New tires, then help with used car and cash gifts to "help her out". I askef her not to tell him her problems but.... She continued. We could not find anyone he would work with. Basically he has a tantrum of sorts. I asked her not to take money..."I didn't want to, he made me"!! Talking to him or my husband was futile. She had them both beguiled. Until, he was temp in nursing home and we asked if she would mind dropping in on him just to make sure he was OK while we worked in another city. We had to pay her for hours so she would stay. No, she would not drop in. What happened to I'll never leave you? She was paid in cash. While he was still home she set her own hours. Took off and left him alone while still on the clock. While he was in nursing home she wanted to be paid just to retain her. When he finally went in for void she knew her gravy train had ended. She demanded severance pay! What?? Severance pay is when you work somewhere that takes taxes etc our of your pay and employer decided to no longer employ you. . Not our decision. His money was gone, So was she. She showed up at his funeral and I could not stand to be near her. Sorry this is so long evidently I needed to vent. I just can't stand people who taste advantage of the elderly.
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Read lots of these comments. I have these similar battles " Red. flags. ". How to stop the loving vexin when you open others eyes to see it. How do you stop it
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Must definitely have her out of the house immediately.. She should have never accepted those gifts unless she is looking to gain something out of him.. That is a bad sign of a bad caregiver.
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If you read on this site very much you'll soon see that what paid caregivers experience happens to family caregivers, too. Unfounded accusations (often because of dementia or long-standing mental health problems) can be devastating to the daughter who is taking care of her father. What your colleague experienced with the missing check fiasco happens all too often to the grandson or niece or son-in-law who is only trying to help, at great personal sacrifice.

Caring for an elder with cognitive problems can be very rewarding and also risky. Whether you are getting a fair wage or not!
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Thank you Jeanne, and you're right. There are many scandalous Caregivers. These people make it so hard for scrupulous Caregivers to maintain any respect or consideration for their devotion to the people they work, and care for. I cherish my time off to spend with my family. My boss has actually had her feelings hurt because I did not include her in some very personal family functions taking place among within my family. My oldest son is graduating from college, and receiving his degree next week. As a courtesy, I asked my boss if she would like to attend the ceremony with me. She hesitated, and then declined, stating that it was something that I should do with just my family. I was relieved in a way because I know now I will be able to concentrate on watching my son walk the stage to receive his hard earned degree instead of taking my boss to the restroom, or getting her something to drink or sweater or Kleenex, etc. nobody has ever been as generous to me in my life as my boss has. Her generosity changed my life significantly in a good way, and I will forever be grateful for what she did for me. When she comes up with some other way she wants to help me, and insists on it, I tell her that she is already helping me by giving me a job, and paying me a fair wage. I remind her that the car was HUGE, and she has already helped me. I again, try to encourage her to reunite with her family. I call her family members regularly, and try to keep them informed about her health, and her challenges. Sometimes she speaks with them, sometimes she says "no". Maybe I'm over sensitive. But, I don't think many of the family members, Conservators, Lawyers, and other significants have any idea what the magnitude of the relationship is or becomes between Caregiver, and elderly that they serve. I've seen honest, good, and devoted people thrown under the bus, and their credibility completely ruined due to false accusations, mis-informed or uninformed authorities, and ignorant assumptions made toward them. I'm still effected by one Caregiver in particular. To this day, the lady cannot show her face at the bank because she was falsely accused of stealing checks. She feels shame for something she never did. The checks were found by the elderly person. Yet, she was so bitter, and embarrassed, that she refused to call the bank, and re-tract her accusations. I lost all respect for the entire situation. I wish there was some sort of mediation counseling or authority that could digest each situation, and make fair, and informed judgements and/or decisions over these types of problems. It can make a person who is normally very caring, and compassionate toward the elderly reluctant to go into the Caregiving profession. I agree with you Jeanne. This should be addressed over and over until it can find better resolve. I still believe that family members inter-action is so important to prevent these issues, and not rely on Caregivers to solve all of the caring needs for their elderly parents. It breaks my heart to see months go by, and not one single phone call or visit from a son or daughter. Yet, the first inconvenience that arises for the adult children, and it's a catch all for the Caregivers. We have our own families, and issues to deal with too. I've made significant sacrifices to my own family because of the long shifts, and constant attention my employer requires. Hopefully, the industry will grow and learn over time how to best address the needs of our elderly. Until then, I will wear my battle gear under my scrubs, and expect the worst but always hope for the best. Thanks for letting me put my 2 cents.....well, with inflation now...my 20 cents in! I love my boss, and will always have a lot of heart for her.
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Calicaregiver, we know there are priceless caregivers out there. Some of them post here, like Ruth1957. Most of us are not on a witchhunt for caregiver scapegoats. But the fact remains that there are a lot of stories of unscrupulous caregivers manipulating elders to get inappropriate perks. Elders, even those who are "in their right minds" are often vulnerable, and lonely, and perhaps even mad at their family for not trusting them to take care of themselves. The fact that a caregiver SAYS she is using gift money to save for her children's education does not make manipulation any more acceptable (even if it is true). Coming on days not assigned is suspicious. Why isn't she spending her time off with those children ? My wonderful aide would not come in on weekends even for extra pay, because she needed that time with her own family. I'm saying that the circumstances described are suspicious, and ranting at her employer doesn't make it look any better. Not every gift is the result of manipulation, but those who are responsible to see that the elder has enough money to last the rest of his or her life really do need to monitor these things.

There are amazingly wonderful independent caregivers out there. There are golddiggers, too.

Since this particular post is 2 years old, you may not get responses from the original posters, but it is a timeless topic, and worth bringing to the top again.
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One last comment to "Eddie": as a Caregiver, I find your response despicable. It's people like you that enjoy running Caregivers reputation in general...to the ground. Your opinion of women is very troubling, and I can only hope that your radical, and ostrisizing opinion of Caregivers doesn't go much farther than this forum!
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