How do I handle my Mom's primary care doctor pressuring me to have a back up plan?

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My Mom is 84, does decent living independently. Obviously I do allot for her, but as far as living alone, she seems to do better in her home. I understand that changes are coming with dementia/early alzheimers. She is adamant and stubborn about "dying" in her home. Won't talk about assisted living, or moving in with us. I check on her several times a week, take her to appointments, do her medicines, just trying to keep her sane and safe at this point. And I know what her doctor is saying, but how do I get my Mother to see the light here?

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I would encourage her to continue as she is but the doc is right in asking you to think of 5 yrs down the road-if she owns her own home and you want to protect her assests from medicaide now would be the time to put her home in a trust because there is a look back period when applying for medicaide and it may increase in the comming years because so many people are planning ahead. If she has an Office of the Aging near by wirh a Senior Center now is the time to get her involved-they would have activitees and good lunches and maybe adult day care-most have bus transporation. I would encourage hobbies that she enjoys. Do not make a promise to never place her in a nursing home-it may be necessary in the future.
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If nothing else, start talking with her about eventually having some in-home help... I have to give her kudos for her independence, but if she is still at the point you can involve her in the decision making, then by all means include her... let her know you will observe her wishes as long as it is in her best interest....that there may come a time she may need extra care, but as long as she can do it , you will let her... it is so hard for our elders to maintain thier dignity as they age...so just letting her know you HEAR her will go a long ways... Best of luck to you and please keep us updated.... you are doing a great job.... hugs across the miles to you...
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