How do I care for my mom, and not sacrifice my husband?
Not an only child, but the only one able to care for Mom. My sister who had a stroke many years ago was an RN. Now, when I ask her something she just says I wish I knew. Mom lives with my husband and me. He is a wonderful help, running errands and cleaning the kitchen and other things that have been my job but are hard for me now.
Even so, I feel alone with Mom's care because I must make all her decisions. Until recently she could move around alone with her rolling walker.. Not now.
Now she is unable to bathe in the shower or dress herself alone. I must decide what to give her to eat and hope she won't reject it. It is hard to find someone who understands enough about her to take care of her so I must do it myself.
She is forgetting how to take a step to get started and If I nudge her to help her remember she screams that I am shoving her and will make her fall. She
knows that I am her daughter sometimes but mostly refers to me as 'she' or 'her' or 'that woman'. She tattles to me about me and insists our home is full of people. My husband is multiple people, too. She got very angry when She was tolk that we were married 52 years and no one had told her.
My husband retired in 2002. We attempted to travel a bit but couldn't stay away because Mom would wind up ill. Not contrived, really ill. This stopped all
of everything we could do. Mom lived at home until she broke her hip but I made her food and he delivered it for years. Did all dr. visits and grocery stuff and we had to take care of her business because her mind was going. He has been a rock but has never gotten to fulfill any of his dreams for retirement. We are in our 70's and Mom is 91.
Sure gets heavy sometimes. Much more for him than for me. I feel so badly for him. Like he is being sacrificed... claims to be willing but always resentful.
I took care of his mom for 6 years. She lived with us only a few months but I took care of her meals, cancer treatment visits doctor visits, hospital stays,
we were on the road nearly every day. He feels guilty now if he doesn't do
everything he even thinks I want. I think I can accept my lot, but I don't know how to help him....
Too much yak, yak... but I am FULL of it....