Can a Power of Attorney refuse to allow family members to visit their mother who is competent and requesting visits?

My mother in law is POA over my father-in-law whom she placed in a memory care section of a local home Aug.30,2016. We were told we didn't need to go thru her to take him out for day trips. We took him out for the day to our house for Thanksgiving & returned him by 830pm. We were given his meds for the day & times. We did as told. Couple of days later received a letter from mother in law stating we can only take him out with her permission & only 9am-5pm. This was not a letter drafted by a lawyer. Does she have the right to restrict our time with him & ask her for permission? We do try to visit every day as he's less than 8miles away. Since he was admitted we've only missed seeing him 16days due to wedding out of state for my brother. My husband did call & talk with his father every other day. I had left cards and notes for him that the staff gave to him on the days they didn't talk. The other 2 children dont visit other than the family friends picnic the home had back in Sept. My mother in law doesn't visit often. Sounds like every 10days or so. My father in law doesn't remember my name but he knows he likes me & knows I'm his sons wife so we are aware that he's slipping away. He seems to have enjoyed his car rides & when we bring him to our house.

Hi - I don't think she legally has the power to do that unless it is written in the POA. She sounds very controlling. Who told you you did not have to go through her to take fil out on day trips? It would be a shame to deprive him of outings that he enjoys. On the other hand I am sure, in the interests of smooth family dynamics, that you don't want to get into a battle with her. Can her son, your husband, have a chat with her to try to sort it out? Can you ask the person who told you you did not have to go through her for day trips to be a go between? Do you have any idea why she is being so restrictive? Sounds like you and your hub have a great relationship with fil and she may be jealous.

I had a similar problem although my sister blocked ALL contact with my mother. Consulted CT APS who told me CT law favors your brother. Not so in other states however. Hired CT attorney who was going to take it before a judge and pursue a state conservatorship and out of the POA's care. Would have cost $30k for my sister to fight it in CT - which we figured she wouldn't because of cost. We managed to get my mother to FL where laws are stronger for the elderly and revoked my sister's POA, very reluctantly by my mother. We are going through a state guardianship in FL now as my mother has never been able to handle her own financial affairs and has short term memory loss (but not long term). The FL attorneys advise me the process is about $10-15k but reimbursable from her estate (living, not after her death). Consult a CT elder law attorney. Probably your only option with a crazy brother.

I don't understand why - if Mom is competent - she has someone acting as her POA at all. She should revoke it. Simple notarized from (available free on the web). Easy enough to redo it later - perhaps to a different person?

Great idea! Mediation was considered.

After much discussion the two brothers suggested mediation to the POA. The POA stated that if the two other brothers showed up for a meeting at "his" attorney's office to workk out details on returning their mother home they could then visit the mother.

Note: the information from the POA prior to the mothers visit was vastly inaccurate with regard to her abilities when visiting. The brothers do not feel they can base any detailed planning on the POA's information and are concerned the mothers doctor may be receiving the same apparent misiniformation. The POA's report on her abilities was far less than what was observed.

The two sons responded that if the POA wanted their input in developing a detailed plan, and their assistance to impliment it they needed::
1. To have the mother visit for 2-3 weeks so that they could observe her day to day and formulate a clearer picture of what she could and could not do.
2. At the end of the visit go with her to a doctor visit for a discussion.
3. Afterwhich they would be happy to sit down with the POA, with the mother in attendance, and work out the details of a plan.

The POA refused. He advises they cannot see their mother, cannot talk to her, cannot go with her to her doctor, and that the mother cannot attend the meeting.

The two brothers then in desperation stated ... ok..... they would attend the meeting but wouldn't be informed enough to sign off on any detailed plan. None the less they would show up, listen, and ask questions. In return they wanted assurance from the POA that when the meeting was over that they could take their mother for an extended visit (as he had orginally advised if attended the meeting they could visit her).

The POA refused. Ranted about how the two brothers could out vote him and he and his family would loose and he wasn't going to allow that. He states that the two brothers and the mother are against him.

It appeares the POA wants to have a meeting, tell the brothers how it was going to be, get them to agree and commit to help with "his" plan (which the POA has advised he doesn't have??), and spring it on the mother.

The POA continues to make comments he has the power and authority to deny visits and control her.

In frustation the brothers advised him to put together a plan by himself and make it happen. The mother has advised him she wants to go home and they feel that as her agent he is to make it happen.

In the meantime they want to visit their mother and reminded him she was requested visits with them.

Again the POA refuses

The brothers are upset and confused as to the motive of the POA. After all it is suppose to be about what is in the mothers best interest.

It sounds as if your mother is being held hostage, to be honest. Get Adult Services involved because of your concern for her safety and well-being. Call the police and get them to do a health and welfare check on HER. Request that they see and speak to her. Tell Adult Services what you've told everyone here and let them intervene. They're supposed to protect your mother from abuse and what you're describing sure sounds like it fits the bill.

How does the rest of the family get to see a copy of a DPOa

Can my sister who is durable medical POA for my 81 year old mother in the stages of demntia refuse my visitation of her with her being in anursing home in Michigan?

I know this discussion thread in from 2011, and I logged on to read the stories long after my own debacle with a controlling brother with POA for our mother. Sadly, the only answer on how to avoid this mess is to be hyper vigilant on who takes care of an elderly parent, health wise and financially. Sometimes, a parent can be transfixed by a bullying member of the family who can upset the entire twilight years for mom or dad and rest of family. Undue influence, imprisoning, drugging them and putting them in terrible states of being are so common, my own story, that govt and state agencies usually will not get involved. Lawyers are so expensive, and never guarantee relief, mostly it gets worse after this due to legal wrangling, hearsay, lies by the controlling sibling, all because he has POA authority. All of the burden of proof is on the innocent family member(s) and if mom is frightened to speak up, there is no way to change the matters to simply protect a loved one. Mom has to be adamant that she wants change; if she can't do that as she has to be honest that her child has betrayed her, which is a difficult thing for any mother, she will and her loved ones will have to accept the situation. I know very well the sadness and powerlessness of trying to fight for my mom when she couldn't admit what her son was doing, it nearly destroyed me. I had to let it go. Thankfully I can still see her but not bring her to my home for dinner anymore or take her off of her nursing home grounds, or go to her Drs, or speak about her care with her care team. Live each day, love yourself and have your own life, believe you are a blessed child of a higher power that is with you thruout these trying times. Sometimes others journeys are just that, and we have to step back finally.

Having a durable POA doesn't make you warden of the person who is the grantor. That is ridiculous. There may be a provision in the POA, but if the mother is competent and wants to see her sons and their families, she can revoke it. Why in the world would she need someone who has taken the role of guardian if she is legally competent? Did she mean to give POA that kind of power or was it a provision that she wasn't truly aware of?

Calling APS is the first step. Her bits and pieces of information and the fact that she was scared to return should have warranted a call to APS before she returned to her own home, because practically speaking, he's living in the house that SHE owns.

Today is Tuesday. Call APS now. She's living in fear of what can happen unless she does exactly what POA wants and no one should have to live in fear of another person, especially when that person is their own son. She needs YOUR help, so get on the telephone with APS and get the ball rolling today. Let APS call the sheriff. As a matter of fact, if POA resists APS, THEY'LL call the police. They can do what needs to be done to protect her, but they can't do it without a complaint from YOU.