My parents both have narcissism disorder, is that enough to get POA over them?

Asked by

This is my situation: my parents have abused me in the past, however, the school systems and police that I encountered failed me. The first officer I ever encountered, and whom I called on my mom when she hit me for no reason, when I was about 14 I think, yelled me down and berated me in her hearing, and said, "You never call the police on your mom!" and then left with his partner. CPS also failed me, repeatedly, in fact the first 18 yr old social worker I encountered, Michelle Dorr, judged me in 45 minutes during a school break and told my mom the next night, "I don't believe a word he's saying." It was one tragedy after another like that for me, leading to many times in which I almost died from neglect and being kicked out and suicide. I almost died 18 times.

My mom also divorced my dad after not being able to tolerate him complaining about her bad spending habits and driving him into debt. She got him to give her his house and the mercedes he gave as a gift to her (but he reneged in an argument with her when she wanted to divorce) in exchange for taking declaring bankruptcy so that my dad wouldn't have to (something like that). They got back together because, I can guess, no one could stand them, lookswise or attitude wise.

I have one year left to press a child abuse case against them, but having no money just about, due to them wrecking my life repeatedly (which led to me having bad neighbors and police and judge encounters to no end, not literally but that's the trend it looks like), cannot get a lawyer to help me help, not even free help help or help in exchange for a cut of my possible win.

However, supposing I finally can get a lawyer to help me, I want to be able to speed things up by being able to show him or her, somehow, that narcissism is a legitimate state of not being "of sound mind".

Given what I've already said, plus emails that show my dad in a narcissistic light, and a void of any communication with me from my mom, showing no concern for me, or my brother (whom she 100% favored and brainwashed into thinking I was the bad guy and they the good parents and he the perfect son) and supposing I can recover the proof of a damaged hard drive it's on (audio and video recordings of my dad's unstable emotional state, bad temper, irrational and cold statements from my parents to me, half-admissions of abuse, neglecting parrots they have at the moment, and in one instance yelling at his prized parrot for merely talking to him, and as if it could understand him), do you think that a judge would accept a psychologist or two declaring from at least my testimony, my dad's bad financial decisions to keep buying expensive things and allowing my mom to do so despite repeatedly complaining about going into debt, leading to a divorce and bankruptcy, only for them to get back together again and repeat their spending sprees, (my dad has two mansions and can't get rid of one, and refuses to let me live in it or rent it), and my dad's narcissistic emails, which endlessly say he's going broke and can't help me with even small things, and then him finally getting me small things, and a refusal to help me get food stamps leading to him having the power to help me with food or not and spending $100-300 on me a month (while complaining about having to help me, it's a method of him keeping me dependent on him, and I'm disabled which makes it harder to break free from his help, though he doesn't care about that, so that he can remain the center of my attention and make me feel guilty for disagreeing with him about anything, etc.), and complete absence of any communication from my mom or brother, as damning evidence enough that it would show he is not financially competent?

Another point I could mention to the judge is that he suffered a $200,000+ loss in the stock market in the 80's, even sat the family down to apologize about it, and at my mom's whim would repeatedly move (contributing to me having no long term friends, none), and then pouring money into the stock market again, as a sign of irrational behavior concerning the management of his money?

I keep thinking that this angle of "attack" might not work, because my dad gets plenty of money apparently from his former job, like severance pay or something, seems to be doing well in his oil investment, so well that he's been holding on to this $700,000+ mansion for 3 years now, while whining about it costing him $5000 a month, and acting like that's the cause of him going broke. When I finally called him on his endless "I'm going broke so don't ask me for anything" line, he said to me a new line for the first time, "I'm close to broke". I can't remember if that was by email or not.

He also gave a bizarre excuse for not renting the spare mansion, he yelled, "They'll scratch the kitchen counters and steal the fixtures when they leave!" That's not on audio unfortunately, so, I have no proof of it.

What do you think my chances of success are? What about suing?

Answers 1 to 3 of 3
I am very sorry for your unfortunate situation.

POA is not applicable in this situation. Power of Attorney is willingly granted by one person (your parent) to someone else (you) authorizing them to act in their behalf in certain matters. For example, it would authorize you to use your parent's money to pay their bills, at their direction.

1) Your parents would have to willingly give you this authority and 2) I don't see how it would help you in your goals.
But what if they are incompetent? How does an incompetent person grant anything in their wrong state of mind, especially one in which is criminally or anti-morally biased?
Top Answer
It sounds like what you are trying to do is bring child abuse charges against your parents. A power of attorney allows you to make decisions for a person and that person has to grant you that power. Considering your relationship with them, why do you want POA? A guardianship or conservatorship gives you financial and physical authority over a person the courts has deemed as incompetent. Just because a person has a personality disorder is not enought to prove they are danger to themselves. The courts allow for a person to be eccentric, mentally ill, odd, or just plain nutty without considering them incompetent. Your situation is sad, but I suggest you cut your losses and work on getting your life together. Having physical custody of your parents is not going to end the abuse. Why put yourself in that position? Move forward with your life!

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support