Would you postpone active online dating because you're waiting for your mom to die?

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12 years of childcaring, single solo mom here. 19 years of caring for my mom with Alzheimer's Vascular Dementia. She's 80, I'm 40, my daughter 12. I'm an only child, lost job in June 2012, struggling to make ends meet. I don't live in USA so I don't get those benefits mentioned on this website. Let's just be frank that I hope to find a mate to help balance things out especially with regards to finances & share of mundane chores in life. Plus it's nice to get a helping hand which having a healthy husband could give me, and nice for my daughter to have a dad to call her own.

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Hi Marissa
No I wouldn't wait and I didn't. I am in a different situation than you - looking after my mother at a distance. She is in assisted living. She has borderline personality disorder, and I could never have her live with me. She will be 100 in May. I am 74. and had been on my own for over 15 years. A few years ago, I decided I was ready for companionship, and started online dating and after about a year met a man I really like. We are planning for permanency. I would be very cautious about looking for someone in order to help you pay the bills. I met some one like that, and dropped the relationship.because he was not really honest with me. He wanted someone to support him. No one wants to be used. Companionship, and friendship is great, and then you work the other stuff out. Fortunately the man I am with now lives in my city, so we could meet fairly quickly face to face after meeting on line, but I don't think that is necessary. I would be very open about your situation - if a man likes you and you develop a relationship with him, I think you can overcome the problems together. Another thing I tell people who are thinking of online dating is don't be too worried about age differences, if you find a really good person. I was married to someone 16 years younger than me, and my boyfriend is over 13 years younger. Dating on line has its problems and you have to be careful to screen out men who are just looking for what they can get - even at my age! Good luck.
Hi M.I would not wait either.You need a balanced life otherwise you will become burnt out.I am caring for my 89 year old uncle who is sometimes very difficult.At 51,I haven't given up the hope of meeting a nice man for a steady relationship.Be careful of online dating.You are better off paying something so you can weed out the creeps.Plenty Of Fish attracts a lot of strange characters.
emjo and franny ~ thanks so much for the wow (words of wisdom). I got it... I don't have to wait & postpone. Know what, been actively chatting with few men who found me on Craigslist. 2 weeks worth of emails & the occasional 1 hour chats on yahoo messenger or google talk. I'm weeding out already and a handful remained I can count them in my 2 hands. I don't need too many anyway. Yes there are strange characters out there. I better heed your advice. I won't wait, but I will also have to be available for them, hopefully they will visit me here & see how it goes. Emjo thanks for the wonderful advice. See you around here. This website is very encouraging to me. I feel good because I know I'm not alone. I got tons of dirty dishes to wash & laundry to finish LOL:-)
franny - I met my boyfriend on Plenty of Fish - yes there are many strange people on there, and on other sites that I paid for. I responded to, or even made first contact with anyone whose profile I liked. Another tip is to make your profile really speak about you. I worked hard to develop a good one that reflected me - interests, my likes, my strengths. I think online, as in person, the first impression is important.
marissa -screening and weeding out is essential. If someone is interested in you, I think they will be sensitive to your situation, but I understand your concerns. By standing beside your mum they will know you are a family person. My boyfriend is one of 5 boys and is the caretaker (at a distance too) to his parents, so he understands the responsibilities involved and it very supportive.

Good luck and prayers to both of you. I am blessed to have met someone.
I spent my 20's caring for my children, 30's for my mother and 40's my grandmother. I sometimes feel like I never lived my life for myself. I wish I had taken more time for "me". So I think it's a good idea you find someone to make you happy. By the way, the ironic thing in my life is .....I become a nursing assistant in a nursing home and we take care of 42 seniors a night!
I was stalked online,and will not be too quick to give out my number.Another gentlemen gave me his number,but pretended to be someone else when i called.
((((amber)))) - it is never too late - take time for you now. You could be surprised.:)

frannie - sorry about your experience - I rarely gave my number out - just wrote people using the site messaging, and set up an email account just for that purpose as well. When it came to meeting people I did so at a coffee shop and let my daughter know I was going in advance. I messaged my boyfriend for a month before we met. He did not have my phone number until I had met him, and felt comfortable with him. Others I messaged for that time or longer. You certainly have to protect yourself. If anyone is pressuring you to move faster than you are comfortable with, it is a red flag!
Mhm, I totally understand the desire for a man in your life, BUT I do worry about your motives beyond companionship. You've got to ask yourself, 'if I were a man looking for a mate, would I want to take on this woman and her problems?' I think you need to look at yourself as a prospective mate would, and then make any adjustments to your man requirements.
I agree with emio do not give out your number-use the site to communicate-beware of anyone who pushes you to give your number-a decent man will respect boundaries and meet like emio said in a diner or coffee shop and let someone know where you will be and for how long.
Thanks Emio.I guess I felt pressured to exchange numbers because this guy seemed eager but also partly out of my own desperation to find someone.Most of my family are deceased and the three members who are alive don't communicate.I wanted to meet someone before my uncle passed away.I didn't want to be alone in the world.

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