How can I physically remove my mother from her home and move her into an Assisted Living Facility?

Bless you - if your mom is a Madea then you are going to need some help. Since Madea is "all about me" you will have your work cut out for you. Is there anyone she listens to?

Yes Cat...I cry a lot to a friend, but shes thousands of miles away.... And I cry a lot to God.

For those who arent familar with Madea...I feel like the girl getting slapped sometimes ( ONLY I DONT DESERVE IT)

Cat...yes since the alzheimers hit, it seems like my mom is becoming all about herself too...and God know she always used to put me first..I was never spoiled ( nothing to spoil me with) but protected .

- having her doctor tell her might help. He can tell her that he feels she needs someone to help her on a regular basis. If she thinks, 'its all about me' - this might make her willing.

Dear Bree,

If you have Power of Attorney for your Mother, it may be easier for you to help her.

Since Civil Rights come into play, if your Mother does not want to go into assisted living, you really can't make her go. Now, if she is endangering herself, call Social Services (Adult Protective Services) and ask if they will do a check on your Mother and her home.

Also, if you have Power of Attorney and can speak to your Mother's Doctor, maybe he would be willing to write a letter stating that your Mother can no longer take care of herself, her medical or financial needs.

Hope this helps.

Bree my prayers are with you.

This is a very tough issue. I am afraid I will be facing the same thing soon.

Sounds like once again there was no durable Power of Attorney in place before problems arose with mental and physical health. I was one who did not foresee the need for a POA, which made the process of ensuring finance and health matters for my mother very difficult. You may have to seek conservatorship to ensure you mother's health and safety if she refuses to go voluntarily. Call the local Bar and see if you can get a cheap consult to point you in the right direction. Adult Protective Services may be a source of information also. Once you have conservatorship, the actual move sounds like it will be difficult still. Good luck.

Hi-

To the good answers you have, I just want to add my 5 cents worh.

As an alternative to AL, how about if she participates at a senior center nearby...This would keep her involved, as well as watched by the staff-some centers even specialize in handeling dementia clients. Another alternative, would be have someone stay with your Mom-probably a costly idea however.

As for removing her from her home and into AL-I do not think you can do this-unless there is some legal stipuation set up that gives you this authority. Such as POA -already mentioned.

Good luck on your journey =)

Hap

Some how you need to have her assesed and are you sure an assisted living arrangement would be for her-check to see if there is an office for the ageing in your town you may have to call your town government office to see who could assist you if she is not safe on her own and you are aware of it someone might report you to APS, you really need to get help with this-hardly any elder wants to leave their home but sometimes it is what is needed and if she can not make the decision to go where she will get help you may need to do this-I am sure you will get much help here on this site and good luck.

There is a relatively new field called Geriatric Care Manager.
I believe those people might be more familiar witgh services and
legal issues than the 'rest of us'. Here is the national website which might help you locate such a specialist in your area:
http://www.caremanager.org/

Also, look into establishing your mother with a geriatric specialist doctor near you--if your mother's current doctor isn't comfortable working with you offering guidance.

If you mother is saying 'NO' to relocation, there won't be much you can do without a POA and her doctor's backing you up, until she becomes a danger to herself or the public.

Be advised that not all assisted living facilities can or will take Alzheimer's residents. Keep regular watch on her if she does move into any type of residential care. She'll receive better care with you being involved.

Hapfra's suggestion is a good one. A senior center (one that takes AD afflicted) may help. I have my mom at home, but do take her to a center that provides her great interaction in a safe environment. This won't work for all but it may provide your mom a hint of what assisted living is like. She may enjoy and embrace the concept. Good luck.

Is it acceptable to begin moving items out a little at a time that she does not use? After time passes and there's not much left in the house perhaps the idea of physically moving out will be easier for her.

You need a power of attorney. Of course, if her Alzheimer's is advanced she may not be able to sign one. I would consult an attorney who specializes in elder care immediately.

Her physican will have to fill out a form for her to be accepted into an assisted living facility. If her physician will fill out the paperwork, show it to her as if it were a prescription. Also, taking her to an ALF and letting her speak with the counsellors (sales people) might convince her to go. Try to find one with activities.

Bree
you are not alone as you might think. Start collecting documentation from you mom's doctors, neighbors, friends or former friends, and anyone else who knew her before the Alzheimer's diagnoses. The trick is to get the authorities on YOUR side. Is mom still driving? Her doctor can notify the State DOT to have her tested or even revoke her license. Do neighbors notice strange behaviors like wandering or locking herself out of her house multiple times? Does her hairdresser notice any changes in her conversation or has she stopped going to the hairdresser for no apparent reason. Same for her Dentist, Optician, Pastor, Postal Delivery Person...anyone who has observed her behavior over a period of time.

The idea is to build a case that mom is not only a threat to herself but may pose a treat to others if she still drives or lives in an apartment that she could set on fire by forgetting to turn off the stove etc.

Then you can go to your local Dept for the Aging and see what steps are needed to get her committed to Assisted Living. In the meantime get her financial house in order. She needs a Will and a POA. The POA does not have to be you but you are the most likely candidate. This means that YOU will be responsible for paying the Assisted Living facility for her care unless she is eligible for Medicaid, is a Veteran, or has an in-force Long Term Care insurance policy that does not exclude dementia as a qualifying event.

Take it a day at a time so you will not be overwhelmed and it will work out.

Thank you Sandy. She doesnt believe me or the doctors that say she has alzheimers... we are all wrong.I am going to have to lie and say something else is wrong , to try to convince her ...inorder to get her there....and when she realizes it....i better take shelter!

they say hindsight is 20/20 i dont want hindsight i want foresight ...what am i supposed to do property taxes medical expenses since she no longer qualifies for help since she lives with me ......got real answers contact me.

Hi Bree,
It sounds like a complicated situation, and it's hard to give much advice without the answers to a few questions.

You mention that your Mom is in denial regarding the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease, which is not unusual. Was the diagnosis explained to her by a trusted physician with whom she's had a relationship for awhile? If not, I'd suggest you try that.

Others have brought up the issue of Power of Attorney. Do you have this (and the other critical legal documents in place)? If not, you need to determine immediately whether she is still able to sign such a document (or if her dementia has already rendered her unable to do so). An attorney in your state is the best person to address this. As others have said, if you DO have a valid POA, you are in a position that you can take action. In the event that it's too late to get a POA, the attorney will be able to advise you regarding seeking conservatorship or guardianship.

Are you sure that assisted living is the right placement for Mom? The answer to this is determined both by her condition and prognosis, as well as by the financial resources available to her. One of the things you have to think about is whether there will be enough money to take care of her until the end of her journey. The decision you make in the short run regarding where is best for her to live should be based on thinking through a budget. If a placement is indeed the right move at this time, you may need to look into a facility with a memory unit, especially if your Mom is at risk of wandering outside of the facility and getting lost or injured.

If all of the above has been thought about, is the key issue that Mom just says she doesn't want to move? If so, there are a number of options to try. Perhaps a short stay at the facility you have chosen is possible. Many allow for "respite stays" which would allow your Mom to "visit" for a few days. In my practice, I've experienced situations where Mom then doesn't want to go home because she's already acclimated to her new environment. As an alternative, perhaps getting an objective third party involved will help. This person can talk with your Mom and try to get an understanding of what is underlying her unwillingness to consider moving. I've often seen that the denial is really about fear and sadness, and if those feelings can be aired and validated that the elder will eventually come up with the idea of moving on her own.

Good luck, and know that you're not alone!

-- Sheri

How long has she been diagnosed? What has she is doing now that has changed to the point of looking at assisted living?

Not every one has had the blessing of having parents that remained themselves during the stages of alzheimers. Some people become childlike, and or remain kind.
Others become cruel, verbally abusive, angry and mad at the world. Yet take out those feelings on the closest one to them...the caregiver.
So to answer your question tmac...thats whats changed , my mother has become the latter part of the description.
Thank you for your comment.
God Bless.

I am in a similar situation with my 89 year old father. I am flying to NY this weekend to discharge him from the hospital and to get him on a plane to his new home with me (his daughter) and my family. He will not accept the fact that he no longer can live independently. He has lied to the doctors and social workers in the past when he agreed to hire full time help, if they discharged him home (instead of to a nursing home). No one checked on him and he feels he got away with it once he can do it again. But this time it is serious. He was hit by a car and is lucky to be alive. This time the hospital called me to either pick him up or make arrangements for him to be transferred to a nursing home. He doesn't want to go to a nursing home nor live with me. He is like a broken record, "I want to go home." is his response each time. So I am flying out to bring him back with me. What do I do if he throws a fit at the airport?

Check Out an Adult Day Care Facality.

This will give her something constructive to do during the day, being with peers and being involved in other activities. And give you that break during the Day.

Linda,
This is too late for your "fit at the airport" question and I hope you got through it OK. You do not say if your father has Alzheimer's or dementia but if that is the case you must get in touch with your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association and find local support group meetings. They have workable solutions from people who have "been there and did that" Trust me on this: You and your family cannot handle this without some training and a good support network. Dementia care is way different from the types of problems caregivers of sick or disabled folks normally encounter but with a little knowledge and the right support it can be a lot more beneficial than putting your dad in a nursing home.
http://www.alz.org

My Father has Alzheimer’s and depression. I was in the same place you are now 6 months ago with my Father. What I did is to take him to a psychiatric and ask for there help in talking him in to just seeing assisted living places and he even stayed the night at a few and that helped to get him more comfortable and other seniors would talk to him about the place, that made him feel in control. Then I made him feel like he made the decision to move on his own not anyone else he felt in control. 6 months later he is happy there, he dose have good days and bad ones that will never end. For you start to look at Assisted living places and Alzheimer’s in your area and ask if you can bring her to some of the activities or if they allow them to stay the night. I hope this helps!! God Bless you!!

As for the fit at the airport you will need someone with you and maybe his MD can give him some meds to quiet him down and if he does makes a rukus you may have to delay the trip they peobably will not let him on the plain if he is aggressive and upseting others there is only so much your will for him to go with you will get you.

I can say that I know exactly what you are going through. I am in the same position. I wish us both good luck. The comment about the Senior Center is not helpful to me. My mother will NOT go to a senior center for any reason. It is for "old people" and she has nothing in common with them. My mother is 97!!
I have ruined my health trying to take care of her and feel very alone even though I know there are others, such as yourself. Try not to ruin your health and try not to feel guilty.

Bree-
There is an organization called the National Association of Senior Move Managers. ( Look for it on Google.) This organization consists of people who are professionals who help seniors move from one living situation to another. The NASSM can provide you with names of people in your area who could either help you, or could put you in touch with someone who could help you implement this move. If you cannot afford one type of "helper", perhaps you could find another who is more affordable, or is free of charge. You could also contact your local hospital(s) to find out if there are volunteer "senior helpers" in your area who could help you out. You could call local senior communities to ask about the same thing. I am an only child too, and I could not care for my parents without help from others. Good Luck.

When we put my Dad in a nursing home, of course, he didn't want to go, He has dementia. My mom having him at home was really
destroying her health. My sister & I worked with his dr. and consulted with the nursing home. He was put on something to calm him down, the nursing home was wonderful in helping Dad fit in
and kept him very busy. He did eventually have a "melt down". the
nursing home told us not to come back for 2 weeks. He still wants
to come home but with distraction we get around that.
I would have a consultation with her doctor and the nursing home as well. They would also know the legalities of making your
Mom go to a nursing home.