Is anyone else sick of answers from people who will never understand what you're going through?

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they act like they can boss you around. my husband billy is 68 years old. he had his right leg amputated below the knee. he has had diarrea for the past 10 days. when i come home from work it is constant cleaning. i have to work to buy the supplies we need. his sister is aggrevating me to death. she loves in ohio she has never visited him. she calls me at work. she said i need to take him back to the doctor. i just took him about a week ago and his bloodwork came back good. i had to get the fire dept to take him back inside the house. it took 5 hours to take him to 2 doctors. i thought he was going to die. she calls me like i can take off work anytime and take him to the doctor. we dont have the insurance yet to cover the doctor. i am so tired. i have an appointment to take him to the doctor tuesday. which is 2 days away but she said i need to take him now or he will die. i have taken total care of him for the past 6 months. i am tired. she has not visited him. everyone else says it will take time. i know that.

Answers 1 to 6 of 6
Yvonne, I understand your problem. You have every right to be frustrated. Your sil may mean well or she might just like to give advice, I'm sure you know which fits. Too bad she doesn't step back and see that you're doing the best you can. Advice is always better when it comes in caring words. Some help from her would be nice.
I work 55+ hrs per wk,need my job,can't be off w/o planning to be off well in advance. When my husband, who I love with all my heart, had to go thru emergency by-pass, 3 emergency bowel blockage surgeries, diabetes complications, all within a short period of time,many EMS calls, I thought I was going over the edge. It really takes it toll. Thank goodness, none of my s-i-ls called me like yours did or it would've put me over the edge. Family/friends thought I was doing a good job.
On the flip, my elderly mom stopped talking to me/family, took up with the paid caregiver, and last wk her lawyer notified me that my POA has been revoked and mom is threatening to sue me. We've never gotten along but I stepped up to the plate (my sis didn't), my kids have gone beyond the call of duty, I spent thousands to give her a good life. I'm hurt/angry, right now, I honestly am tired of a lifetime of her abuse, this legal thing is another form of abuse from her.I don't want to see her. My kids and I are alone on this one, only have my sis and one aunt. Dead silence from them. Friends on the other hand totally agree b/c they know mom and they think she is one of the meanest people they've ever met.
I wish you the best in finding strength to get thru this. There are others trying to find strength each day also. Do you have anybody who can give you a break or help, someone you can lean on to keep your spirits up. My heart goes out to you, yvonne. The very best to you.
yvonne,

Take things one at a time.
Lets hit the diarrhea first. Hes a diabetic so is probably thirsty all the time. Fluids make stool soft. Not only that he is losing fluids through the diarrhea. So you have to counter act that. Potassium is what he needs.

Dont JUST give him that to eat and not all of those because something like potatoes has a high sugar content. balance it out, because, well at that point you dont want him constipated, right? There are over the counter meds for it, but if hes a diabetic and has other issues, you should seek a doctors opinion. and also, its just plain healthier for foods over the meds in my opinion.

So now lets start with some help for you, try contacting your local office of aging and adult services aka adult social services or adult protective services. They have a wealth of information that could get you some help in many ways!! Your local church might have some things they can help you with.

as for the sister, i dont know. im much more aggressive than alot of people on this site haha. Frankly id tell her that if shes so concerned, then she needs to get herself out there and help you do these things or shut the $%^& up and leave you alone, because you have enough to deal with and cant sit and hold HER hand 24/7. but thats just me.

I hope this has given you a few answers that you needed.
Have your sister come over and clean up one diarrhea explosion, then see if she shuts up. People are always experts until reality smacks them in the face.

Seriously, though, maybe you should make a list of absolutely everything that is wrong with your husband-everything you've noticed, no matter how little. Also, gather up every single med he takes, both prescribed and OTC, and take it to his doc. The more information the doctor has, the better he will be able to figure out what's going on. Best of luck to you and remember, we're all here pulling for you.
Top Answer
It sounds terrible to say but something I noticed in the 2+ years we've been actively involved in caring for my aging in-laws is that a crisis is sometimes the best solution to a problem. If you collapse or your husband has to go in to the hospital to stop the diarrhea, etc. you may find that you now qualify for assistance that you did not qualify for prior because you were 'coping'. Ask for help from your doctor. A short stay in a nursing home or a hospital for either of you makes you eligible for assistance. I would educate yourself as to what is available in your community and what the qualifying requirements are NOW. The next time a 'crisis' occurs you are prepared, the crisis is handled, and hopefully - as has been the case for us, a better solution comes out of the crisis than was in place before hand. Surprisingly, I have found there is both power and forgiveness in allowing myself to NOT do it all.

PS - I would also tell SIL that if she thinks immediate action is needed you appreciate her offer to come visit and assess the situation for herself and help get him to the doctor etc. If she 'can't' come visit then tell her you are happy that she doesn't think the situation requires more than you are able to do now. I choose to 'assume' that an offer of advice is an offer to help. Now I get a lot less advice and a lot more help!
That was verry good advice from RSLIndiana. I agree with most of it. I have gone down the path of taking care of my own mom until she passed away in late 2009 in my arms at the assisting living she was staying at. Mom had very problems with her health and the alzheimer's disease and the dementia was so bad at the end. I was taking care of her back and forth from Florida to New York for many years and in 2005 I had to leave my job of 22 yeras to take her out of a nursing home in New York ( sell her house and bring her to live with me in Florida). No one helped me, only my husband and two boys. her own family or her friends or the holy rolers from the church or even my brother and his many wifes and children did nothing at all for many years. It takes a lot to be a caregiver, and not getting any help. First take care of yourself. I did not take that advice. Call up your local state elder care and see if they can set up a meeting. Each state has its own laws. So make the call also make sure you have all legal papers in order. If your sister care enough she could get on a plane and come and see for her self what is going on. Take care and you are not alone. patrica61
Tell her to put up or shut up. If she's so concerned tell her to pay for the doctor. Thank god for the British N.H.S. people call it but on the whole I'm happy with it.

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