Both of my parents refuse to plan for the future. How do children accept parents decision to do nothing?

Follow
Share

Mom is putting everything "in gods hands". Dad has always avoided conflict and can not make decisions. Neither have made health care plans, wills or burial plans. Despite telling Dad how much I want the homestead to remain in the family, he does not discuss it. My parents are divorced, and neither have made plans to pass on their estate to family. Instead they both expect to do nothing and accept what ever will happen. I am loath to express
My desire to buy Dads home and land.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
16

Answers

Show:
Two possible approaches. First, get guardianship through a court. Secojnd, invite everybody to sit down with a neutral professional mediator who can help guide and facilitate discussion and explore all and any suggestions. The beauty of mediation is that it is voluntary, not imposed from a judge or jury and lets everyone express themselves as they move on a paty toward a voluntary agreement that suits their needs and interests. This saves time, money, court involvement and a lot of grief. Mediate- don't litigate.
-Michael
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

"in gods hands" Have a heart to heart with Moms pastor, or another pastor in your area. The Bible certainly says we need to trust in the Lord, but it also has numerous parables about being responsible. A minister can gently advise you on how to speak to your Mother about "Gods will”.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Talk to an "elder law" lawyer - someone who really knows elder and probate law, and can help you and your parents understand the legal ramifications of doing nothing, or the alternative of preparing for the future and placing parents in a position to protect their lifetime gains for their children and/or grandchildren, and provide for their own needs which are likely to exceed their means unless they are billionaires - in which case they will likely have lawyers who have already put safeguards in place.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There may be time..... Lots of time....You didn't say how old each of your parents are now..This is an important first step.
Are there other siblings who may have a vested interest in the property? If your father dies intestate, who would inherit the property? Court will decide, but if you compose a simple will now, it could save you a lot of heartache when he passes.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Icy - also having an attorney deal with the gas revenue and all financial aspects of your dad's land/ranch can be especially good if family and those that married into the family have difficulty comprehending how assets are determined and what true market value is. You know your family best and if this is likely.

For me this was a huge issues with my aunt's estate -to the outside world she lived very well and they knew that somewhere there was land & $$ and by god we're all going to get a part of it. That actually was so far from the truth it was astounding. Nothing I could do was going to satisfy them or change their belief. Only by an attorney sending them letters with documentation did they let it go. Although some are still some kinda mad to this very day.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Icy - Ohhhhh gas revenues! FUN! Are you in TX ??- alot of these in TX get passed down and never go through probate as they weren't viewed as a physical asset for most of the past century. Oil & gas revenues are sticky when it comes to figuring out what the value is if they apply for Medicaid or for doing in probate as so often the revenue is low that it is paid every decade or annually, etc. so that it has to be amortized to get it done accurately. Alot of times the family doesn't even realize their out there till they get a check from XYZ gas company for like $ 500 for a decade's worth. It's enough to throw a wrench in the application. But you need someone legal who knows how to deal with it properly.

Now for the average Medicaid worker this is high finance and beyond their area to pass a review on. With family it can be hard for folks to understand that it really truly isn't a real asset as you only get a tiny % of the pass thru and NO AUNTIE or GRAMPS didn't have an oil well.

So you kinda need to get an elder care attorney to do the Medicaid application and the good part is the family then can use the same attorney to deal with probate.

About the funeral, go with your gut instinct. Lilliput is spot-on on this. Good Luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I had a similar issue with my parents. They had each other and so did not want to talk about what would happen when one of them was gone. I finally just got very honest with them and explained if you love me at all you will do this. I told them that I really want to respect your wishes however I can not do that if I do not know what they are. I also said I do not want to argue with anyone that is not comfortable to me... guess what they did what I asked... I know this is hard but you will be so glad and relieved when it is done!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Ice: who is his direct caregiver now? It sounds like you live elsewhere...yes? If so, he really needs an advocate that can help with health and wellness issues and decisions. That would be my primary concern.

If you do not want to be involved in the financial issues and do not care about an "inheritance" which seems to be the case, you can divorce yourself from helping him with these issues. It sounds like they just want to let the chips fall where they may so I wouldn't worry about it. But if you are interested in his property, then that might get a bit dicey with the other family members. Maybe it is best to have a frank dicussion with him then consult an attorney....keep it a business transaction.

As far as the funeral is concerned, think only of your relationship to your father. Leave everyone else out of it - you owe them no explanations. If going to the funeral would give you closure and help you pay your final respects, by all means go. If it would cause you too much stress, stay put. It really is hard to say until the event occurs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sorry for typo's... I am replying via iphone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you everyone for your support. It is a relief to have the advice that everyone has offered. I have been in the South taking Family Medical Leave to support Dad (87) living at home. He has mobility and decreased strength issues.
I enjoy the time with him very much and it is a jpy to see him becoming stonger and happier because I here. It will be very difficult to leave because he is becoming more socially isolated as friends die.
Yes, the parcel has gas revenue... Not worth the problems that apparently that are cooking for the future. I will try to have a non- threatening candid talk with Dad again. I amt doing all I can to spend time and help out now.

My question to folks out there is this: I would consider not coming back for a funeral if things are a mess and it meant that family members will be pitted against each other. Would anyone else do same? I don't care what others would think of me... I have given my father time, love and support when he is alive.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions