lovemyparents Asked April 2010

My parents are in need of caregivers. What can I do if my siblings don't want to help care for them and I live to far away?

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My Mum and Dad recently are in need of caregivers. In the last month my mother more so. I have a brother and Sister and they don't want to help? My brother has been more helpful, but recently due to a misunderstanding he has decided that he does not want to talk to me anymore, and that I should not be in touch with his family also. This is causing difficulties in liaising with one another and disrupting the care that we are both giving. I am getting tired and frustrated with his behaviour and I would like my sister to get more involved but she also is very sensitive and selfish. I live 40 miles away from my parents, my elder brother, lives in the same town, and my sister in Central London. All I want is for all three of us to work together to give Mum and Dad all the support they need. I am drawing a blank, and could really do with some advice.
Kind regards

Anthony Harris

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EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack Apr 2010
Hi Anthony,
Sibling problems are so common in elder care that you are now one of a huge fellowship. That doesn't solve your problem, but it's, um, nice to have company.

I'm not sure what the UK can offer in help. In the US, each state has a Web site and there is an "aging services" or some equivalent link where you can get local information. Would you have a Web site in your area that could help you?

I have a couple of friends in the UK who may be able to give me some answers. I will ask them and if I can add more, I will.
Good luck,
Carol
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PirateGal Apr 2010
Hi Anthony, waving across from the big pond. Perhaps you can call a ONE TIME important family conference and tell them both to KNOCK it off, these are your parents and it needs to be discussed and see what happens. They should all participate, but I myself am an only child so I am the stuckee, no matter what. I have seen others here on this site with the same, that bro's and sis's just go and stick their head in the sand. At least if you put the shout out, you can see what comes back and see if you are truly the assigned (so to speak) caregiver. I would see if there are some organizations in their neighborhood that has caregiver help like they do here in the states and start out with a few hours and gradually increased. That's what I have done...keep in touch with us Anthony!
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RightatHome Apr 2010
Hello aharris,

Another comment from across the Atlantic here. How about you hire an in-home care provider from an agency for a few days a week. That can help take some of the stress off of caregiving family members and you know that Mom and Dad will be taken care of.

Best of luck,
Bill
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anne123 Apr 2010
GREAT idea, PirateGal, to have a family conference.
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