How do I get my parents to accept a larger caregiver pool?

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I am a 65 year old, only child, whose parents live about 200 yards from my rural home. They are 89 years old and unable to do most household things, including cook, clean, laundry, drive, shop, and manage their financial affairs. Dad has dementia and macular degeneration, and mom is frail - uses a walker and hardly moves from her chair. Their granddaughter is assisting them 3 mornings a week for 3 hours until she finds a new job. Other than that I am "on-call" 24 x 7. I am tired..............I haven't been away from the homestead for longer than 8 hours at a time for 2 years, and then, of course, I have my cell phone.

I am getting very resentful, and depressed. My health has deteriorated, and I can never relax. I am tired................, feel guilty for being resentful and tired, and am beginning to dread having to go over there most of the time.

When I suggested that we increase our "circle" of caregivers to relieve some of the stress there was a horrific argument and I told I was pretty much a "disappointment", and just wanted to "get them out of their house", and they were "fine" and there was obviously "something wrong" with me that I wouldn't leave them alone, etc, etc. I can't have another confrontation like that one, ever.

So, does anyone have any suggestions for me? I could sure use some ideas before I lose the end of the frayed rope I am hanging on to.

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I am in pretty much the same situation except that I am not an only child and do get some help from older sibling, but 90 % falls on me. The only thing I can suggest is to either get a mediator to come in and be the go between, and convince your parents that help is needed, or maybe someone that they like and trust like a minister, their doctor...
You need a third party to help defend you in this situation.
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Hugs to you, you are doing a lot and have been right along. You are on the receiving end of their frustrations, etc. Many elders do not want strangers in their homes even though it is absolutely necessary. And with the dementia setting in; their reactions to everything will become different.

This cannot continue to all be on your shoulders. I would suggest calling Elder Services in your town and talk to someone there about what is happening. I contacted this service and they truly helped me when I was taking care of my parents when they were still in their own home.

Somethings got to give, and it can't be you. Your health is being affected now and that is not good. I've been through this and it is difficult. Every situation is different, but there are many common problems and Elder Services specialize in dealing with this. Hope you can get some assistance - all you have been doing is truly wonderful and now they need some outside help. Blessings to you and take care.
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