Patti4Mom Asked January 2012

Do I owe my stepmom my friendship?

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Do I owe her my friendship? I realize I might have a little bit of bitterness, but I wonder if I am obligated in some way to keep up with my Step Mom. Dad died over 10 years ago. She always looked down her nose at me, was so superior acting, and was very snotty to me with her words. She and Dad went on trips and had all that they could want or need and more. They bragged about all this to me while I was struggling just to make ends meet and they would never offer to help me. They gave gifts at appropriate times but never any extra. Now she is destitute and in a nursing home. It is not even a nice one. But, that was all her doing by her choices and I had nothing to do with it. I sort of feel guilty for not writing or calling, but not much. I am sorry that her life turned out like it did but you should not judge ANYONE because the shoe can always fit on the other foot! I really don't feel obligated to talk to her anymore. What do you t.=hink? Thanks.

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3pinkroses Jan 2012
Patti, I understand how you feel and you seem like a kind and loving person. As a parent, I would have helped my child when they were struggling instead of a trip - so, I agree with you there. I've had many problems with my mother who is in a nursing home and long story, short - due to things she has done to me; it would have been easy to walk away. But, she is a human being and one of Gods children first - I chose to continue to be there for her even against my family's opinions. It was the right thing for me and have no regrets. If you did visit her, you might be surprised how good it would make you feel - to be the better person. God bless and I know it is not easy.
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NancyH Jan 2012
Patti, I don't see the harm in visiting your step-mom. She's in a nursing home, she's old, she's on her last leg probably, so go visit. Time to bury the hatchet (and not in her back) ha
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I understand your question because my family was always filled with step-relatives. My parents had to make the decision as to how much of a relationship we would all have with my father's step-mother as she became older. She,too, made certain she had the best of everything but did not offer to help during tough times. My father made the decision to help her as she became older. We all had unspoken comments that no longer needed to be said and they were not. Nannie knew what she had done and what she should have done but didn't. In the end we were all blessed by my father's decision. A visit from you might give you the chance to make certain she is not abused. Cards mean a great deal to people. You could send those frequently. You are very hurt by not being a priority. I can relate to that so much. My way of healing myself is to be better to the person that hurt me than they were to me. I let God do the rest, and He always does. Also, checking on your step-mother's living conditions is so important not just for her, but also for anyone else living in the nursing home. I am praying for you. I know how hard it is to let go of pain and hurt. Take care and stay in touch with us.
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Patti4Mom Jan 2012
I have forgiven, but it does say in the Bible that if someone is in need and you wish them good day and do not help them that is not right.

1 John 3:17
But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?
Revelation 3:17
Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked.

Anyway, I think they were abusive and I am just thinking that I don't want to see her any more. I pray for her not to be abused in her nursing home and it is just too bad that she had everything and shared nothing. Now she has nothing. I guess I am just hurt that people didn't value me and they valued their money, their things and they cannot take them with them. I did love them, but I was not good enough for them. I have experienced the Love of Christ many times from true Christians. I feel rich! Don't worry about bitterness, God will heal me. God is good! I don't really think it is bitterness. Actually, I guess it is envy. There! I can be free now and thank you. I hope this helps others that read. If not, look in the mirror. Thanks Jeanne
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jeannegibbs Jan 2012
I don't think you are obligated to talk to her any more.

I don't think your father and his wife were obligated to curtail their trips so that they could help you out financially.

I think there is more than a little bit of bitterness lingering here. I think you might feel a whole lot better if you could let go of that, but that is your doing and your choice.

Perhaps if you followed your own advice and stopped judging this person that your father loved, and extended a kind word or an occasional visit, it would feel good to you. I know nothing about your spiritual beliefs. Do they include anything about forgiveness? But you are certainly under no obligation to be nice to this person at the end of her life. She made her choices. You can make yours.

The fact that you are asking for opinions, though, tells me you are not totally satisfied with your current choice.
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