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He has assets in his name only, 2nd marriage for both, they were widowed, now he wants the children to place her in a nursing home...what options do I have to get her care using her security income only...I can not afford a nursing home for her by myself.

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First of all, if you have a situation where mom has to go to the hospital AND if they will keep her for 3 days for any medical reason, she can then go to a nursing home for rehab and Medicare pays for 90 days. During that time, you will be applying to Medicaid. If, getting Medicaid takes longer than the 90 days, most nursing homes are willing to let her stay knowing that eventually, Medicaid will back pay them for the time she has been there. Hope this helped a little bit.
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To all of Nona's children: Where would you like to put your mother? Regardless of her marital status ( her husband could divorce her even at this late stage of life),
it is up to all of you to get together and try to fulfill your mother's wishes for a comfortable, worry-free, end-of-life. My suggestion: Divide the cost among you. Ask Papa to kick in his fair share.
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If she has no significant assets of her own and just social security income, she should qualify for either the county nursing facility or a nursing home that accepts medicare. The county home would be my first preference. In most counties (here in PA anyway), the care is as good or better than at a nursing home that accepts medicare.
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The situation is different for a married person with the spouse livng in the community (not in NH). But Medicaid is still the appropriate potential option to check out. Medicare does not cover long term care centers.
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to suzmarie, In Virginia Medicaid not only covers the long term nursing home expenses but all personal care items such as wet wipes, facial tissues, pullups, toothpaste, mouthwash etc. Check into it.
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As Chimonger says, how spousal assets are treated must vary by state. For my husband to go on Medicaid I had to spend down assets that were in my name only -- for example, I had to withdraw from my 401K plan, paying a penalty in the process. :( But it was ultimately worth it. We applied ahead of need, and as it turned out he has not needed nursing home care -- yet. But we are benefitting from various in-home care and excellent prescription coverage, etc.

So ... Nonaneedscare, check into the specific requirements for your mother's situation. I think that a case worker from Social Services could help you with that task. And I agree that there is probably no such this as "affordable nursing homes" except for the truly wealthy. You should not expect to pay your mother's way, unless you yourself (and your sibs) are relatively wealthy. It doesn't make a lot of sense to pay your mother's way now and to wind up not being able to pay your own way later. Use your extra funds to plan for your own old age. See what public funds mother is eligible for now. This is not being selfish -- it is being sensible.

Starting with Social Services in our county was invaluble when we first faced dementia. I hope it proves very helpful for yuo.
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Well ladies, Part of what one of you said is very true to form, however, in California there is medi-cal for LTC which does not leave the remaining spouse without funds. A married couple is allowed up to $113,000.00 in assets, (house and car is exempt) before property becomes an issue and up to $2700.00 monthly income without a SOC. The income remains with the spouse at home. The program is called Spousal Improvishment. There are many companies out there
that deal with estate planning as well. I worked for almost 20 yrs doing medi-cal
and although I have retired I know the program as I also work for a NH as one
of the admissions office staff. Unfortunally, unless there was an agreement between the couple prior to marriage, his assets could possible still be used.
Call your local Social Services office and ask for medi-cal-Medicaid specialist
that can help with LTC application. Good Luck to You
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1. Look for group elder care homes in your area.
2. Hire a geriatric care manager for a few hours to give you the local resources
3. Talk to an elder care lawyer.
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Have they looked into Medicaid?
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All things considered: Medicaid should be the first option. Nona's assets are the only assets to be considered, not Papa's.
Last option: Put Nona in a Nursing Home, and everyone ( including her children) help out with the bill.
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