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He has assets in his name only, 2nd marriage for both, they were widowed, now he wants the children to place her in a nursing home...what options do I have to get her care using her security income only...I can not afford a nursing home for her by myself.

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jlc, why do you no qualify for medicaid? Is it because he is still at home? I would look into medicaid for LTC. Even with a SOC would be better. Some states like California have In Home service which can help you keep him home longer, but
check out the LTC (Long term care) portion of the Medicaide program. Alot of time the person might not quilify if they are staying at home but does indeed quilify if their enter a NH.
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I agree somewhat with Rock-in-a Hard Place. Hiring a geriatric care specialist is first on the list. I have found that Group Homes are less than desirable....... Certainly no better than keeping her at home.
I would evaluate the financial situation. Married Filing Jointly? Look at the last five Returns. Husband has assets in his name only? Ho old are these two? How long have they been married? Do they live in one of the community property states? An elder care lawyer should be able to point you in the right direction. Are the children theirs or just hers?
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My husband is at home. He has newly diagnosed senile dementia and also esophageal cancer. When and if he has to go nursing home our insurance only pays for 12 days...what in God's name do we do? We make $3500.00 railroad retirement and have no savings, please help. We do not qualify for Medicaid.
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What if you have to go to nursing home and make 3500.00 per both for retirement, have no savings and cannot receive Medicaid because you receive too much, what happens to the loved one?
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To all of Nona's children: Where would you like to put your mother? Regardless of her marital status ( her husband could divorce her even at this late stage of life),
it is up to all of you to get together and try to fulfill your mother's wishes for a comfortable, worry-free, end-of-life. My suggestion: Divide the cost among you. Ask Papa to kick in his fair share.
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Chimonger, I have also heard of this type of tracking done, I know of several older adults that would have normally married but have choice not to because of finacial reasons, mainly back child support. With the new systems of tracking SSN# from state to state they are finding more and more dead beat dads who owe.
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1. Look for group elder care homes in your area.
2. Hire a geriatric care manager for a few hours to give you the local resources
3. Talk to an elder care lawyer.
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IT is absolutely proper to ask advice from Elder Law or legal aid.
Your local Area Agency on Aging usually has volunteer lawyers come in to counsel folks needing that kind of advice, and more.
The worst case of a State pursuing a near-destitute elder,
was a sickly Veteran, in his 70's, married a partner in WA, in his dotage.
He had former spouses in CA, as well as adult children--those legal cases had been closed DECADES before he married the gal in WA.

YET...CA tracked him down and started garnishing his SSI check for past unpaid Child Support--his kids all agreed it was ridiculous.
His SSI check was all he had, and it was only about $500/mo.
Between his and the current wife's SSI, they still didn't clear $1000/mo, and had plenty medical expenses for both of them. They lived in a large 5th wheel trailer they parked anywhere they could find someone to let them.
[[Kinda wondering why they married
--it sure didn't make ANY financial sense!]]
The couple were so overwhelmed, they simply were unable to deal with fighting the State of CA to stop those garnishments.
The State was STILL trying to collect from the wife, after the man died!!!
It was a glaring travesty, something that should NEVER have happened.

Stuff like that happens with joint estates.
Just best to do your homework and footwork before needs arise!
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Well ladies, Part of what one of you said is very true to form, however, in California there is medi-cal for LTC which does not leave the remaining spouse without funds. A married couple is allowed up to $113,000.00 in assets, (house and car is exempt) before property becomes an issue and up to $2700.00 monthly income without a SOC. The income remains with the spouse at home. The program is called Spousal Improvishment. There are many companies out there
that deal with estate planning as well. I worked for almost 20 yrs doing medi-cal
and although I have retired I know the program as I also work for a NH as one
of the admissions office staff. Unfortunally, unless there was an agreement between the couple prior to marriage, his assets could possible still be used.
Call your local Social Services office and ask for medi-cal-Medicaid specialist
that can help with LTC application. Good Luck to You
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As Chimonger says, how spousal assets are treated must vary by state. For my husband to go on Medicaid I had to spend down assets that were in my name only -- for example, I had to withdraw from my 401K plan, paying a penalty in the process. :( But it was ultimately worth it. We applied ahead of need, and as it turned out he has not needed nursing home care -- yet. But we are benefitting from various in-home care and excellent prescription coverage, etc.

So ... Nonaneedscare, check into the specific requirements for your mother's situation. I think that a case worker from Social Services could help you with that task. And I agree that there is probably no such this as "affordable nursing homes" except for the truly wealthy. You should not expect to pay your mother's way, unless you yourself (and your sibs) are relatively wealthy. It doesn't make a lot of sense to pay your mother's way now and to wind up not being able to pay your own way later. Use your extra funds to plan for your own old age. See what public funds mother is eligible for now. This is not being selfish -- it is being sensible.

Starting with Social Services in our county was invaluble when we first faced dementia. I hope it proves very helpful for yuo.
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Wow Chimonger you really are sooo helpful. I think if I were asking this question, I certainly would be listening to you. Great answer.
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If an elder enters an acute hosptial for treatment, and cannot return home, the in-hosp. Social Worker/Patient Advocate, should be able to rapidly coordinate getting her placed into a long-term care facility.
That might also look like a home that has been converted into a Care Home, housing a handful of elders.
In any case, Nona's Social Security and Medicaide are what is considered.
HOWEVER, if she has been joint owner of assets with Dad, while the facililities and State cannot do much while he lives in that property, once he dies, the State can come back to collect repayment from their Joint Estate.
IF they own nothing [and they "look back" about 5 years], then SSI + Medicaide take over and pay for the care, and there is no recourse.
IF the State pursuing repayment from estate assets would cause immediate family to be destitute, and lose ability to suppoort themselves, thus becoming State-dependenet, the State usually stops pursuing repayment from the estate.
But there are differences between States Laws governing assets and access to Medicaide
--some States even consider assets that were only in the name of the other spouse.
In CA, for instance, it used to be that if someone owned their primary residence free and clear before they married, that property was totally NOT "joint property".
However, if assets were transferred to one spouse after the marriage,
or, if the one spouse bought the assets during marriage, but kept them in his name only, those might still be fair game for attachement by the State to repay Medicaide for care given an elder.
It gets pretty complicated, so it would be wise to ask questions of the local welfare offices, or from Social Workers, or Elder Law offices local to you.

As for "affordable" nursing homes??
I doubt there is any such thing.
Those places have such huge overhead, it is unimaginable.
Even hiring in-home care, is almost as costly, if done through an agency.
There are free-lance workers, who will work for less, but it is a crap-shoot what kind of person you might find that way, and there is no gurantee that you will have any recourse if something goes wrong.
Personally, I knew a lady who worked free-lance home care, and was extremely good, honest, and caring.
But I have met up with horror stories, too, in both free-lance, agency, and facilities.
The best one can do, is due diligence, get as much information as you can, then keep a watchful eye on the situation.
{{{hugs!}}}
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First of all, if you have a situation where mom has to go to the hospital AND if they will keep her for 3 days for any medical reason, she can then go to a nursing home for rehab and Medicare pays for 90 days. During that time, you will be applying to Medicaid. If, getting Medicaid takes longer than the 90 days, most nursing homes are willing to let her stay knowing that eventually, Medicaid will back pay them for the time she has been there. Hope this helped a little bit.
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All things considered: Medicaid should be the first option. Nona's assets are the only assets to be considered, not Papa's.
Last option: Put Nona in a Nursing Home, and everyone ( including her children) help out with the bill.
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to suzmarie, In Virginia Medicaid not only covers the long term nursing home expenses but all personal care items such as wet wipes, facial tissues, pullups, toothpaste, mouthwash etc. Check into it.
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The situation is different for a married person with the spouse livng in the community (not in NH). But Medicaid is still the appropriate potential option to check out. Medicare does not cover long term care centers.
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I don't believe medicare covers nursing homes. In CA we have the California version of medicaid which is medi-cal. Both of these cover skilled nursing facilities. One has to qualify; check out the requirements by calling the one in your country/state. Medi-cal requires that you have no more than 2k in assets which qualified my mom. She only receives ss income. Most of her ss check goes to the NH. she is allowed to keep $35 a month, that's it. With that we buy clothes, her food treats, wipes for her eyes, wipes for her butt and all those sorts of things.
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Have they looked into Medicaid?
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If she has no significant assets of her own and just social security income, she should qualify for either the county nursing facility or a nursing home that accepts medicare. The county home would be my first preference. In most counties (here in PA anyway), the care is as good or better than at a nursing home that accepts medicare.
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