How often should I visit my Mom in her assisted living community?

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There has been a steady decline since January, both mentally & physically. We ultimately brought in a live-in for her (in her home). She recently was hospitalized and is now in rehab. Since the mental decline has been so sharp, it is obvious, she can't speak for herself. Post rehab, we expect to move her to a memory care unit in an assisted living community. I feel someone should stop by every day. My family thinks I am obsessive. Still, it seems that since she can't speak for herself, someone should be looking out for her. I appreciate any experiences and insight from other caregivers.

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Laura, I have been talking with a LOT of folks lately. One suggested an AL with a live in! Not all ALs allow live ins, but perhaps an aide at night would prevent/provide company during the nighttime wanderings. The suggester (the owner of an agency that provides aides) said I could use an AL at the lowest level of service and add a live in. That gives the amenities of the AL along with one-on-one care. I realize he is pushing for his services, but honestly it didn't seem like the worst idea I've heard.
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Our mom has been moved three times since January due to the fact that she is a wanderer and will not sleep, even at night. The most she sleeps at a time is about three hours. While she is very sweet we have been told that she is "a lot of work" because of her constant movement. Yesterday I was told we need to move her again because she is requiring a one on one staff member in her current facility, which is a nursing home. We cannot find the right fit for her, we have had her in an assisted living facility, a memory care facility and now a nursing home. What do we do next?
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Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond and for your thoughts. They were all helpful. And thanks Karie for the link to the article, I obviously missed it! : - )
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Do unto another as you would have them do to you. Ask yourself, Q. Would you want your family to visit you often as they can or just because they felt they HAD to?
Personally, I would rather they visit as often as they can because 1. They/We are there to give the family relief and also have nursing care. 2. Visitation stimulates the mind, body, spirit and soul. They/We are not dead yet.
Can you think of any other reason to visit often?
I can think of one reason why some cannot visit, its because of Distance.
Perhaps the above AgingCare.com Team may have some answers.
Good luck and God bless.
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It is hard, but wouldn't we all want someone looking in on us if we were in the same situation? I went to check on my mother every day, for hours, and was exhausted and drained. Eventually I learned to go less often for shorter visits, bring snacks for the staff (they love that), take my mom's wheelchair out to the garden, and leave before I felt overwhelmed. I think my mother's cognition improved with my visits, and being there every day allowed me to supervise her physical therapy and general care. It took a lot of patience while she was recuperating -- for weeks she seemed to have severe brain damage from a stroke or the surgery -- I do think she was overmedicated and disoriented.
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Hi egw07305,

Thank you for submitting this question on our website. We appreciate your involvement in our caregiving community.
There is a great article written by an AgingCare.com Editor that was already posted in our community. We thought this might answer your caregiving question.

LINK:
“How often should I visit mom when she first moves into the nursing home?”
https://www.agingcare.com/Answers/visiting-alzheimers-patients-nursing-home-140010.htm

We hope this helps. Please let us know if you need anything else and we look forward to seeing more questions and discussions from you.

Thank you,
Karie H.
The AgingCare.com Team
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My step sister found that she needed to go quite frequently when her mom was first in the assisted living but as she settled in the need for visits dropped off. Once the settling in was accomplished the visits are a couple of times each week normally and it seems to work great. Make sure that you take some time for yourself or you may find yourself getting burned out and/or becoming resentful toward mom for your not having a life of your own. It is a tough balance but you will find what is right for you.
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At first I was at the home 4 days a week with my son going 1-2 to visit at well. Seemed the more I was there in the begining, the more my Mom expected me to be there daily. Little by little I backed off and came 3 times a week ,and son 1. Now I go about 2 times a week with my son going 1. Mom has been at the home for almost 2 years now. She needed to adjust and I needed to help her.Also you have be careful you don't get burned out. I came very close to that many times and needed to take a breath and take care of myself as well.
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You need to stop and see her as often as you feel comfortable. Just because she may not know you or remember you were there, you will know. Some of my siblings no longer buy Dad gifts or even send cards on his special days, "What's the point, He doesn't know who we are or what the day means?" The point is I love and care for my dad,even if he doesn 't always know i am or that I am his daughter. He knows I care about him and want him to be safe and secure, the way he and my mother made me feel growing up. You will feel better knowing she is safe and being cared for. Once you are reassured you may not feel the need to stop everyday.
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You are both right. It is imperative that a family member or friend drop by (unannounced and at different times) once and awhile to make sure that she is getting proper care. Look for signs of neglect or abuse. Keep in touch with the director if you see anything suspicious.
And you do not need to go everyday. In fact, most staff directors suggest detaching a bit so that the resident can get settled in. What is driving you is guilt, not obsession. We, as caregivers, think that we are the only ones who can care for a loved one. I have noticed that seniors seem to decline after a traumatic event. It is just the aging process and it is different for everyone. But if your Mom is safe, getting nourishment, is clean, and doing as well as anyone could in her condition, then you can go back to being the loving daughter who does everything else - and that's a LOT.
good luck
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