dayzee4444 Asked July 2010

My mom is in a nursing home and my brother is the POA. If he will not let me see her, can the nursing home refuse to let me visit?

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lach61 Aug 2010
I, too, say the same thing as DanielRomero. Unless there is a restraining order that says you can't contact her in any way, your brother has no leg to stand on (legally). Go see her in good health!
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yet another original poster who does not participate in their own thread. And we blather on and on offering suggestions, none of which are commented on nor acted upon, apparently. Basta!
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N1K2R3 Jul 2010
There are two sides to every story, and that's why we have courts. What is the reason that you are "not allowed"tovisit your mother?
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hapfra Jul 2010
Dayzee--this sounds very strange to me, that you should be blocked from visiting your Mom---So I took it upon myself to see what I could find for you-and came up with this:
I'm assuming you've already had the hard conversation -- very tightly focused on what's best for your mother -- with your brother who is hell-bent on blocking your access to her. If not, try it. You may be able to find out specifics about his concerns that will help you all be able to pull together rather than be torn farther apart during this difficult time.

You have lived your life with the ins and outs of your particular family members. If that urging just seems futile, your best bet may be to do an end run around your brother and contact the administrator at your mother's nursing home. He or she may work with you in finding a solution, which may be as simple as setting up a staggered visiting schedule for you and your brother.

Many nursing homes also have family councils or dispute resolution panels that help resolve conflicts that involve their residents.

If your heart tells you it's time to try to make visits with your mother, no matter how difficult it may seem, then follow this path. In the long haul-things may just work out.
Best~
Hap
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PirateGal Jul 2010
Go and visit...I am sure they won't even notice...lol! Stop by the front desk and ask for her.....I bet if an old neighbor went to go visit someone they would not stop them..thre is staff there all the time. Why does he not want you to see her...what's the underlying story here? Is he worried you are going to have her sign something behind his back or something?
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IsabelCares Jul 2010
I agree with DanielRomero's take, dayzee. Has he barred all visitors to see your Mom, or just you? If it's just you and you've never been to see your Mom at the home, how would the nursing home enforce the ban you think he has in place?
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Unless there is a restraining order preventing you from contacting your mother, your brother has no legal right to prevent you from contacting your mother.
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My mother is conserved by Public Guardian's office for both person and estate, because of financial abuse by two sisters. The PG and I have had some arguments because the sisters want to see (or write, or phone) their mother as "much as they want." Which is pretty much a card at Christmas and birthday and one a visit for a few hours every six months. THEY even had me investigated for complaining to them about their mother.

The PG said, "They have the right to contact their mother as much as they want to."
"Yeah, but they never want to...or if one of them phones, it's a thirty second phone call, if that."
"Well, then if you sister wants a relationship with her mother that is a thirty second phone call every six months...then that is her right to have that."

The judge in the hearing also cut me short when mention of visiting came up, I didn't even get to complain that two of my sisters perpetrated credit card abuse, forgery, unrepaid loans against my mother. I didn't even get to say that when the judge banged, "I don't care if your sister is in jail for murder, she has a right to see her mother."

Your brother is misusing his POA from what I can see. And he is NOT guardian, and from my case, even if he were, he could not prevent you from seeing her. I did harangue the PG's office to set limits on the family visits (number of people at one time, and time length), including one of these two sisters who insisted on using mom's HOUSE as her holiday social hall. Ignoring Mom who hid in her bedroom to escape the chaos, and leaving me all the work to clean up before and after. After the initial hellos, they all ignored her. (Eventually, this turned out to be a good thing with visits only with Mom and not with each other.)

Anyway, these sorts of policies may vary from state to state, and you can perhaps file a complaint with the county superior court investigator (as I did against the county's own PG office when they mismanaged Mom's affairs). The court authorized him to be POA, and he is misusing his authority.
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NANCE Jul 2010
Just go see her.
I'm sure social service there will let you see her-who the hell does he think he is--God ??
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N1K2R3 Jul 2010
Your brother has POA over what? Medical Affairs? Financial Affairs? Both? Since he does not have "Guardian Status", I do not beleive that he can prevent you from visiting your mother. Seek counsel.
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