Do you ever feel like running away from everything, as a caregiver? Are these feelings normal?

You are so normal. I put my running shoes on everyday. I don't go anywhere for God knows whatever reason.

I am tired of giving up my life. I keep at it so my grandmother can die with dignity at home, but we're starting year 3 and I'm starting to think that this 89 year-old shadow of her former self will live to be 114.

I totally understand the desperation. I also understand the guilt.

For me to be free, grandma must go to greater glory or she must go to a nursing home. She is happier here in her own home. I still pray for release.

I can only imagine trying to do this for a MIL. I didn't even like my MIL. I couldn't have signed up to full time care for her. I know my limits, and honestly my own grandmother who I love with all my heart is pushing the limit.

Hugs to you. You are very normal.

Oh my gosh...my husband just talks about selling our house and go living in a camper somewhere near the ocean...when his Dad dies. He has to talk like this to keep his sanity...to just have the dream as a possibility out there. I feel like a prisoner in my own home definitely with my father in law living with Kenny and me. We are retired and it was nice to be able to put on my nightie and sit in the living room and watch tv together before bedtime but I can't caz his Dad is sitting there. Or be able to go anywhere without having to pick up the wheelchair in and out of the trunk twice just to go to the grocery. But he wants constant entertainment to be taken places out of the house as soon as he gets up...or else he is walking with his walker circles around the house which drives me nutty. And I feel guilty having all these feelings of selfishness when I should be thankful for him being alive. I was so bad one night I actually looked up to see how long people with parkinsons live, wondering how long would I have to live like this. That is selfish, I know and I feel guilty about it. I do want my father in law who is kind and a good man to live a long life...it is just so hard giving up your life completely just to be a total slave to somebody else all day everyday and no appreciation. These were the few years my husband and I should be enjoying our retirement..but 6 years and I am thinking he will outlive both of us. So YES I RELATE BIG TIME!!!

Wow. I am the only one living with my mom who is almost 96, dementia increasingly annoying me. She can talk to herself ALL night and still not sleep the following day unless of course I go to feed her. Then she wants to sleep! She still eats pretty good and allot - but it seems to be 30 minutes in between bites. By dinner I'm on patience reserve. Since my bedroom is next to hers I can hear her crying, shouting, talking and all this drama she creates with these imaginary people in her room . I actually take 3 days off (6 hrs a pop)! YOU NEED CONSISTANT DAYS in which you take time away. I would have snapped before now if I didn't. I actually had a friend begin this venture with me and she bailed after 3 months and she had done this before!!! I too would like to see this through to my mother's end since every day I have to remind her she lives with me which gives her great relief. Just those rare moments of joy she expresses in having me take care of her seems to make it worth it. You are giving to your husband and giving to his mother, and your well is dry. I'm almost certain he thinks he knows what you're going through but he doesn't. You probably have little to no interaction with other people-as he does at work. Your days are planned around her moods and sleep patterns. When you have the time you lack the energy to either clean, wash or do for yourself- then feel guilty, right? You sleep with one eye and one ear open - never really resting. You 'must' find someone that can relieve you for $8 to $10 an hour and hopefully your husband can afford that or your mil can. This is too much for anyone. The mental, physical and emotional toll is nothing I have experienced either but it is never ending. I never had children (58yrs now) and when people say "oh it's just like having kids" - a friend of mine said NO IT ISN'T. Children grow up and learn to do for themselves, a person with dementia only requires MORE care. Please find a way to get away at least 2 days a week if not 3. Good Luck!!

You are not alone! When I opted to move from Cal. to "look after" my mom after my dad died 12 years ago I did not realize what a deep trap I had fallen into. Mom is a hypocondriac and a pessimist and a narcissist with OCD. When dad was alive I did not notice it so much (though a lot of things that have happened in the past now come clear), I lived a long way away and I did not realize how much he absorbed. I had my last vacation in 2003, it is hard for me to even get away for a day to shop. It is not all hypocondria, mom does have physical problems, but she wants the doctors and me to make her like she was when she was 30 (no, she does not have dimentia - I had her doctor examine her for that). There is no one else to take the strain off, I am 68 and I feel my last vital years draining away like sand, which makes me sad most of the day. When I bought the house I promised mom she would have a home with me until she herself thought it was time for the nursing home or died. Now, 12 years later I realize she will never agree to nursing home, we cannot afford a live in nurse, her quality of life sucks and so does mine. Like headbanger, I see no relief in sight, I try and do things that please me, but ther is very little time to devote to my own self-satisfaction. Mom 'absorbs' any effort as her due.

I get Tuesdays off.......for 6 hours. Tuesday is the shortest day of the week. You may not have known that before. And the time between 10 am and 4 pm lasts just about 30 minutes. Trust me. I know this to be true. Now I am going to shower. My mom says it lasts for 1 hour and I say I barely get wet, much less get the soap off. Go figure...............

You have "hit the wall" - it happens at different times for all of us. Something internally is telling you that you desperately need a change.
Does your husband have siblings? If so, you need to call a family meeting and let them know that it is their turn to step up. It is important that your hub back you 100%.
If that is not possible, start looking into assisted living centers and nursing homes. The reason you may be feeling overwhelmed is that your MIL is declining and you do not have the training to keep up with her needs. Added to that, you are alone with her most of the day and completely isolated.
As much as you love your MIL, you should not be the primary person responsible for her care. You were just the one it got handed to. Me thinks that if your hub had to do this all day, he would be looking for other housing placements.
Caregivers have to stop suffering in silence. NO ONE will take care of your mental and physical well-being but you.
It is okay to come here to vent...we all do it. However, do one thing, starting today, that will help change your situation for the better. Start by talking to the hub and letting him know that you are no longer willing to take on this responsibility and then stick to it.
good luck...let us know how you are progressing.

Oh yeah, completely normal and totally understandable. I felt like you do two years ago when I was only providing maybe ten hours a week of caregiving to my mother-in-law and she lived in her own home and we even had a lady coming a couple of days a week to help her. So I totally admire you for giving all you are giving without running away--I felt like that all the time. I felt even worse when I would talk to caregivers who had such a sunny, I love to help attitude and I would feel like a piece of crap. This was the hardest thing I ever had to to in my life, I hated every minute of it, and I have never felt worse about myself. So yes, your feelings are NORMAL and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Many days I would just set and think about what I could put in a small bag, get up. close the door and drive until I ran out of gas. So, yes what you are feeling is normal.. don't despair or beat up on yourself, that takes energy too. Many on this sight and other threads are here for you. As long as we can talk about it, it keeps the hopelessness at bay , a little...hugs to you..

Noname, Have you checked with your local senior services? Does your area have a senior center or adult day program? Start with the senior center first if you have one. They can give you all kinds of info on area senior services. Get the information you need, then talk to your husband and his brothers about options for their Mom.
She may actually enjoy getting out to socialize and be with someone other than you for a few hours. Mom is pretty advanced in her dementia, but goes to adult daycare 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. I also have a full time helper during the day for the past year. The 2 years prior, I was on my own and ready to do something desperate! Everyone needs time to themselves for their own sanity.
Hope this helps!

Yes, I want to run away all the time. I am an only child of an only child. There is no one else to help or even care. It is unfair for people to be put in these situations. Its one thing to raise your own child(ren)...but just when we are "finishing" that task - then it begins with our parents.