What can I do if I need support from my family and friend but they won’t help and I cannot afford to hire help?

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I would suggest that you do a search for your local Area on Aging. Every county in the US has one. This will be your starting point, your "one stop shop" if you will to learn about federal, state, and local services that may be available to you.

Rather than look for money, you may find an easier time finding services. In your circumstances, it sounds like case management, respite, and adult day care will be very helpful and these services can mostly be had at little or no charge through both public, private, and not for profit entities.

If she is eligible or can become eligible she may benefit from Medicaid home and community based services if available in your area. Medicaid will subsidize some expenses leaving more money for other services.

Lastly, if she or her spouse was a veteran she may be eligible for VA Aid and Attendance Improved Pension which will provide her, as a surviving spouse, up to $1056 per month towards her unreimbursed cost of care.

P.S. It is difficult to compel family members to do anything. Everyone has there reasons for being involved or not being involved...some of these issues may go way back to childhood in some instances. I encourage my clients not waste tears and energy trying to get others to do things. Focus on you, your family, and your mother. Reach out to those who have the capacity and willingness to be of service...there are angels out there.
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Is this assitance for you or for a loved one? The basic answer is see if you can qualify for Medicare/Medicaid. States have some assistance...contact your local office on aging.
Everything depends on income, age, and physical state.
good luck
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How do I find our local office on aging? Is the the Medicare/Medicaid office? My dad died in October and my mom has moved in with me, my 3 siblings just assumed we would be the best bet for her. Two of my daughters help out during the week day so I can work. I can not afford to quit my job. Mom has dementia, depression and some stomach problems as well. I would like to pay someone to come into my home to help with mom. Most days she refuses to leave the house, so even if my siblings did offer to let her come stay with them for a little while, she would refuse.
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Has your mother any friends/peers anymore that could encourage her? Maybe one of them would come and play cards/games whatever, with her once in a while. What about church? Did she have a church that she went to regularly? If so, put the word out to whoever is in charge of senior activities and ask them for help in suggesting someone that might come and sit with her. Put on some music that she likes too. I love going to my 'happy place' with my music when I get stressed out.
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She does have some friends, but even though they have promised to come see her none of them have. She had a church, but it is about an hour away from my house. A lot of her friends/peers are in the same boat. She started going to church with me, but for the last 5 weeks she has refused to go. I am really stressed out right now because my family really wants all of us to attend church together this Sunday for Easter - (we have never not gone to church together on Easter), mom has been refusing to go lately. I am not at all sure what to do with her right now if she refuses to leave the house.
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Is it possible to talk with your siblings and let them know how this is effecting you? If they can pitch in and hire someone to come in once or twice a week that will give you time to yourself or to do other things she needs. If your Mom refuses to stay with your sibs, can they come to your home to give you a break? Also, if you need an extended break, your Mom will just have to get used to staying in another family member's home for a short period. (ask naheaton above about "tough love"...she's my hero!)
If you are just starting this journey, (and we have all been there) please remember, that since you are the primary caregiver that you have the final word. If your mother is not up to Easter services, then allow her to worship at home (God lives there too :o) Certain expectations are just not realistic as seniors get older. Stop putting additional stress on yourself - it seems to come on all by itself.
My mother, too, is refusing to leave her home. We stopped fighting it and just make sure she is comfortable and happy. We bring her food, take care of errands, bring her to the doctor, etc... It is all work and no fun, but there is no one else stepping up to the plate to help.
btw, you should be able to find an "office on aging" (goes by different names in each state) on either your state's website, (or city or county too.)
good luck and wishing you a calm Happy Easter
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Judil, since she still has friends, but they're in the same boat, maybe she should be visiting them at their house instead. She may need to stop thinking about herself a little, and more about the people that she still cares for. We all know when a person helps someone else, it helps them more. If you tell her that so and so is really down in the dumps and needs some company, why don't we drop by and visit? Bring a muffin or something, maybe she'll get out if she's doing it for someone less fortunate than herself. As far as the siblings are concerned, be specific when you tell them you need help. Don't leave it open ended and vague as to when you need them. Have specific times and activities that you want their assistance with. Maybe even a regular schedule that they know they are going to be doing something with their mother. Remind them that just because you're the one in the hot seat, they didn't dodge the bullet. If they won't help by being there, then make them cough up some money so you can hire someone. Either way, they need to get involved in one way or another. It's not just YOUR mother. Good luck, I hope something I said makes sense.
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