How do I handle nasty untruthful comments from father about my neglect of him made behind my back?

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The things he has been saying are hurtful and I am disappointed as I have been caring for him since my mother died. I only know because my brother called to tell me he was concerned that I was not taking care of dad and my sister called to say that my father has said really nasty things about me. My father's behavior is out of character with how he was before my mother died 10 months ago. Is this grief or dementia? He has been somewhat forgetful also.

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In order to back up what I do, I have a phone that takes photos, then I text them to both brother and sister. Example: breakfast, show photo of what was fixed, then time date, give short explanation. I do this for every meal. Then I record the nasty times, because no one believed she was being so mean to me. I mean she yells, screams, stomps, says profanities my way. BUT when my husband is here (her son) she is normally calm or complaining I didn't do something right. It just really bothered me when my own husband didn't believe what was going on in our house, at times. It is embarressing and hurtful to be treated this way - of someone telling other family members untruthful statements. It crushes me.
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Thanks for all your answers. Not only were they helpful, it was a relief to know that there are people out there that know what I am going through. I never knew what caring for an aging person meant until doing it myself and it sure isn't easy. One day at a time. Take care to everyone.
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You got some really good adivce on this already. You could also invite brother and sister to come and see, even drop in unannounced, so they can be reassured it is Dad's dementia and/or depression and not actual bad care. I really feel for people when the protective services authorities come calling, but they are generally pretty well seasoned people and usually see it if the abuse is only being imagined and is not real. Still, the stress is sky high. To hynwin, I sure feel for you and want to suggest looking into a guardianship as a POA would not be valid with this degree of dementia.
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I like to know what can i do about my spouse he has dementia. his behavor is very bad when it comes to me. He tells his kids that i beat him i dont. I have been going up and above for.three years. I am the only that come seen him in hospital. what can i do. the state was here today to get him some while go to work he told her i beat him to. He will not sing the paper work and he want let me be power of attorney.Please tell what can i do.
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Your reporting common symptoms of paranoid dementia. Many caregivers are the target of the patient's negative fixations. It is unfair and even more to the point, unfair when the non care taking siblings do not educate themselves about these symptoms. There is much written and on line about the deterioration of those with dementia including how patients target those closest to them. Please take your father to a geriatric psychiatrist and only one who also interviews the family for a full picture. Until you (and your siblings) have a specialists report about your dad's dementia your hurt and pain from this situation will continue.
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Try to learn as much about dementia as you can, and share your new knowledge with your siblings. This is one of the most difficult parts of caring for someone you love with dementia. It helps when you know it is the disease in charge of these statements, not your loving father.
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So sorry you are going through this; it is quite sad when they behave out of character and there is nothing you can do about it. Dementia is an insidious disease and can cause dramatic changes. Just know in your heart it is the dementia causing these changes; and the lying, etc. is part of it. As Jam said, it is good to ensure that your siblings understand all this about Dementia so they will realize it has nothing to do with the care you are giving.

My mother is in a nursing home; she lies to the staff about me all the time - takes a while to learn to ignore it. Hopefully, there are more good days than bad. Blessings and take care.
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Freddy, it sounds like it may be a little of both that is causing Dad to act out, although I think perhaps it's more than likely dementia. That disease will cause all different types of symptoms. One minute they may be loving and the next minute strike out with negative words. I know it's hard to ignore, but if possible try to understand that hurtful words that may come out of Dad's mouth are probably not intentional. Also try to get your siblings to understand how dementia works so that they will not automatically think you are at fault and question your care. Care giving for a loved one with dementia can be so rewarding one day and heart-breaking the next. Sending good wishes your way..........
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