carmen1 Asked March 2010

I hired a new caregiver for my mother and she is already looking for things about the caregiver that she doesn’t like. The caregiver is good, so what do I do now?

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pamela6148 Mar 2010
Carmen I'm with Naheaton on this one. If you like the caregiver that's all that matters and you should go with your gut instinct.

Your mom really wants YOU to take care of her. Don't fall into that trap or you'll be there forever.
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tennessee Mar 2010
My dad was the same way, he only wanted me-me and me. I hired people on my own without anyones approval. I was wore out.You know your parent, if there needs are being met, they will come around.Then you will have to deal with them liking them too much.
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cac Mar 2010
Thanks naheaton!

We were going to do that very thing but the Social Services director where she is staying said she had seen to many like my mother and we would lose if we go to court. That is why we decided to let things rest unless we cannot tolerate her anymore. If she leaves, social services will call Eldery Services and it will be taken out of our hands. We do not want the state to have to care for her, but we may not have a choice. I was at the end of my rope and needed to vent to someone, thank you.
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NancyH Mar 2010
I don't understand how your mother can fool the doctors during a psych evaluation, when the people right where she lives can be a witness to her behavior. Maybe it's time for a second opinion of her mental state by a different doctor. "You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.".
She needs to have the power to have herself moved out of these places taken away from her due to incompetency.
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PirateGal Mar 2010
Carmen, as I mentioned just now to cac...please give it some time, my mom did not want anybody either and then got used to it.
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PirateGal Mar 2010
cac, boy oh boy don't I know the type...yes N's (NPD Narcissistic Personalilty Disorder) is a pain. YEP....it seems she may need some psych meds to help calm her down. If the caregiver is nice, she may still lash out at her, but she will soon learn she needs one as to that is the person who will actually help her. My mom did not want anybody in the beginning and then got used to it. Now slowly since she is declining I add more caregiver time.
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cac Mar 2010
My mother is 94 and has been difficult and selfish her whole life. Five years ago, my sister and I moved her to Florida close to us so we could care for her in her declining years. The day before moving she pitched the biggest tantrum I have ever seen. When we tried to talk to her, she screamed in our faces. Since then, she has had a least a dozen of these episodes. We believe she thinks we will get tired of it and send her back to North Ga and one of us will have to live with her. I have always believed she was and is mentally ill. Yes, we had her evaluated and she fooled the doctor. In the past, she has lived with me and one brother. I nearly had a breakdown, and my brother almost divorced because of her tantrums and having to be the center of attention. she broke her hip 9 months ago and we hired caregivers and she fired them after only a few weeks. Because she is so stubborn, she fell again and broke her wrist. She is almost deaf and blind in one eye and failing sight in the other. She cannot see to take her meds. My sister has been visiting almost daily. I live two hours away but was visiting two days a week or more and staying with her. She has lived in three places since we moved her here and hates Florida. She has resorted to calling people names and hurting with words. There are five children, and we talked about what would be safe and give mother the care she needs. A place that she could still have some freedom. One place was expensive, but she had done some of her rehab there. Beautiful interior, great employees, birds, animals and always smelled nice as they bathed most patients daily. She has pitched so many tantrums that it has become an embarassment. We are afraid the place will not keep her and this is my mother's goal. She has called my sister a thief. We are all appalled at this as my sister would never take anything. The only reason my mother has what she has is because of her children. We have all helped support her over the years. My sister and I are exhausted and do not know where to turn. If she decides to leave the place and can manage to get out, she will. She cannot take care of herself. If we have to we will call Elderly Services. My sister has been hurt so much that I do not think she will ever get over this last hurtful session. Right now, I am running, my skin is not as thick as my sisters and I just cry all the time. Help!
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vaterry Mar 2010
My mother did the same to me over the caregiver. I did not give in because I liked her and now my mother can't get enough of her. Choose someone that you feel comfortable with and stick with them.
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NancyH Mar 2010
I have a feeling that no care giver, even one sent from God Himself, is gonna make your mom happy. Don't give up, cause what she really wants is just YOU, and then you lose.
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