My mom has lymphoma. My mom's boyfriend is asking that I put her in a care facility, pay all of his bills and care for him so their house isn't lost. How do I make the right choices?

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My mom was diagnosed with lympoma stage 4 type b and I wonder how do I make the right choices .Her boyfriend of 35 years also is terminal and now he has asked that i give up my life leave mom in care facility and pay all his bills and care for him so the house is not lost? I live 4 hours away and they lived like horrible filthyness and i have ocd..so i wonder if i just let the home go? My thought was to cook up a bunch of meals make homemade microwave meals and just go every 12 days and clean and check on him? Or let the bills go and let him be forced into a long term facility?I have others i have cared for many years in my own home now and he doesnt want these type of people around him.i have developmentally challenged i care for and they make him to nervous.so when i help him i have to pay someone daycare to make him satisfied? I he also will not let anyone in the home to help him he has social anxiety desease.so i wonder if i may make wrong desision? I know hes only getting 701 $ a month he pays for a truck thats been broken down over 1 year i tried asking him let it be repossed it wont hurt the credit he hasnt got anyway

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Katzy,

First, I don't see why your mom's boyfriend has any right to be making demands on you to give up your life to come take care of him. Don't let him use you that way.

There's a lot to consider here. Where is your mom now? At home or in a facility? Is her house paid off? What is it worth? Is it in her name alone?

If the house has some value and is paid off or almost paid off, you probably will want to try to save it -- either to sell to help pay for their care or to house them.

What is your mom's boyfriend's terminal illness? Can he take care of himself; what's the prognosis as far as how long he will live?

I agree with you he doesn't need to be paying off a truck that doesn't run when he has bad credit anyway.

I would not allow his "social anxiety" or his "nervousness" about living with others to bully you into doing something you can't afford to do.

You have a lot to deal with and need to get all the information down on paper as far as finances and costs of health care needed for their disease, including a paid caregiver to look in on them if they stay at home.

I'm not sure anyone can give you the right answer without additional details.

Do you have any other family to help out? Other children or siblings of your mom?

My heart goes out to you -- but don't jump into anything or get bullied into anything before carefully considering all the options. If taking some meals over every couple of weeks is all they need for now, do just that.

Alice
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