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My Mother is 78. She went for laproscopic surgery to correct hernia and bring her stomach down. The procedure went well, but she wasn't able to breath and now she is in the processive care unit doing well. I hope she will be transfered to a room. My brother lives in Florida and talks to me daily. He feels that I should stay a hour since she doesn't feel well. I go everyday at 8:30 and stay until 5or 6:00. My childred are grown and not home I come everyday tired. not really motivated to cook so I pick up for myself food. I'ts sad I'm doing this all alone. I feel like everyone has a life but me. I've been taking care of my Mother since 2002 when she had serious car addident The doctors look to me and I receite her medical history and who are her doctors. My children are 23 and 20 and sometimes they feel I put my Mother over them which I have. I' so overwhelmed and alone I know everyone tells me that I'm doing a good job.

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Love it that brother isn't there but calls the shots. My brothers wouldn't dare tell me how to handle my Mom. One lives 7 hrs away and hasn't seen Mom since Nov the other 25 min away and hasn't seen Mom in a year. I know no one who can do what you are long-term. I think an hour or two at the most. All day is a little much. Even though ur children are grown they want to see more of you.
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I know it's hard to be the one stepping up and then others complaining. It sounds like brother is trying to tell you not to sit there all day. To just stay an hour. Why not listen to them?
Take a break while mom is being cared for. Maybe make dinner for your kids one night or ask them to meet you out somewhere. Surprise them with a visit.
Or just go window shopping or do something nice for yourself.
I hope your mom continues to improve and that you get a little break from the stress.
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Hi Joan,

Just joined the site. I too care for mother at home. She is 82 has
Dementia, she as is on oxygen 24 hours. I find it harder when she
is in the hospital. I have two siblings in the area, neither drive so
it's still all on me. She always takes a good week or more to rally
once she's home. Was in again beginning of February and is just now
coming around. It's HELL!!!! Sounds like you could use a friend too!
When is was in the emergency room last time, there was an elderly
man yelling "Save the caregivers". I went and spoke to him, he had
taken care of his wife of 50 years for 8 years with alzheimer's.
He just looked at me and said no one knows unless they have been
there. How true!!!! I don't know about you but I could use a laugh!
Hope to talk to someone who can hold a conversation!!
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Hi Joan,
Sorry about your Mom - I hope she is doing better today. Just remember that we do everything we can for our loved ones, just sometimes one does become more important for a while, when they have a serious problem happening. I think you need to follow your heart as to how long you stay and visit your Mom. You must remember, though, to take care of yourself and take some time for yourself. If you are totally drained, it's not good for you. You don't want to wear yourself down or you won't be able to help your Mom when she comes home from the hospital. Hang in there - you're not alone.
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