My mother is mentally & physically wearing out. I have My brother and I don’t agree on how we want to care for our mother. I have her best interest at heart and my brother is controlling. What can I do to make sure she gets the care she needs?

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You can only do your best and if your brother values you he will meet you partway and if he doesn't there is not much you can do you are doing what needs to be done for your Mom and can not control what happens with him it will be his loss my mother does not like my kids or grandchildren but loves her other grandchildren but I feel it is her loss. It is very important to have a right relationship with God for our future after death and not get too carried away with how our siblings feel or act.
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I agree with the other comments, but I wish to pass along a bit a of advice given to me by both my minister and my lawyer: As you decide what is best for your mother it is also important to think about the "Thanksgiving Table Issue." Your relationship with your brother will continue, good or bad, following your mother's passing. It is important to think about how your present actions will impact family interactions later on so you can work toward what will meet your needs best, in the future.

If your social circle doesn't include your brother now and you wouldn't want him to be an uncle to your children, etc. then do what you need to do -- for you.

If it is important to you to build a better relationship and have him a part of future special occasions in your life, then look for ways to resolve the conflicts now. Perhaps some kind of counseling or maybe both of you could sit down and have a discussion with a relative, friend or other party not so closely involved.

I have one brother and two sisters. The brother and sister who live out of state don't have as big of a vote as my sister who is here working to take care of my mother, when I, as medical POA, make decisions. Some times the only vote that is important is mom's, through her Living Will.

Often, we care so much, our focus is totally on the life and needs of the person we care for. Part of taking care of ourselves, is to remember that, no matter what, someday that relationship will end and our life will still go on. It was kind of a shock to me, the first time I heard that, because I am constantly considering what is in my mom's best interest. I must start planning for, and when I can, living a life where my hours are not filled with mom's needs.

I hope you and your brother can workout some kind of compromise, so that, in the end, you can look at each other and say "We did the best we could do, for her."
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If you already have durable and medical POA, then act on it despite your brother. If you don't, mami's already said what to do. So make it so and I wish you well in this endevor.
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Get power of attorney for her medical and financials as soon as possible. If you are doing all the care giving, you need this to make decisions on your mother's behalf. Good luck.
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