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She came up with the notion that two identical babies were born at the same time at the hospital; that two kids graduated at the same time at my high school; and so on. She often speaks to me about "my son Douglas" in the third person when talking to me and demands that I tell her where he is. I am now 68 years old (she's 88) and my hair is going gray, and my neck is starting to show signs of age. We live in the same place; we depend on each other. She can get very angry if I deny this notion, or if I insist that she show proof for her assertion--I could show her medical records and such, or even point out that the FBI has my fingerprints (I used to work for the post office). And this comes and goes--she will introduce me as her son Douglas to people we meet in public. I have given serious consideration to arranging conservatorship although I do not have the financial wherewithal for it.

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Dougie, I agree with Sue. I think you need to get some expert help to make sure your interests are taken into account. Please keep us updated.
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Dougie,
As I understand your situation, you live with your Mom and you are her caregiver, right?
If you are her caregiver, why would the social worker contact APS on your Mom's behalf?
Do they think you are not doing an adequate job caring for her?
Do you have POA for her?

Are you thinking that, because she owns the house, you would have to sell it to pay for her nursing home/memory care before Medi-Cal would kick in?

I would talk to someone at your city's Senior Center for a referral to a low cost elder law attorney. I would think they can't override your POA by placing her in a facility without just cause.
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More recently Mom's doctor's office had assigned a social worker to her case. The social worker has apparently contacted Adult Protective Services (this is in Los Angeles County). To make a long story short, I sense that the APS respresentative is talking about having my mother put in a nursing home--and I would wind up out on the street.
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With the neuropsychologist soon to issue a Mental Capacity Declaration on my mother, I would like to know what legal force it has--I have already discussed the matter with an officer at her bank, and I would like to know where else it applies--other than, presumably, conservatorship proceedings. (We live in California.)
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I'm glad things are finally falling into place for you Dougie - it has been a long road for you.

Hopefully things will start to get better.

Huggers,
linda
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Oh good, Doogie. Finally, something's going right.
It is such a relief when things finally fall into place and you can keep everything in order.

It's a long, hard road to get what you need.
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The neuropsychologist has finished his examination of my mother and later this month he will have the Mental Capacity Declaration I had requested. I am considering going to the legal agency I had contacted because they had told me they could assist me in the conservatorship issue in every aspect but financial--and an official at her bank told me that if I present this declaration I can have authorization to handle payments from her account.
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For the last several years I have been a pollworker, meaning I have been a clerk, and more recently an inspector, in elections in a polling place where we live (Gardena) in Los Angeles County. A few years ago when the work was over I came home about 9:30, the usual time. She was furious with me because, she said, she did not know where I was all day, but I thought I had told her. And when I am an inspector I have election equipment (including the ballot box and recorder) stored in the living room. This Tuesday I came home just after lunch, to let her know I was working, and I told her I'd be home about 9:30. She now knew, and when I did come home that night she seemed okay.
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I took her to the neuropsychologist to complete the evaluation he had to finish early last time because she complained about the cold in his office. And if that wasn't bad enough, we missed the next appointment. So we finally finished the matter today (she was dressed warmly), but the doctor said he needs one more appointment before he can give me his evaluation. One more appointment. I am on tenterhooks.
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Also during the day when she has been with me a long time, later she will ask where her Mom went or a worker in our store. It is always me she is talking about. So I looked up capgrass like Jeannie said. Hum...I think I'm seeing many things that are familiar there.
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The purse, wedding ring, gold cross necklace...lost every day. My Mom would hide them. Found in closet, safety pinned on a coat hanger put in sugar bowl etc. This is a horrible stage. Always saying someone took them to jewelry store or something. We are finally moving on from this stage but it stinking lasted about 2 years. Now yesterday her wedding ring and watch were gone again. Sigh. This is so hard. Bless you!
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Ah, poor lady! Obviously lashing out at you for a minor thing like happening to pull out the wrong card wasn't necessary.
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Every now and then we go to a local restaurant that gives a discount to AARP members. We were there for dinner this evening. I wanted her to used her bank debit card, because she happens to be low on cash. She handed the AARP card to the cashier along with the bill. Apparently she thought it was the debit card (they are the same color), but wren I pointed to the debit card in her wallet she angrily pulled her wallet away. She very nearly walked out of the restaurant without paying. She wound up paying with cash. And she was wearing reading glasses so I doubt she could not tell the difference....she does suffer from dementia.
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I would like you to give me examples of specific videos, so I need not hunt through the whole series...
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Dougie, have you read about "sundowning"? In some dementia patients, paranoid and delusional thoughts are limited to a particular time of day.

Have you watched any of those Teepa Snow videos we've been telling you about?
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I had thought the episodes with my mother accusing me of taking her purse were pretty much over. But late this afternoon she accused me again. I found it, with her standing nearby; practically under her breath she called me "thief." About 15 minutes later she came back to my room and accused me again! I went back to the living room; there it was, near her chair. I think either her short-term memory is becoming worse, or the fact that she and I happened to see each other hardly at all today may account for this. At any rate, her suspicious mood is fading...
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My dad has dementia and lived with my mom until last year. He came up with the notion that there were two "Marys" - an old one and a new one (or sometimes a big one and a small one). I think it was because my mom was verbally abusive to him, and that was a way for him to reconcile in his brain that his wife was being so mean to him. At times there were three and they were a "cult" of some sort, in his mind. We moved him into a memory care facility and he's clearly declining but his clarity toward my mother has improved and he no longer speaks of two or three Mary's (even though she is still very mean to him - now he is only exposed to her in short visits because she hates visiting him).
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Hmm, that is not great that you haven't heard back. I would call again, during business hours. It must be an oversight. Happens sometimes in offices, unfortunately. Hope you can get some info from him or her, and let us know what you find out.
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The psychiatrist had originally prescribed Quietapine, 25 mg. daily. Along with 7.5 mg. Mirtazapine. He has since upped the Quietapine to 75 mg.--3 tablets per day. She has been taking that for 3 weeks--no argument. I left word for him about her outburst but no reply.
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Dougie - I hate to suggest this but your mother most likely needs to be put on some medication. My DH was put on Zolft, 1/2 pill, and it worked wonders.

Whatever the doctor decides, it does sound like your mother needs a little medicinal assistance.
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My mother is like this - she said yesterday ' oh, you know - that young girl that was here this morning.' Well, that was me.
Hey I'm middle aged, so I'll take being called a young girl!
I think my mother has Lewy Body but we cannot find anyone who wants to take the time to find out. It's really frustrating when you live in a small town and can't get a real diagnosis. I think that some of the medicine that doctors give might be the very worse thing a person could take if they have this type of dementia.
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My Mom got to the brink of serious violence recently...she was talking nonsense about where to put her feet in bed. This was around 11 p.m. Since I did not--could not--give her an answer that suited her, she put on her bathrobe and shoes, and picked up her cane and purse and decided to go outside to get an answer.
I was worried she might go out into the street and I blocked her access to the front door--a glass sliding door. She got angry and acted like she was going to smash the door with her cane! I took the cane from her and put it on top of a tall bookcase where she couldn't get it, or even see it. I left a message for the psychiatrist about this--several days ago--and have had no answer.
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The solution to that is to unplug the microwave when not in use. I unplug the toaster oven and the microwave every night. It won't hurt your oven. If you have it into a power strip, just turn off the strip.

Fighting with someone with dementia is like banging your head against the wall. I think banging your head against the wall would accomplish more sometimes.

No matter how many times I tell my DH that we own this house and it's been our home for 30 years, and we live alone - he is sure people are wandering through it all the time. And he still believes there are 3 of me, lol. It makes me crazy but I know he can't help it.

Maybe a lot of your trouble stems from the fact you are the son to the mother.

Ooh ooh - tell her the other Dougie pays the electric bill?

Hang in there sugar, it sure is a bumpy ride some days.

Huggers,
linda
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Thanks...
This last week, she got the notion that the time display on the microwave oven is really a cooking time for something that will cost her a whopping electric bill. And she thinks the appliance has no power cord, despite the large black cord attached at the back of the appliance at one end and plugged into a heavy-duty extension at the other end. The extension is itself plugged into a power strip, plugged into the wall outlet. She said that is not a power cord and she could cut it! I said, "If you do you'll be shaking hands with Jesus." She said, "I don't care."
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Aw, Dougie, sorry you are going through this. I'm glad she has you in her life.
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I guess we got to the point today where something had to give. Something did. She was grilling me again about the tax forms (her copy), even though the returns have already been filed. She got so angry at one point she struck me in the face--which she hasn't done since I was a teenager, more than 40 years ago. A little later she was remorseful and crying. I approached her and offered an embrace; she said she was sorry and accepted the gesture..
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Would it help you to know, my DH of 33 years thinks he has 3 wives and we're all named Linda?

If I ever get my hands on the other 2 wives named Linda, I will throttle them soundly - the lazy bums don't lift a finger to help out, hahahahahahah.

The rest of the time I am "somebody" as in, "can somebody help me?" We live alone here and have always lived alone for the full 30 years we owned this home.

I know it's difficult for you - try not to take it personally. I refused to go on Zoloft or Prozac - but recently I discovered an herb called Ashwagandha and it is really helping me to stay calm and to get a restful night's sleep, even though DH gets me up every 2 hours to help him void.

I'm praying for your sanity - I pray for mine all the time.

Huggers,
Linda
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I wonder whether she is getting worse...last night she asked me to "feel the warmth" in the bathroom, a perfectly normal thing in the smallest room here. And she asked about bottles under the sink--toilet bowl cleaner, hair conditioner, etc. When she started to question me intensely about this "clone" I supposedly have, I became disgusted and left the room. She did not persist.
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Hmmmm...that might mollify her...thanks for the suggestion.
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Dougie, have you watched Teepa Snow?

Mom's reality is that she's not at home. Say "yes mom, we'll go back home in a few weeks when the new plumbing is finished". Or the roof. Or the new flooring.
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