How can I move my 91 yr.old mother to a nursing home without a legal battle with my brother. He took her to get power of attorney.


She did not know what she was signing and he did this to keep her out of a nursing home. Other siblings take her food, try to see her each day but she is becoming more and more unsafe to be left alone. She has already broken a hip once. She is halucinading at night and wont take her meds. He won't stay with her or take a turn in caregiving. She requires 24 hour care for bathing, eating, meds, dressing and keeping her from falling again. We had to turn off the microwave, stove, and other dangerous items in the home. She sits right beside the phone but cannot hear it if someome calls to check on her. My brother with the power of attorney wants to do what ever she says. He states there is nothing wrong with her. How do we get her help now?

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I'm going through just the opposite with my mother. My sil and brother are trying to get her out of her house. She is still able to take showers, feed herself, go to the bathroom on her on. She has a neighbor that looks in on her 3-4x a day and gives her meds every day. I now have medical poa over her. She is middle stage of dementia. She has good days and some bad days. She has been taking Aricept for 4 mos. Now has leveled out some w/ her meds. Sil has been trying to get her to stop Aricept, because she thinks it is too expensive and doesn't seem to be working. I have different opinion on that.
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The POA is not valid if she has been officially declared with "diminished capacity." But more importantly, all the sibs need to be on the same page. Can you all get together and appoint an independent facilitator who can evaluate her? In the meantime, hire in-home help until you can get a more permanent placement for her.
Her safety should be the most important goal for everyone right now. Is there a reason the bro thinks she is okay on her own? Some people have a very emotional reaction to nursing homes - but sometimes it is the safest placement for elders who can no longer care for themselves. He may be projecting his fears or seeing her as she was years ago.
The other alternative, is she can afford it, is 24 nursing care in her home. This takes a lot of organization and supervision.
Please let us know how things worked out.
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