Would moving my mother to a nursing home closer to us after my dad's death make things worse?

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Would it give my mom a set-back to move her from the nursing home they were in together? Dad died two weeks ago,mom has alheimers She is 60 miles away. We went to see them everyday but this is unrealistic when we have a nice nursing home within 10 minutes of us. My sister thinks we should leave her alone even though we know no one in that town. It was an "authority kick" was the only reason they ever were placed there. Now my sister thinks we would set her back to move her close to us.Being practical, no one can keep driving that far everyday especially back roads and no phone service. Would moving her really "shut her down" or can an alheimers patient adjust. She really does not concept dad has died even though we told her. Her mind just keeps wandering where he is. Are we making things worse to move her closer? Very Concerned!

Answers 1 to 6 of 6
dln: your question really has many parts that need answering.

First, I think that you and your sister (and any other siblings) should be making this decision jointly. Does your sister live in the same town as you? If not, are you willing to take on the responsibility for her care fulltime? (not sure what an "authority kick" is...but your sister should not be making these important decisions for you.)

From your note, it sounds like you have a good alternative home for her nearby. From the little I know about Alz. I do not think that she would be adversely affected. Everyone, regardless of age, has to take some time to adjust to new surroundings.

good luck

Top Answer
so sorry for your pain. my mom too has alzheimers brought on by i believe anesthesia - she was fine at the hospital and the next day i went to see her she could not remember anythng ( isoflurane may be the culprit) , My mom wanted to die in her home- my brother who never left home and never had any kids had been living with her ( he is 45). She wanted him to have the home after she got out of the hospital forgetting that he has been mooching off her his whole life( there was almost half a million dollars equity- he has refinanced 4 times - no money left) - well my mom was always crying and refused to leave- i recently got laid off and moved her in . I was also afraid it would make her worse and she would not be able to bring her cat - husband allergic- I was told if moved she would get worse- well thanks to the loss of memeory due to alzheimers ( only for this reason) she forgot about the cat and the house! So if your mom asks about her husband tell her he truth and that you want to move her closer- your right 60 miles is to far - my mom lived 86 miles away - and when i was driving her to my house she said - my gosh how far do you live- lol! I said see thats why I didint come to see you too often - its such a long drive- Mom is doing so much better- she asks do you have a bed her for me ? I say yes- we have a bedroom for you - she says what? I remind her that she wanted to move in cuz jr. -her son- was too grumpy and she says oh ya! he was... he came and saw her last week but she cant remember- he has had her soc. sec. check automatically deposited into her account and was supposed to write me a check but he kept it so now i have to switch it somehow - Good luck!
My Mom had a hard time adjusting from a simple move at the NH/ she was moved from one wing to another.
It's been about a month now and things have improved, I'm sure your Mom would be ok if you move her, it just takes a bit of time--good luck
I always think it is important to have your loved ones as close to you as possible so you can go in often to see how things are going and when anyone is in a nursing home they get get sick very easily and be sent to a hospital and sooner or later you are going to get a call that he or she are being admitted to a hospital and I know from experience trying to find an unfamiliar hospital late at night while being worried sick is not something you want to have to do.

If she wasn't aware her husband was gone until you told her, is the change in nursing homes going to make a difference? When you're dealing with someone whose memories are eroding and who is becoming detached from what's happening all around him/her what was familiar on Tuesday is probably unrecognizable a few days later.

Since you're the closest to her, go ahead and move her dear. But make sure you visit regularly to make the transition a little smoother; and so she can continue to have, in you, a constant point of reference.

My heart, and my thoughts, will be with you. Let us know what happens.

-- ED
dear din, i see it's been years and wonder how your mother did with the change....i am in the same boat today.....i wish to move mom closer...my brother is irrate...says it will kill her....she has middle stage alzeimers......he never visited before and now since he has started attending a church, he visits her once a week.....i am poa and want her near me. she is 88. she is lonely....no one goes to see her.....i live 4 hrs away and it breaks my heart when i see her and have to leave.

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