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My Father is 92 and my Mom is 89. My mother is using a walked because of her knee surgery. Also she fell. All there 5 children live within 6 miles of Mom and Dad. 4 daughter, 14 to 16 months apart in age. and the youngest is a brother. It works out really good. We are on a schedule with a caregiver coming in 3 days a week for 2 hours. My Sisters and I really get along with the caregiver. We pitch in and give her big bonus for holidays...She is a blessing to my Mom. My Dad is stubborn and it's hard for him to accept the help but he know it helps my Mom. It is hard work and if the family does not stick together it will not work My parents are blessed with there 5 children. All 5 of there children live within 6 miles apart from my Mom and Dad. You have to have allot of support. My parents are bless with there children. I always tell people, my parents gave us a good life, it our turn, to pay them them back for the wonderful life they gave us...My parents didn't have alot of money and my father worked 2 jobs to keep the family going....
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I'm guessing they are already going downhill or you wouldn't be trying to move them closer to family. I tried to get my Mother to move closer to me or move in with me, but it took a stroke to convince her she could no longer live alone. I often wonder if she had been living with me or close to me if she would even have had the stroke, She wasn't taking her meds, eating right or getting consistent or adequate health care. She lives like a princess now at my house, but I miss the mother I knew before the stroke stole pieces of her mind and body.

Can you get her assistance to make sure she is being well cared for?
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Spanky, you have asked a question which kind of gets to the root of what many adult children , who love their parents, are grappling with. We need to take care of the needs of our aging parents, but we also need to be mindful of our own legitimate needs for operating health. Adult children do need to take adequate care of themselves, because it has been shown that their own health will begin to suffer and they also will start to decline in strength if they don't, and we need to be there for our parents, in good health ourselves. There is a book by Leeza Gibbons called "Take Your Oxygen First". Just like they tell us on the airplane, Leeza is saying this reminder applies to us too, as caretakers of our elders.

As far as whether the elderly parent will thrive in a senior community, it seems that every case is different. In the case of my own parents, they resisted moving out of their home also (in order to move into assisted living)..... but they had both had falls in the home, and my mother was on 24- hour a day oxygen, and they both had serious medical conditions. My husband and I had to make a judgment call and we eventually convinced them to move. They both thrived in their new environment, and my mother thanked me in front of her brother days before she died for having persuaded them to move to assisted living. She said she was at peace knowing that her husband would be well taken care of once she passed on.

Should a parent start to go downhill right after he/she moves into assisted living /nursing home, you never know.....It may be that you got that parent in there just in the nick of time.....that your instincts were correct. You could see that they were getting so weak it was past time to get them to move into the senior facility. On the other hand, yes, it's possible that the parent might become unhappy once he/she got into the facility. There are little things we can do to keep our parents' spirits up once they move into the new community. Like making sure we visit and call enough to give them the attention and love they need, and that we need to exchange with them to receive their love too. I just think that guilt is such a destructive emotion when adult children are doing their level best to do right by their parents. It is my feeling that if the adult child is even involving herself with the setting up of proper care for her parents, that is indication enough that that child is lovingly caring for her parents and being faithful to them.

For your case, I would recommend praying to God for wisdom and guidance. And to listen closely to your heart and intuition. No one loves your parent like you do, and I personally believe that each one of us is in the best position to know what is the right and best thing to do for Mom and Dad. I also believe that it is not anyone else's position to judge us for our decisions. Observers aren't in our shoes, with our perspective, and our experiences "on the front lines." We have been handed this responsibility to care for our elderly parents by God. We are entrusted with this duty---this is my belief. We are called to be faithful to our parents and do the best we can to set up whatever care will work out best for Mom and Dad in our family's situation. Spanky, I'm sure you will come to the right decision for your parent(s).
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It depends on what the parent wants,the elderly are people too,My dad would have rather been dead than move,I had a aunt who thrived for about 30 years in a living facility,loved every minute of it,it was more of a resort for the old,tons of activities.When a kid bullies the parent for the good of their own selfish needs,because it makes it easier on the kids with no regard for the parent-wheres'the respect-of course they go down hill then-I know I would just remember[HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER] They'll be good,so will you.
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My mom is 86. She does not want to leave her home. One of my brothers wants her to move from florida to wisconsin because she has family there and will be closer to us also. My dad died about 10 years ago and we have tried to talk her into moving back home since then. recently she has had minor health problems, but she fell and fractured her hip and is getting physical therapy. I told her that if she really and truly did not want to move that I would come to florida and stay with her. Now my brother thinks that I should not have told her that.
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depends how the elderly patient take it for better or for worse. sometimes will help giving the patient some kind of responsability for him/her to do if for you. (example my friend's mom is living at an assisted living facility and her responsability is to wake her daughter up at 5 am everyday, so she feel useful/not useless). allow your patient to have a home attendant at home, so she won't feel that she is totally dependable on you, she will continue having her own lifestyle,
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