msdaizy Asked December 2012

Agitation after all the excitement of Christmas? Anyone else experience this?

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She was so sweet and quiet during most of the Christmas eve activities...she was surprised that she had a stack of gifts in front of her. She says with surprise, " Are all these for me?" and after she opened them all she said "Thank you!" I really think she was enjoying herself. The kids were excited and she watched them open their gifts. But after a bit she wanted to go lay down. So after a couple hours of a nap..she wakes up...yelling at us "oh shut up will you!" She must have said this about 6 times...I finally said to her "Mom stop that its really rude to tell people to shut up!" She was quiet after that. But this is not the way my mom would ever act. So I know its part of the dementia. So I was wondering if any of you have similar experiences after a big event such as, Christmas?

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sumlerc Dec 2012
Last yr as in in previous yrs, we made a big deal celebrating my Mom's Bday and Mom and Dad's Anniversary on the 23rd of Dec. Christmas morning I get a phone call from the Nursing Home that Mom's blood pressure was very low and she was unresponsive. Guess where Mom and I spent Christmas Day?? in the E.R. Mind you, while in the ambulance, Mom became chatty with the medical attendants, very concious in the E.R. and only complained of her usual leg pains. They were going to release her Christmas Day but Mom insisted that they keep her over night for observation...they kept her 3 days and 3 long nights...sundowning kicked in pretty bad.

I say all this to say, this yr very little was mentioned about Mom's bday, their Anniversary and Christmas Day tho we did acknowledege those days. It was kind of sad because my Mom has always made this time of yr a big deal, this yr she could hardly care less and I followed her lead. No worries, no anxiety, no complaints, NO E.R. visits.

Once I learned to just go with the flow...the days flow easier. It's different for sure but it is what it is.
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GracieFox40 Dec 2012
My Mother and Father in law were very negative regarding Christmas . They refused to go to a family celebration on the 23rd and on the 24th family visited them . Christmas day came and it snowed so no one was able to get out and they complained they had no family or friends and what a miserable Christmas it was .. The negative attitude is hard to be around and it is always a gamble to know what kind words will set them off. HELP
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luke1234 Dec 2012
Yes, I understand but have no solutions as to how to deal with this. My mother-in-law did the similar things and that is not her personality. She got so upset, she got a "nervous" stomach and had to have her diaper changed several times. I think that it was just too much for her. She has been especially weaker, both physically and mentally, since. I am hoping she gets back some of her moments of being lucid soon.
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bookworm Dec 2012
When mom was going thru this stage, it was always with all gatherings that involved lots of people and Noise. She would have this confused look if too many people were talking to her and if talking too fast. But, she would get visibly agitated and angry if the noise level was high - like the TV is blaring, and everyone is trying to talk louder than the TV and laughing and jovial arguing. And the kids - as long as they were calm - mom had no problems with them. But, have a kid cry and scream their heads off - she got agitated. Same if the kids were too active, excitable. We all took it in our stride and just have to remind ourselves to lower our voices. At this stage, mom could no longer talk. So, we learned her moods thru body language. Even had my 4yr old niece (visiting from the states) learn how to dodge mom's hands. Mom grabbed her, and squeezed her arm so hard. I had to use both of my hands to peel off mom's one hand. After I released her, I gently explained to niece how we played "IT" today? Well, with grandma, you have to watch her hand and make sure she doesn't grab you. And it worked. That girl would walk calmly past mom and when mom's hand would dart out to grab her, niece just calmly dodged it as if it was nothing. I tell you, kids are very fast learners. I wonder how many of your kids and grandkids have learned from your parents' cussings??? =)
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Wellington Dec 2012
My mother-in-law waited until today to fall apart. It was my 27 year old son who put things in perspective. He reminded me that one can't rationalize with someone who has dementia but to attempt to soothe then walk away. Don't allow yourself to be sucked into the unhappiness.
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abby33 Dec 2012
My mom stayed with me from Christmas Eve until the day after Christmas. She was fine until all the family came on Wednesday. She was very quiet. We opened gifts and everything seemed fine. Then, she told my brother he was going to take her home (meaning her real home, not the ALF). When he told her wouldn't take her home, she became angry, hostile and verbally abusive. It pretty much put a damper on the day for my brother and me.
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chimonger Dec 2012
Gma had loved gifting to others all her life.
As she aged, and dementia set in, it was increasingly hard for her to handle the reversal in that dynamic.
She devolved into looking for something she could get by the case and give each person the same thing--like jam, etc.
Then she finally just gave up on trying to gift, or even do cards.
She finally had a hard time participating in family gatherings...my folk's house was a tri-level; the only bathrooms were on the second level--difficult to manage getting to it from the main living area, too.
She gradually just kept to her room, with it's on-suite bathroom in easier range, as well as the quiet.
Mom, OTH, gave up doing presents long ago, unless she found some special item; gave up trying to make the date deadlines for holidays though....
Mostly, makes collages, if/when she feels guilty about something, or wants to guilt someone else, veiled in "sweetness and light".
She's gotten more complicated over the years, but there is still some bits of her better self in there somewhere.
She usually never came out of her room much; at holidays, it got harder and harder to get her to come out, even to sit with us at the table.
We started taking dinners to her, but she usually chose to eat whatever she wanted from the food she stashed in her room.
She isolated herself extremely, and tried very hard to make it someone else's fault--that was her brain injuries, mental / dementia issues talking--because she used to be ALL about doing Christmas and holidays, making them special for kids.
==Quiet, routine, "safe zone" of familiarity, make getting thru holidays easier, for those with dementias and other ills that affect behaviors & ability to understand.
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1500miles Dec 2012
My Dad just kind of ignored the whole thing and slept through most of Christmas day, except when we went across the street to the neighbors' house for dinner, which he managed ok. I think he'd rather forget about it, that the memories of Christmas past with my mother are too painful. They were married the day after Christms, 64 years ago, and she's been dead now for 8 years.
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My father-in-law can get quite agitated when there is loud music or loud and excited voices within earshot. I think Nancy7 had a good answer to this problem. She needs some quiet time and redirection. Also, I know that my father-in-law loves(d) me before the alzheimer dementia worsened over time. he can be very sweet and then turn around with his fist to tell me that I'm going to hell and that I'm an evil person. I know it's the disease. You really can't take it personally. He has 0.25 mg of xanax crushed into a little apple sauce if he gets combative. this helps to calm him, especially during the twilight hours (sundowning affect). He has a stronger sedative in liquid drop form if needed but so far he hasn't required it. Good Luck and remember to take care of yourself too.
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My mom is 82 with PD and dementia, after Christmas, she didn't want to go back to her apartment. She says she doesn't want to be with there with all those old women. No one else lives there. She seems more disoriented than ever, so we sped up the process of moving in with me and the family. I'm so anxious and afraid I won't be able to swing this,mi work full time and its shift work. She has a caregiver for 4 hours a day mon thru fri. Hopefully thr caregiver won't tire of driving to my house which is only 7 miles each way. I'm just really scared of it all.
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