Mother fell and I couldn't get her up because she's heavy. When something like this happens I feel anger and I hate it. How do I cope?

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As I was helping my Mother get from her wheelchair to the toilet she began to fall and I couldn't get her up because she's heavy. I tried to lift her back on to the wheelchair and/or toilet but I couldn't do it. I felt myself getting so angry and frustrated that she couldn't help me help her. I love her so because she's all I have but when something like this happens I feel anger and I hate it, I hate myself for feeling it and then the guilt.

After it was over I went to her room and apologized and she told me she knows I'm tired and to forget about it. I want her to know she's loved because she certainly never forgets to let me know that she loves me.

Answers 1 to 10 of 16
Bless your heart!!! I felt the same way in taking care of my mom, we are mad at ourselves not Mom. We just want to do everything perfect and make it as easy as we can for them, somtimes God puts a curve ball in there. Let it go, do not dwell it, you will eat yourself up, life is too short for that. You are so sweet to go and speak to your mother about it, and keep letting her know how you love her and are honored to take care of her, and that sometimes God puts a curve ball in there, then have a laugh. Mom and I used to have some of the best talks in the bathroom, not sure why, but we did.
Happy Holidays,
Blessings,
Bridget
Welcome to being human! It's impossible to be perfect and not allow anger to show. Your mom realizes you're a real person, and not a robot. As Bridget said; the best thing is that you talked with her later, about it.
How heavy is she?
Some changes in her diet may help you out and be better for her.
Can you get some part time caregiver help?
Some chair sitting strengthing exercises each day really helps at any age. Look online or have her doctor give you some exercise papers.
Better to do these two things than for her to get hurt and then you suffer from guilt or hate.
. A person being heavy is not your doing. Any person who cannot support themselves is difficult and heavy.
Sounds like you have a wonderful mom and glad you care so much about her.
The anger is like someone inside you saying "I wish this were different." If someone else outside you said that, you'd say "I know, I understand." Can you speak that way to the part of you that's angry?
Completely understandable, Fran. I have felt the same way. We are human! You are sweet to care about your mother so much.
u are doing better than u think.
we all feel that frustration,anger,and hate-its a terrible disease..
let yourself feel,let it out,
dont let it build up inside-
and then u talk with her,reassure her ,
sounds like its a new way of feeling- but u r doing it well-
u are good and loving, and human.
can u get some help-with caring for your mom?
its so much for one person- this is a great place to get info
and understanding.
forgive yourself-u are a blessing!!!
Fran-Good reply's from the others, Jut realize that you did your very best-as your Mom probably has...and move on from there. Whatever you do-Don't play the blame game-or feel guilty, as you at least made an attempt.
Have a peaceful TODAY!
Hap
AS A FORMER NURSING ASSISTANT I WAS TAUGHT TO EASE THE PERSON THAT WAS FALLING BY LETTING THEM "SLIDE" CLOSE TO ME AND BY MY LEG. I THEN GRABBED ANYTHING SOFT , PILLOW,OR WHATEVER WAS IN THE WHEEL CHAIR AND PROPPED IT AROUND OR BESIDE THEM SO THEY WOULD BE COMFORTABLE UNTIL I COULD HELP THEM GET UP..
Fran, I understand the getting mad. Part of you HAS to be frustrated at your mother for letting herself get so big, therefore maybe that's where the 'mad' part is coming in. Because now her weight is affecting you and what you want to do. I think once you identify the 'why' you're angry, then you can put it aside. Let's face it, it is what it is, now you need to make other arrangements how to handle the extra girth she's put on. After all, she's still your mother, you still love her to death right? It all comes with the territory when we love people. We put up with, accept and deal with the crud that comes our way as a result of loving them. Of course I myself am 'perfect' you know. Just don't tell my husband that. ha.
The times when I get angry are usually when mom starts leaning back and I have to hold her up and it strains my neck and my back. sounds selfish, but I don't want to throw my back out of whack. I guess it's only human.

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