My husband and I made the big move, sold our house, renovated my parents basement and moved in recently with them. My mother had gone through cancer and chemo therapy, my dad has some health issues.
The main problem is my mother arguing constantly with my dad. She accuses my father of putting her down in front of people and us, that he can never say a good thing to her, always nitpicks on every little thing she does (wrong). That he doesn't communicate with her, that he keeps everything to himself.
She is crying all the time, wants to move out, says she can't take this mental abuse anymore. This has been going on for almost as long as I can remember, except the last few years its gotten worse.
When I told her I would help her find a place to live if she is that distraught, she says good, but then goes on and on...if only my dad would be good to her, then she could live longer and be happy. I also gently tried to suggest that a professional therapist may help her deal with the issues she has with my dad and her anger with him, but she said no. She insists he has to change, and if she moves out, her problems will disappear.
She also has a hearing problem, which means we all have to repeat everything two or three times and speak louder. We have been trying to convince her to get a hearing aid, but she is resistant to the idea.
She feels that my husband and I are not supportive enough and don't understand her and that we don't stand up to my Dad and rebuke him when she feels he has said something that upsets her.
My dad is not going to change, and yes, at times, his method of talking to her (or anyone else) is sometimes not the most diplomatic. (Think of an Archie Bunker type but old school European Slav). My dad does panic at times and gets a bit worked up over small issues but I usually don't have a problem dealing with him. He has a hard time articulating what he means when he is worked up, but if I listen carefully and let him talk and understand what he's saying then he calms down and he's okay. My mother's way of dealing with him to harangue non-stop so he gets even more worked up. She doesn't know how to listen and interrupts and talks very loudly.
Does anyone have suggestions or ideas on how I can handle this situation.