Mom's mad because I suggested she and dad go to a rehab hosptial. It's breaking dad's heart.

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I live 14 hours away from my parents. I am one of 3 kids but the only one that has been part of mom and dads lifex. Dad recently ended up in the hospital and because of surgery on his foot (he has a muscular dystrophy type disorder where he has no muscle strenghth ) my mom and dad decideded to go to a rehab hospital after he was discharged. I thought it a great idea and told mom. She took it wrong and has blown things out of the atmoshpher (litteraly blown everything I say, said or try to say is misconstrued as slamiming her as a bad person) which is not in any way it was ment. Now she is festering and it is causing major heart ache on my father who is trying to recoup apparently by himself at this facility. I tried talking with my dad who begs me to calll my mom and my mom doesnt want to have anything to do with me. WHAT DO I DO???????

Answers 1 to 2 of 2
Oh my gosh, mc1wms, I am so sorry, first, to hear about your father's physical ailments. He must feel so terribly dependent and frustrated at his lack of easy mobility and the mental stress, as well. Unfortunately, my mom would and has reacted in the exact same way in the past toward me. Has your mom outlined to you exactly what it was that you said or did not say that supposedly upset/insulted her? My mom has made up completely outlandish claims about what my intentions are or my statements have meant. Always, of course, her perceptions are the polar opposite of my good intentions. I know what my mom would think about me in a situation like yours: either I should be the one caring for my father's needs so that he doesn't have to pay for someone else to care for him, or that she thinks I am implying that she is not a competent caregiver and therefore he belongs someplace else. She would also be upset that no one was around to keep her company while alone in her house. My mom has many times in the past refused to talk to me for months on end for completely illegitimate reasons. My father couldn't do anything about it. Sometimes my sister would try and reason with her, but it rarely worked. If you know for sure what she thinks is "wrong" that you did, have you considered writing her a detailed letter explaining how you really feel and what your true intentions were and are? Unfortunately, a letter and/or a sibling's help are the only two things I can suggest as possibilities. Best of luck to you. I am sorry, once again.
Hi mc1wms, do you think it is because she wanted you to offer to bring him to your home? Did she run that by you as an option, and you picked rehab? If she is being UNusually UNreasonable, maybe she is overwhelmed and frightened? Perhaps an explanation of the trained professionals to assist him in convalescing might soften her up. Pretty hard on your Dad for him to have to worry about your relationship, and pretty selfish on her part if this is her standard MO. I would beseech siblings to step in and try to persuade her to show a united front to your Dad. I hope he is feeling better:) Hugs

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