My mom wants to sit next while I'm driving, but she won’t bathe and smells like urine. How tell her she can’t sit next to me until she bathes?

Sounds like you have two different problems. If I'm understanding you, your mother wants to ride shotgun and have either you or your husband ride in the back seat? Tell her that when your dad was around, you never expected to ride up front, that was his place. So the same is with your husband now. His place is in the front seat with you, just like when she and your dad were up front in their car. As for the pee, does she wear adult diapers? If not, then maybe it's time to invest in them.

Yes shes wears diapers ,and when she doesnt get her way she steady wears them , or craps in them doesnt want to bath. i sure dont know what to do ,its so depressing because she wants to go with me every where and everyday makes us pure sick. sometimes we can get her to bathe.. we are all living in the same house which is another stress on us till we can get on our feet,because we moved up here together to protect her from them people in another state. we have some money but not enough.

alzheimers? age? need more info.....how long wih you-can she talk? my mom totally chanages around kids, babies etc. and americas funniest videos -laffs and laffs- she has alzhemiers/dementia/cant talk, 79yrs old have had her here with me for 4 months. just started using depends-had 6 accidents-poop on the carpet -thought she would get mad but doesnt seem to mind-phew!protect her from what people- ???

I agree, we need more information. If she hasn't got any dementia./alz then you ought to be able to tell her she can't go anywhere until she doesn't stink. If she does have mental issues, then that's a whole different horse race.

KITTY:

When faced with this kind of brattish behavior, don't negotiate. Either she makes a habit of freshening up before stepping out the door or she doesn't go anywhere. And when you take her out, her place is in the back seat. Period. If she doesn't like it, tell her to get used to it.

The reason she keeps acting up is because there are no real consequences and/or the boundaries aren't enforced consistently.

I dont know how to discuss my mother wearing adult diapers with her .She lives with us now,she really cant afford living on her own and I'm tired of my furniture being wet and smelly.Shes in denial I guess because she will blame it on the dogs or the grand-babies but everyone in the house knows its her we've lived in the same house for 10 years and had the same dogs for six of those years...shes only been here since April and my house smells like a dirty nursing home WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?

you can buy a plastic padding walmart has them its next to adult diapers , my dad wears briefs and also i buy those plastic padding cuz he leaks thru those briefs and i do not want my chair to be ruined cuz u can not throw a chair in washer machine .
i always laid that down and set pa on his recliner , chair doesnt get wet . i also use that on his bed too . sometimes it leaks thr u and gets his sheets wet and sometimes not .
dont tell ur mom well heres ur diapers wear it ! i would not want my kids tell me that . i tell my dad heres ur new briefs and he s happy .
theres briefs for women or for men . depend is the kind my dad wears , theres other no name stuff but i dont like them cuz it leaks and it doesnt feel like its made right . the brief is like a pull up diaper . they wear them like underwear .
theyre not cheap either ....

kittycat37, It sounds as though she has dementia, my Mother in law has 'accidents' in her clothes and she says she doesn't know how her clothes got that way she must have sit on/in something because she didn't do it. I bought depends and hid all her underpants. She likes to go with me also but, she refuses to take a bath saying she just had one. I just tell her that she smells bad and I can't take her with me until she gets a bath. If she lets me help her get one, I'll take her with me and/or take her to get her hair done. If she refuses a bath and I need to go to the store I tell her I'll be back and leave without her. It doesn't change the fact that I can't get her to get a bath very often but I won't take her anywhere unless she does.

My 84 year old mother always resisted taking showers once she started using a walker. Maybe out of fear of falling. She started to have body odor and was not aware of it. ( As people age they cannot smell things like they used to.) Offer to help your mother shower or wash up regularly. My mother also complained she didn't want to get wet and cold. Keep the room warm and work quickly. Get a shower chair-one you can reach all places.
We also spoke with her doctor about an anti depressant. Hygiene is a big red flag with elderly depression. 30 mg of Cymbalta and my mother is a new person. It even helps some with her aches and pains.

I need your advise: my landlord is old lady and she seems have a problem with urinary incontinence on a daily basis; her clothes, house smells very bad. She is nice person and has no kids and I'm sorry for her. I want to help her but don't know how to tell that she smells.

i agree, tell her if she want to come along.. she bathes. end of discussion. Dad always askes 'why do I need a bath?'.. we tell him we all take one and he doesnt want to be a "smelly old man" It's worked so far.. a shower every other day! And tell her she sits in the back because it safer, or easier to get in and out.

My husband needed them for poop but refused to wear them. When he was sent to the nursing home for rehab they put him into Depends. So I immediately threw out all his stained underwear and got Depends for him to wear. And a Baby Diaper Genie. It is wonderful for containing smell. He never said word when I brought him home. He just put them on and things were much better. BUT ……he will wear the same pair for a week if I don't make him change. I have to stand there and watch to make sure he takes off the old one, which I promptly put in the diaper genie. I have to watch that he gets the Depends on correctly. He is liable to have both legs in one hole or have them on backwards. Then he puts on his pants. This morning he had on two pairs of trousers. I had to make him take off a pair. He gets his arm stuck in the head hole of the tee shirt. Oh the reason he had poop in the underwear is because he never wipes himself anymore. He doesn't remember how. What a mess. Just one of the problems of dementia. My worst fear. I am sure it is going to get much worse. I don't know how to tell a person except be straight forward. Be forceful and say this is the way it has to be.

We had another problem with bathing. He didn't remember to use a washcloth or soap. He thought if he was wet he was finished. Perhaps this is how your person is still smelly even after a shower. He just didn't know how to do it. Now I get in with him and we shower together. I have a two person shower. I guide him through the steps. Top to bottom. He has to follow my steps or he would be so stinky! If you have a regular tub, get a shower chair, and a hand held shower and use it instead of regular shower. All that water running on their head scares them. I hope I have posted some helpful ideas. Oh and keep the room really warm because Alz patients don't like to be cold. Who does when taking a shower?

just a note for the poop accident problem we have been giving my dad refrigerated probiotics there are specifically made for seniors and he hasn't had any poop accidents in the last 6 months

My ex-mother-in-law told me what works for her is a couple of tablespoons of white rice [not the instant rice] and that has calmed down her stomach, thus no more accidents. She is so happy to have found that as it is one less med to take :)

As for smells, I was just thinking backs almost 50 years how the older women use to smell of roses.... now a days it seems like older women don't wear perfume, or they aren't getting the perfume or talc as gifts like they use to. Don't know if talc would mask the smell or make it worse.... or be one more think to clean up if the talc gets all over the bathroom.