Caught in the middle. My mom gives me money to cover all her expenses and pay her bills. She came up with this idea but my brother says she shouldn’t pay me, what should I do?

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My brothers say she shouldn't pay me, she says she should, or would feel like a burden, it's causing a huge family argument which is upsetting my mother/ What is a reasonable amount to pay for room and board/ She has a bedroom, bath and parlor and all her things and mine have had to go into storeage.

Answers 1 to 10 of 10
I think that this is between you and your Mother.. Your brother needs to stay out of it. Is he afraid he will not get "his share"??? If you are caring for your Mother and she is living with you, you should be compensated. take care, J
If you are living with her, the amount of rent and utilities should be split in half.
I think it depends on your financial situation and your moms.If she is well off and you are not and this is the only way she can get care,because your brother will not contribute,go for it .otherwise family is suppose to help family that is what a good family does.If you are the one making sacrifices and are the caregiver,it is your brother who should be contributing financially that is if he is not contributing in another way.Unless brother is your equal in some way in the caregiving he needs to take some responsibility for his mother also,she is mother to both of you.What is brothers role in all of this?
if you wasnt there ur mom would have to pay her bills plus havin someone to come in and care for her .
my bil he stays at his moms house rent free ,food free ,bills free ,plus she pays him weekly to stay and sit with her . cheaper than hiring a nanny .
my dad pays me monthly and id pay all my bills and whats left of it is none . he stays at my home .
so 700 a month is real cheap . i wish i could pay my bills 700 a month but it isnt 700 a month . its 3 times more than that !
tell ur brother to stick his nose somewhere eles . u shouldnt have to do that for free , ask him to ck around and see how much it is to hire someone to sit with her and maybe he;ll shut his mouth real quick once he finds out the $$$ ching changgg .
elderly people feel better when they pay you something they are old school, nothing for nothing is not in there motto! My mom is 88 and i do all her driving and taking her to her appointments, she is not using a walker, wheel chair, or cane, and only takes 1 pill for high blood pressure ( I AM BLESSED) she tells me how much she appreciates me, and then will say let me give you check, i will tell my mom it is ok i have money but thank you, and she gets mad, as far as the brother, i let him talk to the hand! i have 4 brothers, whom live far away it is just me here with my mom, and my daughter and grand kids who help me
Well, if your mom goes on Medicaid in the future, Medicaid will look at all the money mom paid you within five years of her application as a gift that will limit her benefits. UNLESS you have a care giver contract drawn up and keep a daily log of everything you're doing for mom. I think it's horribly unfair, but there it is.

In spite of that rule, mom pays me $1000 a month. I take it knowing it will all have to be paid back if/when she goes on Medicaid. I can easily afford to do that. It's just something that makes ME feel better for all the things I do for her.

I'm NOT sure what Medicaid rules are regarding helping with utilities and food. If they treat that the same way, I'd say seniors are getting HORRIBLE representation in Congress. Paying those kinds of bills should be a given.

So, then it becomes what's fair for THAT. If there are three of you in the house, you, your spouse and mom, then "fair" is everything split three ways: all utilities, real estate taxes, food and repairs. 'Course that's "The World According to Maggie."

Too bad your brother even knows about your arrangement. It's none of his business. Tell him that, if mom wants to move in with him and he can provide the same care you're providing, he should invite your mom with him for half the year. Most likely, that'll shut him up.
For 26 years, my mother lived with me. She paid me $300 a month for rent and contributed to groceries. She did the housework, laundry, and cooking, while I did the running around and taking her to doctors and shopping. As she got older, I took over the household chores; but she still insisted on paying me. Unless brother wants to pay, tell him to back off.
Get a caregiver contract, signed notarized & certify mail it to brother. If you don't he will not let this issue rest. I have a brother like that. Only thing he listens to is an expensive letter from an attorney. What a shame.
Top Answer
Medicaid does NOT expect elders to live on thin air. Of course it is OK for them to pay room and board. In some states it is also OK for them to pay a relative for care, if they truly need care. They'd certainly have to pay a stranger if the relative was not involved.

I think that Mom's bills (credit card, insurance, clothing, storage, etc.) should be paid directly from Mom's account. Don't mix your funds and her funds in the same account.

If Mom does not have a healthcare directive, a POA document, and a will, now would be a good time to see an attorney who specializes in Elder Law and have these documents drawn up. While you are there get a simple room and board agreement (and if appropriate a care agreement) drawn up.

As to how much, that depends on what the going rate in your area is, and what your mother can afford.

I firmly believe we should give our parents the dignity of paying their own way, to the extent that than can, for as long as they can.

Your brothers are way off base. Send them a copy of the agreement(s) you have drawn up.
I fully understand mom wanting you to take care of her finacial obligations. it is probably a great relief to he. i do however agree that mixing funds can cause problems in the future.
If she is still able to at least sign her name on a check why not have her sign the checks after you fill in the amount being carefull to note the reason for the payment.Also keep a simple note book with all of her expences and income. you can also charge her mileage for anywhere you take her. use the standard rate but remember Dr appts are at the lesser medical mileage. do not use cash so there is a paper trail for medicare to follow. I am not familioar with care agreements but that sounds an excellent idea if she is able to pay you above and beyond basic necessities.
Yes family should help family but it should not put them in the poor house especially if the caregiver has to give upp otside employment.

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