My sister is nice enough to care for mom every so often so i can get a break, but mom bulldozes her and now my sister doesn't want to help. What can I do?

Asked by

This past weekend, Mom's Depend was only changed once and her feet weren't cared for at all. Mom wouldn't let her help. Also, when my sister took Mom to her house so that she could get some laundry done, my Mom threw a fit and my sister brought her back home.

I've scheduled Visiting Angels to send a caregiver every other weekend so that my husband and I can have a few hours away. At one point, my sister said it would be helpful if I could get someone during the day when we take long weekends so that she could go to work so I have scheduled that with the service.

Unfortunately, when I updated the family about Mom's antics this morning after my weekend away and the trouble Mom caused my sister, my sister seems to have gotten her nose out of joint and now she says she didn't have a bit of problem with her and the weekend went smooth so she doesn't understand why I would have a problem with her. (What happened to the reality of the feet and the Depends?) Now my sister doesn't like the idea of the service.

Luckily, I am the 24x7 caregiver and the one in charge of the relationship with the service and I will use them no matter what because I need the respite. But oh my goodness!

Answers 1 to 4 of 4
I can understand having a messy Depends on more than one day...but what's with the feet? Did her nails just need to be trimmed? And that can happen any day, not an emergency. In fact I need to do them nails of mommo too! Happy caregiving y'all! I haven't had a weekend off in 12 years!
I've been working with Mom's podiatrist to get her feet back in shape since she moved in with me - they had been neglected for quite some time and no one realized. So I finally have them in decent shape but it requires daily care and we see the podiatrist every 10 weeks.

In addition, by my sister allowing Mom to bulldoze her, Mom actually becomes very agitated. We, she and I, had a heck of a day trying to get her settled back down. As caregiver, I figure my job is not only to take care of Mom but also to try and make these days as happy as they can be given that she is stage 6 dementia.

I know I have it a lot better than the majority of folks that are on this forum. There are still frustrations and I would rather vent them here than always hit my husband with them. He is already suffering physically from the stress of having Mom living with us at the same time that his work is driving him crazy.

So, sorry if I bothered you with what you perceived as my "not an emergency" issues.
Well when it comes to caregiving believe you learn what is hot and what is not.....feet can get overlooked cause they are alllll the waaaay down there and have socks and shoes on...and don't get noticed until bathtime usually. My mom's feet are not so nice either, never have been. My mom's got nails that look like they are folded in half yeah the feet are important so you don't get underlying infections and stuff.
We all have our little emergencies and they are different for all of us. I definitely worry more about Mom's pull-ups because of UTI's. Her feet get attention every few days. Does she have diabetes? In that case, an everyday check would be a good thing.

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support