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This is truly nerve racking to me. She acts totally helpless. She is 79 and always says she's 90. I tell her that she's not 90 and she needs to stop saying that. Because that's probably why she's seeming helpless.

Oh and don't let her get around someone else, she really acts helpless then like she can barely walk so that they can jump to her tune.

I know my Mom and she plays on people and it's extremely irritating to me. She's not going to break my back by leaning on me, when she has her walker, etc. She's always been a very needy person and now it's really showing.

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My suggestion is the same as Beaone. My first thought with the stuttering is a mini-stroke.

If she has always "used" people, that is another matter, but it also could be a sign of dementia. Don't let her use you, but get her diagnosed and if she needs them, on meds. It may be easier for you both.
Carol
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Mgflowers, I am so glad you are receiving such great information and support, thats how we all get through tough times. Yes, LOVE is an ACTION and you are doling it out by the bucket load!!! Give yourself a heafty pat-on-the-back from all of us! When a caregiver realizes that Love is an Action , (sometimes a feeling goes along) then it moves us to do the impossible. You say in your note "I am the only one that has ever given her quality care," (emphasis on quality). it is because you are moved by action to provide the love to your mother that she may not be able to show you. You are a mature, gracious woman to be able to put aside the feelings of resentment and sorrow to do what brings you to a higher spiritual level. Giving quality care under these circumstances is truly honorable. Try not to take your mother's "I love You" lightly. She may not be able to "do the love" but the words are still valuable. It's the only way she can communicate to you how important your care for her is. She may not be able to expess that in any other way. Though she caters to your brother's she probably realizes they would not provide the care for her at all. It's her way to be accepted by them. It can be very humbling to care for the most intimate needs of another person but its not at all trivial. Be proud of the care you have chosen to give to your Mother. It is the most ultruistic act of love you can do for another. Linda
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I thank you all for your support and comments. I truly appreciate it and don't take it lightly. Believe me, it's only because of my love for God that I can do for my Mom and get through this. He gives me the strength to endure everyday and I vowed that I wouldn't place my Mom in a home. She will be with me and my family and we'll take care of her for as long as she's on this earth.

She'll be 80 in September and I am going to plan an 80th Birthday Surprise party for her.
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Hello Mqflowers. I have a very similar prob to yours although my mother has not been diagnosed with Alzeimers or Dimentia. I have been the only one for the past 7 years who has really helped my mum. My 3 siblings all who are a lot older than me do practically nothing. I have tried to get help from interenet, phoning organisations and tried to get some help but I have got none from any organisation. the only other family member I talk to about it on rare occasions says they have their own problems and is sick of hearing about it! I feel so alone and I now my mother is resorting to throwing things across the room and in my face! I have blown up at her for doing it and currently we are now not speaking. We have fell out a hell of a lot in the recent years and nobody is sympathetic. if I ask my brother for help - he ends up falling out with me and doesn't speak to me again! Its his way of getting put of any responsibility. I can't handle it any more. She is not like this with anyone else only me! I was supposed to be moving very close to her so that things would be easier for me but I am now thinking seriously about moving very far away. I get ill when this happens. It's between every 2 - 6 weeks different things occur and no matter how I deal with it the outcome is still the same. i feel like I'm bending myself so far out of who I am that I just want to run!!!Forever! I am in my 30's.
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Have her checked for a stroke and Alzheimer's.
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I get the sense from your comments that there is a lot of strain between you and your mother. This can cloud our thinking and color our reactions to our parents behavior. I agree with the comments above; she needs to be evaluated by her Dr. because of these behaviors. One of the hardest things to do as a caregiver is to step back from the situation and look at it objectively. Many times the emotions of childhood present themselves when our parents health begins to fail. Aside from dementia being a possible cause so can metabolic disorders, medications, etc. Have your Mom get a thorough check up. Once a diagnosis is obtained then you can begin to deal with the behavior. In the meantime, try redirecting your mothers actions or comments. Bring up a different subject, or different activity. Try not to respond to the comments and actions that cause you distress and frustration. If it turns out (and I'm sure some of it is) that this is the way your Mom copes with her view of her
situation (as she has probably done in the past) then I suggest that you speak to a professional about how to interact with her. A social worker, support group for caregivers, Alzheimer's Assoc. all have learned how caregivers can manage these behaviors in a positive way for both of you. Linda
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I agree with other people who said to get a thorough physical exam ASAP. It could totally be a stroke with the stuttering.
Urinary tract infections in the elderly are a common culprit for sudden behavioral changes, but usually don't involve stuttering.
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Thank you all. Linda you are absolutely correct. Me and my Mom have never had a close relationship. My two worthless brothers are the two she's catered to and can do no wrong, and I do resent that. She loves them and love is an ACTION word and she definitely shows it. However, with me, all I get is I love you, but there's been no ACTION behind that love. She's never done anything for me at all, but does everything for them.

She's been tested for dementia and does have it and a touch of alzheimer. She's on medication, Aricept. I'll have the doctor check into the studdering when she goes back to him the end of the month.

I am the only one that has ever given her quality care, and I feel like all I am good for to her is to change her bowel (colostomy) bag, which has truly humbled me as that's no joke. I am the pooper scooper and that certainly makes me feel a little low.
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