spooky1962 Asked January 2013

Mother refuses medical care...what do I do?

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My mother refuses to go to the doctor. She has pernicious anemia and frequent UTI's in the past. The anemia requires a shot monthly. She says she doesn't have it anymore, which is not true...She has not been formally accessed for Alzheimers but doctor says she has dementia. My father died of it, so i am familiar with the disease. What on earth am i gonna do?? I can't drag her,and we are not well off enough to hire nurses. I could cry.

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Labs4me Jan 2013
The law allows mentally ill adults the choice as to whether to take their medication, an elderly adult with dementia should have the same rights. If they became a physical danger to themselves or others it would be different. The elderly do have the right to make their own medical choices if they have the mental capacity to do so. Dementia and alzheimer does not necessarily make a person incapable of making medical choices.
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Jaye Jan 2013
need comfort, I understand this my Mom tells me that alot too... She is a woman with a strong faith, and then talks about being alone... We actually put my Mom on a very mild or lose dose anti-depressant. It has seemed to help. I will be very quick to tell you she does NOT know what it is, or she would NOT take it!... I feel quilty somewhat but it does seem to be helping!!!
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I have this same problem, Mom will not go to a doctor. She's moaning and groaning in her sleep, so loud it wakes me. This a.m., I saw blood on the floor, not alot of blood. She's also talking in her sleep..."I'm sick of this". My Handsome Kitty died Dec 2nd 2012, my little girl baby Tweety died last Sunday. I still feel peaceful, the Lord is with me, but I also feel broken in two. Love hurts that's for sure.
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Jaye Jan 2013
I have had this issue with my Mom. She is extremely stubborn and does what she wants when she wants for the most part. My Father passed away 2 years ago. Not even 2 wks after Dads death Mother had a heart attack. She still denies it, and we have sadly had difficulty getting her to take her medication. She does not accept that there is indeed things wrong. I think you have to encourage her and try to reason with her and I know this is a challenge. I finally got the Dr to just tell her to take her meds. Mom has dementia too. Maybe the Dr could talk to her. We finally put my Mom on a very mild anti-depressant. It seems to have helped some HOWEVER she does not know what she is taking and would not if it was up to her. I fill her medication and for right now she is taking it fairly well. How old is your Mom??? Is it possible that she is just done, really tired and does not feel she can fight anymore??? Please take care...
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konacaregiver touches on a valid point - it may become necessary to "pick and choose" which meds you even try to get down. For example, mom's cholesterol med was one Dad and I decided she could probably stop. I also agree that our elderly are often over medicated to their detriment.
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spooky1962 Jan 2013
well,I got the doc to take a sample...just brought the cup home.It was awful looking.we shall see.She is not doing well today.:(
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indiana25 Jan 2013
Why do doctors want to prescribe different anti-psychotic medications for the elderly? It's really experimentation - just maybe they will find one that improves the elderly persons "mood". Ask for a list of the meds they are trying, then read the side effects from those meds. Some of them are awful - which could explain why your Mom behaves as she does. I cared for my father-in-law for eight years - he had basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer on his ear). Half of one side of his face was missing as the cancer spred. It was horrible and Dad did not like to keep a bandage on it. To a stranger it was truly a shocking sight. He would let me bandage it when we went out. At home I did what he asked and didn't push him. Insisting he take or do something only seem to make the situation worse; which just didn't seem logical. I talk to many people with elderly parents and the words "grumpy or stubborn" always seem to come up. Try to remember your Mom before she became ill; be kind to her. Cry when necessary. I am sure your Mom wants to cry too. Play her favorite music, softly. Read to her. Perhaps she enjoys talking about "the old days". Even if it doesn't make a lot of sense, let her talk. Share in the conversation, even if it seems a little weird. Do all that you can to make her remaining years as peaceful and pleasant as possible. I am telling you this so you will be a peace after your Mom passes. You do not want to look back and wish you had been nicer, or done something better, etc. You and your Mom are in my prayers and I hope you find the strenght from faith to care for your Mom in the best way possible. God willing we will all live to be "elderly" and hopefully our senior years will be good ones; but there are no guarantees.
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spooky1962 Jan 2013
sounds just like mine.You need a hug.♥
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needcomfort Jan 2013
I feel your pain! I have a 92 year old mother who has dementia, hardening of the arteries, and has had several small strokes. She ended up in the emergency room a week ago with her electrolytes all mesed up, her potassium level was at the danger level, too low. This was all from her not wanting to eat or drink! In her mind this makes her sick. When at the hospital for 4 days and on fluids by IV, she still did not eat hardly any of her food. The whole time at the emergency room and in the hospital she kept telling me she wanted to die. She will tend to do this when she can't get her way! The dementia has caused her to do things like try to make a phone call with the remote control, hide things and not remember where she put them such as her keys in the refrigerator. She went to use the iron one day and tried to put egg beaters into the holes on the bottom of the iron! The Dr. said she needs 24 hour care & cannot be alone anymore and had me move her to a nursing home from the hospital. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life!! The Dr said if I tried to take care of her myself it would drive everyone in my family crazy and cause my marriage to possible be in trouble because dementia only gets worse. Well, now I have to face my mother being furious with me for putting her there, even though it is the best place for her. Every time I visit with her (which is almost every day) all she talks about wanting to go home to her place! She doesn't seem to understand that 24 hr care will end up being even more exspensive than a nursing home. So what can I tell her. The nurses say to ignore her, but how can I when all she talks about is this and then starts with the "I want to die bit and that she prays every night that she won't wake up. If she keeps up with that thye will probably send her to a psych hospital! I couldn't live with myself if they did that. When I am with her I feel guilty because I am neglecting my family, when I am home I feel guilty because I am not with her because I know when I go back up there she will make me feel that way! So, I feel for you and will pray for you and your mom!
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spooky1962 Jan 2013
my mother is not on any drugs at all.
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