What do you say when your mom declares someone is stealing her things like money, pills, etc.?

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my mom is sure that we are stealing her money, not giving her meds, and rearranging her room, nothing I say helps, makes me frustrated

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Has anyone tried using the covers of older magazine or copies to stimulate the mind of someone with dementia? I'm thinking about taking these copies of covers( i.e. Saturday Evening Post) when visiting patients with dementia?
Moore2Come
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Thanks for the response. I do agree that i need to stay away from the flash points with mom.
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My daughter steals my sticky notes all the time and goes through my box of things I like. I went to my memaws home far away and brought home a rock and she just threw it out. I remember by looking at notes, objects and thigs. If I see a featrher and pick it up and bring it home she throws it away- worry about bird flu. I do not hoard. Hoarding is different. It is a neurosis pattern. My memories are in my box. I do not bring home trash. I take one thing from the beach-maybe a shell and write the date and it helps me to remember that day. I can understand your problem muddpa. Hoarding is a problem that needs to be addressed by a psychologist or a Psychiatrist. I think she had 50 cent pieces and I think someone stole them unless she hid them and forgot but I bet you they were stolen or they are there among her hoarded stuff. People with dementia may forget things and then days or years later something triggers their memory. It happens to me all the time. I forget from one day to the next and then sometimes I can remember things from long ago and sometimes I remember something from not long ago. Don't we all do that? It is called mis-placing something. Dementia manifests paranoia and all sorts of neurosis'-I am on a roll today my daughter said. But I am serious. Listen to your mother in law. She is not a liar she may be confused but be nice to her. Take a deep breath and don't get all neurotic about her hoarding let your daughter talk to her if you and her always end up arguing about her house-HER HOUSE! You seem to be a flash point with her. I have books over a hundred years old-who throws away books? Build or buy her a book shelf-be her friend. Tooth brushes are good for cleaning between grout and mud out of shoes where the leather meets the sole. I bet you are a handy man-build her a tooth brush tree. Ask her what she wants with those old wooden spoons and damaged bowls- You wrote: Anything I decide she would not miss, she takes back out of the trash when I am gone-See-that tells me she knows you moved her stuff and she doesn't like that0I don't like anyone in my box. What if she did that to you? What if she went to your house and took things she thought you might not miss and threw them in the trash? You would hller and call her crazy! You would say she stole my stuff! You want to be a good son in law and I believe your intentions are good but she needs counseling or un-biased intervention. You are on her S list so cool it. Don't try to argue with someone who may be sick. Help her in other ways to regain her trust in you or has it always been cross-ways with her? Fix her basement so it doesn't flood anymore-Mold is poison--that your wife must address as a health issue. If you want to stay on her S list don't throw her trash in her trash take it to the dump and suffer the wrath later. I understand your point but I just remembered something The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Let your wife be the heavy-be nice to MIL-gain her trust and play good cop bad cop only you be the good cop. Reverse your roles. Old Clothes? People make money seling Olde clothes. I just remembered my daughter sold boxes of my wifes old clothes-I forgot-she owes me a dinner for that but since I cannot eat I wil make her buy something. I want a wind chime on my wifes grave. Thank you
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My mother continues to tell me about how the home care people took her fifty cent pieces, the stock of toothbrushes; the garden hose etc. This is years after these people were actually in her home. She is a hoarder of sorts - she keeps books; clothing from whenever and even damaged bowls. Anything i might decide she would not miss, she takes back out of the trash when i am gone. The direct approach just makes her angry and more stubborn about doing whatever i propose. Because I tend to get into an argument easily with her, my wife helps me out - telling me to stop whatever and/or taking over in the discussion. Even then, its usually a futile thing. She has had flooding in her basement several times and refused to throw out items that are moldy -"i can dry them out".
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my mom 74 years old and she lives alone she has nurses, and caregivers coming my husband and i comes over so every often i call her she has 2 and my brother but my brother dont even call her or myself to see how she doing she had a car accident and she had to get rehabilation she wasnt suppose to stay that long she stayed 2 years in the nursing home my brother was in the same city ll he did was go and see did she have money and didnt bother to go see her no more and my mother always had an anger toward me even though i went through all the abuse and child molestation during 10-12 years of age she was an achoholic and left me i the care of anyone but i didnt tend to beangry and be resentful i forgave my mom my brother always try and bring that up because i had a abusive childhood my husbabd and i got my mom out that nusing home got her back on her feet with income and an apartment to cal her own we take her to whatever she wants to go and she accuse me, my husband nurses caregiver landlord maintence man friend of stealing also she tend to say she see someone in her home and gives away money to her soo called friends landllod says she tends to give away money but she being dispiteful and lot of hatred and talks to me lot im the eemy of the world after all i been through i still tend to think to talk to her of all the things she took me through but give all that up to jesus to pray to look over
i silence myself i keep away maybe 2 weeks she call my mother never in my life never been a forgiven person she never says shes sorry shes also prejudice
imnot to happy abouth that we go into the rummage sale he goes ionto another isle
we go to pawn shops and get movies and she tells me get me a colored movie i dispies of her telling me that we are black she wants black ll black movies what evershe been through picking cotton ect hey thats the past i love all people regardless of race my mom is a racist hateful disrespectful unkind never smile
she wonder why my kids which all grown 5 of them never come around my mom has done so much dirt called dfs workers on me and my husband and they closed the case they never forgetten that they say i not going around her the way she hurt youmom she need help tried and did that she says she dont need help
and my brother he dont want to be bothred with her he topld me he dont want her coming down where she came east st louis he still there and he dont want her to come back and she wants to go back i applied for every apartment for her to be back ther shes not happy here in peoria il and she takes her anger on me and me and my husbad help her to where she is right now today im not angry at all
but she want me to stoop to her level jump when she ay heyyyyy im42 years old
i did all i can im a mother of 5 ggrown children 3 grandchildren they apprecite me and there dad more than she do i got my life to live i lived my life started as early as 13 a mother at that age and she wasnt there for me my brother,and father was she leftme in thier care to go with a man and his daughter i cannot go on i have tears in myeyes and it makes me sick of all the attitde she has toward her own neighbors some has told me your mother mean ect im a very people person love all creed god put us all here to love he sent the right one i raised myself i becamewoman at age 13 never been in trouble with the law non smoker nondrinker i raised 5 children and she has never in there life babysitted them becauseshe was an alcohlic untll 66 years old me and my hasband raised all my children we have 4 together she dont like myhusband but she always ask to take her everywhe she want to go we been married 26 years he keeps me toghther when im stressed and down
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In my grandfather's case, he said someone was stealing from him and we found that several relatives actually were. They hoped no one would believe him but I did and caught the guilty parties in a trap. Often people will take advantage of just such a situation.
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My mom has done all these things. I do know my husband and I cannot leave things on the table anymore or they do come up missing and I find them in her purse. They struggle so hard to just try and understand where they are. Their minds are living in the past. Very sad.
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sumlerc and vhope - a zipped lip is very useful. I have had to detach emotionally (hence I have some peace) from mother, as she has Borderline Personlity Disorder. That doesn't mean I love her any less, but that her "craziness" (which in her case has been life long) hurts me less, I do have to limit my time with her, to stay detached. it is what works best for both of us.

Oh, quakerite - that is funny!!!!! Thanks for the laugh!
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vhope: I may put an outline of my aunt on the toilet so she might sit where she's supposed to and not make a mess all over the floor!
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Menos--an outline...I might try that in some areas. What a great idea.
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