My 68 year old father lives with me, my new husband and my 19 year old daughter. He has no major health issues anymore since we moved him from PA to TN to live with us. Other than depression. Mom died 6 years ago from breast cancer. Even when mom was alive all my dad did was go to work and come come. My mom worked full-time (even during most of her cancer treatments), shopped, cooked, paid the bills, mowed the lawn, cleaned the house, washed the clothes and washed the dishes, etc. My mom was worried that when he retired he would just lay around the house all day watching TV. This is exactly what he is doing living with us. He is depressed (we been to the doctors, the psychiatrists, etc - he goes a few times, doesn't take the medicines they give him and then he cancels the appointments or just doesn't show up). He was prescribed Ativan after my mother died and the dummy dr kept prescribing it for the next 6 years. Of course he got addicted and would take more than he was supposed to then go through withdrawal. It was a nightmare but after a year we (the doctors and I) finally got him off of that medicine. All he does all day long is lay in bed or watch tv and sleep. He refuses to cook or even make himself a sandwich. If we have leftover he will eat those but he drives to either a fast food restaurant every day for lunch. His major health complaint is constipation. He doesn't help around the house at all and he smells musty all time time because he doesn't shower or wash his clothes often enough. Says he doesn't do anything to get the clothes dirty. He is just plain lazy and always was. The doctors tell him he has to start moving around, socializing, etc. He can but won't. He still drives fine, has perfect hearing (better than mine.) I have tried to get him to go to this wonderful senior center which also serves lunch for $2.00. He refuses to go and won't get into the car. Won't help me or my husband out around the house at all. The only thing I refuse to do for him is wash his clothes but I might have to start because they smell so bad and so does him bedroom. If he does come out he sleeps on the sofa (which then smells bad as well). He is even too lazy to use a plate most times when he makes his toast so he uses a paper towel. He says if he uses a paper towel then he doesn't have to make a plate dirty. But he gets crumbs everywhere and makes a mess. He doesn't wash his hands after eating or coughing and my walls, door knobs and light switches get all kinds of grime on them from his dirty fingers and hands.
So after some advise from others we have decided to just ignore him. I'll knock on his bedroom door when dinner is ready and sometimes he comes out to eat and other times not. But his grumpiness and laziness puts a negative vibe in our house even if he stays in his room.
How can I make him do the things the doctor tells him he needs to do to feel better? I have power of attorney but even with that I can't physically drag him to the car and make him go to the senior center. My daughters college is right down the road from the senior center and we had worked out that she would drop him off two days a week at 9am and pick him up after her classes at 12:30pm. He refused to go. Now he says he might want to move back to PA. The reason I had to move him down here is his ativan addiction, his loss of weight (down to 108 lbs). My alcoholic brother lived with him (he did not work or help out around dad's house either) and they were always fighting and would always call the police on each other. The house was a mess because nobody cleaned it. So when I went home I cleaned it out and with dad's blessing we put it up for auction and sold it. BTW..my dad gets $3,000/month in social security and pension payments and has over $100k in the bank so he is not hurting for money. He says he doesn't want to go to an assisted living facility or live by himself in an apt. But he is living by himself in his bedroom! I know if he started going to the senior center he would like it. I took him for a visit once and I wanted to stay...it was that nice. Says he might move back to PA and have my brother move back in with him but my brother has not changed and if he does move...who has to do all the work...me?
Short of dragging him out of the house...what can I do?