My in-laws have been living with my husband and I and it is starting to take a toll on our relationship, when should I start looking for other living arrangements for them?

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My father-in-law is 84 w/diabetes and dialysis 3 times a week. My mother-in-law is 76 with Parkinson's and beginning stages of dementia. She now needs constant care. My husband and I work full time and have someone looking after her (not a nurse) the 3 days my father-in-law goes to dialysis. When is it time for them to look into other living arrangements for her and/or for my father-in-law?

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Start conversations now. It won't help anyone to continue this way and have resentment build. Look at places together. Explain that they need more help and you will continue to help but they will have the extra bonus of trained help. Patricia has some good words as well as hugs. This will be a difficult transition, but not as bad as continuing with something that doesn't work.

Carol
Look now!! This is a situation that can't get better, only worse. Can you get them in assisted living that has levels of care? It is really less expensive than a Nursing Home and better for them. I am looking at the same situation. Mom has been with me 3 1/2 years and has Parkinson's. We are moving in a year and taking her with us, but will move her to a nursing home in 2 years. I can't give her the care that she needs. Good luck.
As soon as possible. Taking care of a loved one person is hard work especcialy if they have major heath problems. But two I know myself I could not do it. My mother was enough work with working and flying back and forth and when she came to live me it was a hardship on both my husband and myself.My mom was sicker than i could have had knew. But now you have time to call elder care or state social worker and get everything in order. There are some organization that will help and also if mom and dad are not that bad, you may be able to place them toghter in a assisting living for day care until it get to hard. Its is hard to get good help that you can trust in your own home to come into your own home and trust them withyour inlaws heath needs. I went through that with the state of New York. Yes it takes a big toll on a marriage even if they go into a nursing home if needed. I know how it feel you try your best and things do not work out the way we plan. It is hard, and it does not get any easier on you.make sure you have all the legal paper work together and gather all the important paper work.I am sending out a hug to you both and you guys give one another a big hug! bless you both in your journey. Their will a lot of things that come your way, but just stick together n there. patrica61
I echo the response of all who commented before me. The situation isn't good for any of you if the air is perpetually charged with tension. You and your husband can have your lives back, your inlaws can have good, appropriate care, and your relationship with them is most likely to improve once they reside elswhere. It doesn't mean you love and respect them any less. Good luck.

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