Where do I go from here? Mom was my life and now she is gone. I walk thru this house lost.

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I am taking moms loss well. There is no need to be sad. Mom is now at peace. My husbands says I am in shock. But I feel such as sense of calmness. I did my best to take care of mom so there is no guilt. Maybe thats why I feel calm. I just feel lost, I was so used to my strict routines with mom. I want to get back to work and move on. But where do I start again? I have been out of the work force for almost 3years. The job industry is crap. Higher education is not financially feasible at this time. A while back ago I was offered a good job but declined. Now position is gone.
How do I start putting my life back together? I am no longer the person I used to be, pre-mom. The world has moved on and I was forgotten.

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Good luck to you Corelynn55 so happy for your new beginnings. The Hospice or elderly advocacy sounds like a wonderful place to start. I think when things change for me too...I might have to check into that also. I used to clean houses for the elderly and I loved the stories, they always made me smile. Seems like there is a big need for people like us to help them. What a mission. Blessings to you and your husband.
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You have told MY story! I have a "paper trail" I can't file and clean up because it will mean my mom is really gone and though I know that intellectually, emotionally it might be a different reaction. I love the last note's idea about getting into hospice or geriatric care, even as a volunteer in an office setting if you feel the one-on-one contact is not right for now. Also, I am checking on advocacy for the elderly opportunities with senior centers in my area. We are waiting to find our next purpose in life and I bet we figure it out soon! Hang in!
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i too am care giver to my mom,its really gotten intense the last 3 months,but i tell her she is training me for my next career move.
i think i would like to do this on a part time basis for the vns hospice.
that might be your answer to your feeling of lonelyness.
with the boomers being such a large group, caregivers are a shortage,and you have had expirence
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yellowfeever - Sorry, I have been busy myself and did not note your mom's passing too. Mine passed on the 20th, quitely at home, she had slipped into semi- coma as I was warned she might considering her condition. On to your question, I think once I get past the period of adjustment, which is what you are going through, I will have no trouble passing my time, I have a very wide range of interests, none of which include my fair-weather friends or relatives, I have classes I want to take and I may get to visit a couple friends who have bothered to keep touch in CA. It occurred to me yesterday that for about two years I have been running on pure adrenalin, now that not as many demands are being made on my time, I find that I am terrribly, terribly tired. I have been taking care of after-effects, I got the last of the thank-you notes written yesterday and the necessary things like insurances and pension plans notified, some bills as yet still need to be notified, today I have been taking the Christmas things down to the cellar and will spend the rest of the day storing them, but in general I have to sit down and rest oten (right now I am watching the Rose Parade, I like the marching bands) or try to nap, but I find I still cannot sleep and get a good rest. A little trouble with the factions of relatives that I expected to have a problem with has given me a nasty "taste in my mouth", very depressing. But I think the adrenalin thing is at the root of it, plus my next trial of having heart surgery within a few weeks. One foot ahead of the other.
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Yellowfever, maybe while you get your 'sea legs' again, you ought to volunteer somewhere. That way you can ease your way back into the flow of things without going through the stress of jumping back into the job seeking market all at once. Your husband is right, you are shell shocked sort of, so ease your way back into life with baby steps. Actually my first thought was going to a grade school and volunteering. I've never heard of a public school that couldn't use the extra hands have you? And it might be refreshing to help out kids for a change.
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We are so used to keeping busy and distracted. take a little time to just be. Quiet time with yourself, feeling your feelings, breathing and trusting your own inner spirit to speak to you when it is time. Feel how your body feels. Let your mind explore your inner sensations from head to toe. It is only you should not forget you. You are the one who can re-hatch yourself into a new butterfly. What an opportunity you have to recreate based on your own inner promptings. Be quiet long enough to hear them. Be blessed and be happy, dear one.
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YF~ First my condolenses. I'm glad you feel peace for taking good care of your mom. Eddie gave a good answer and I hope you will get more good answers. I will be in your shoes one day and I am terrified of the "loss" you talk about. I just said a prayer for you so God will lead you back to yourself. I understand that so much. Just telling hubby this morning that I am no longer the same and wonder if I'm stuck in this personality or will I one day return to myself, when this journey is over. Maybe you could take a trip to where you daydream about seeing. For me it would be in the tropics. But reward yourself, for a job "well done". Feel you mom's warm loving presence and try to soak up the energy of the beauty of the world. You may not be yourself pre-mom but visualize what you want yourself to be now. You probably are in shock. I totally believe my mom will outlive me. She is going on 93...(her mom outlived 5 out of 6 kids)
Be kind to yourself, pamper yourself. It has to be hard to be in the "routine" and have it broken. I myself worry about just what you are dealing with now. You are probably flittingn around like a moth to a flame. Give yourself some time to decide what you want to do. I wouldn't jump into a job that is unfullfilling. You have been through a rough stretch. Think about what would make you happy, you deserve it. It's been a stressful ride, don't jump into any more stress..jump into happiness as your mom would want for you.
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YF:

Reclaiming your life through community reintegration and self-sufficiency will make anyone drop his dentures. You're at a crossroads; grieving, lonely, daunted. But giving in and giving up wasn't an option when you were a caregiver.

For now, stop haunting your own house and take a stroll through the neighborhood when the sun is high and bright. Sit on a park bench and strike a conversation with someone seemingly harmless and receptive. S/he might think you went out to lunch and never came back, but it doesn't matter. The purpose is getting back to life.

You can also surf the Web for Bereavement Groups to alleviate the shock laced with bits of denial that you're going through. Sharing with others will help you accept the loss and get through the healing process.

Your husband's arm around your shoulders is definitely a start.
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