My sister has power of attorney for my mom after we moved from Texas a year ago. My sister is demanding an accounting from when I was POA? Do Illegally have to do this?

Asked by

Since I am no longer my mother's agent, does my sister legally have this right? I cared for my parents for six years and had power of attorney. There was never any issue with how I cared for my parents or handled their affairs. We had a disagreement over giving my sister financial help for a questionable dental procedure at the cost of $7,000 and demanded we help with the cost. My husband refused stating that we weren't consulted and that we have contributed to my parents financially. This sparked a whole fight over money and she thinks that we abused my parents finances. Even though she knew exactly how their finances were handled, I sent her a reasonable accounting. She also had first hand knowledge of everything due to the constant phone calls, email and her periodic yearly visits.

She has been nothing but horrible since our move and I just want her to stop.

Thank you.

Answers 1 to 9 of 9
No, she does not have that right. Where was she those 6 years? I have POA & I'm having a similar problem with my sister who lives hundreds of miles away. My sister threatened to sue me if the $$ was not handled according to her rules. I have since learned she has no authority over me. When she badgers me about $$, I tell her she just wants more $$ for her inheritance. After doing that a few times, she shut up. I don't understand siblings who are more concerned with the $$ rather than the care & well being of a parent. Pay her no mind. Enjoy your new life. Good luck to you.
Have you been getting monthly accountings from her fo the past year?
Top Answer
When someone has the POA it is a fiduciary duty to handle financial affairs. So anyone having the POA has a legal responsibility to prove that the financial transactions are... "in the behalf of" the person who signed you to have this duty. So I would think if you had POA, you have accounting records, and if your sister has POA now, it's her duty to sort through the accounting of funds, past and present and for future planning. If you both have a common goal in helping your mom, work together, not apart. Don't waist good energy !!! You need good energy for your mom!!!!!
Ignore her. How does she think that it is appropriate for her to ask that her mom pay for her dental procedure? It sounds like she is angry that there isn't more money in the pot for her to use and now she wants to know why. If there are large ticket items that you can explain, then do so. If it's just the day to day stuff, she should be able to figure it out. It's a difficult job being a caregiver and motivations differ. Tell her to quit calling you about this; what done is done and welcome to my use to be world.
Thank you all for your support. It would be nice if we could work together like we used to, but she is so angry at us for moving and disrupting her life, that she'll never reconcile. She has it in her head that I abused Mom's money and only gave her the care that Medicare or her supplement would pay for and nothing more. Also she believes that I resented having Mom and felt she was a burden. Despite how hard it was to take care of my parents, it was my joy to care for them I may not have always done things perfectly, but no one prepares you for caring for your elderly parents. It's a whole new ball game.

I need to respond to the letter sent by her attorney friend. In the letter, they sited the Texas Probate code. However according to the code, by not complying with request for accounting, the agent's authority could be revoked. It seems to me that since I am no longer POA and no longer live in Texas, I do not have a legal obligation to get her an accounting, although I have to the best of my ability and records that I have. The sad thing is, is that she knew everything and had access to their accounts. The accounting and cash flow that I gave her, tracks every penny spent on them from the accounts. Should I consult with an attorney or wait to see what happens after I reply?
Having a lawyer friend write you a letter on fancy letterhead is a good bluff. But my guess is you are right. If the penalty is that you lose POA, what is the risk? If you have already provided an accounting as best you can, politely refer to that and offer to answer questions about any specific transactions. Personally, I wouldn't get an attorney at this point, but that is just my opinion.

Poor Sister. She didn't ask for having her life disrupted in this way, and she had no control over your move (nor should she have). When you feel your life spiralling out of control you may become a little crazy. Let us hope that time will promote healing and you can be rconciled someday. Meanwhile, you have nothing to feel guilty about and you don't need to be defensive or apologetic. For the sake of not burning any bridges try to remain polite and respond factually, without a lot of emotion. Sister is the one having the meltdown. You can be the calm voice of reason.

Good luck.
She is just harassing you. I would respond with a certified letter stating that you have complied with her request for an accounting & include copies of what you have sent before. She sounds so much like my sister. I no longer have a relationship with her. All communication with her is done via text or email, so I have proof of what is said. Protect yourself & enjoy your new life. Your sister is toxic. Take care.
I wish I had thought about this forum when we first moved, it would have helped me so much. I have been racked with guilt since all this started and second guessed everything. Thankfully, I have great friends in Texas who supported me and found a wonderful book, "God Wants You Happy" written by Father Jonathan Morris. It has given me a new perspective and has brought me some peace, but it's a work in progress. Part of me wishes I had just moved her with us, but I didn't want to risk having to move her again. She's a trooper and pretty much goes with the flow, but it is still hard on her.

Thank you all for your words of support.
i was my mothers main caregiver for 5yrs. when she died my sister was exc of will and did not help me with mom. my mom gave me her car knowing i had sister sold the house and i did not know till she came over and told me to be out in 3 weeks she charged me 5,000.00 for a car that was a gift. can i sue her for keeping the money for a gift and can i sue for being her 24hr caregiver?

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support