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mabailey, I would try to get as much of this in order while the parent cognitive mindset is still working in order to sign important papers if necessary.

gailbrowder, thank you for taking your time putting up a very resourceful list..We saw a elder attorney n didn't have the information you have got.
Rackem, that is just so unbelievable of that company. Glad you told them to sue your dad for that was so funny. No one should have to go through such a mess when u even supplied the documents.
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Got all that was stated, but I also got a quit claim for the house too. My daughter lives in it there. I am in another state. I have mom with me. But she pays the bills with being on the account up there. She is trustworthy. I am also having her sign the quit claim too, as I am older now too and I don't want any problems for her if and when I die. She questioned me about it . She knows I may have to sell house if she moves. I know it won't be a problem, my lawyer up there said he wished all families could work so well.
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He is from the "old school", he doesn't like to rock the boat! If I had MY way she would be thrown overboard in a heartbeat!!! However he still thinks he can get through to her??? It's beyond me? I really have no say here, because nothing is in my name. So it has to be between he and his sis. I am merely the little voice in his head that says"you need to contact your lawyer.....get things down on paper and in writting"! We are trying to figure out the mess of paperwork, bank work, and what was filed and what wasn't, This was all "THROWN" at us, by his sis after she spent everything she could get her hands on, then decided she was done with the "Family"! So it is me and her bro that think she is crazy, it wasn't a Dr's. diagnosis (although i'm sure they would agree!) persay. We are going day to day on this right now. When my mom and gram passed MY siblings were there, we all came together as a family should when they know how to "LOVE"! My ILs didn't have the capacity to love anything but "keeping up with the Jones",.. really after 33yrs of being in it (by marriage only)I am astounded at the lack of feeling except and only if there is something they can get from you! I always felt like an outsider, because my family hugs, and jokes, we have laughter and fun, but not at the expense of others, but because we truly love each other. Not the same in my husbands fam., we couldn't even hold hands in his parents house?! Lots more on this , but not much time.......! We will do all that is nessesary to get things in order, with or without the SIS. If this were only a disagreement or argument we wouldn't be in this position! This family hold grudges forever! But thanks for the heads up. Will keep my smile on and let her BS slide right off my back, she can't hurt you if your stronger!! ...Godbless
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Dear stressedoutmom,
If u and husband aren't able to have an adult and logical conversation and husband already has POA, why even bother with SIL? If she is nuts, crazy and out of her mind, then she shouldn't even be let into the situation since her brain is off kilter. Let your attorney know how SIL is and I think he will agree. Be sure to allow husband to get Medical POA too [living will]-don't need an attorney for that one, but I think to make it totally secure, let your attorney know about it or get it notarized or something. Why does he "have to" speak to SIL about these matters if she's out of her mind and doesn't want to participate? Let her not participate, just get it all legal through your attorney, or hire one if you don't have one. All of my siblings wanted to be involved so that's why it went very smoothly and all came to agreement of the things that needed to be done before and after Daddy's passing and Mom in hospice right now. That is not to say that we did have some arguments and disagreements along the way, we did, but we all resolved it by talking about it and each others feelings about all of the matters that affected Mom and Dad because we all wanted to be involved and agreed beforehand that we all must still be on the same page should things change in Mom and Dad's health. And believe me, things will change a lot. A lot!!
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What if you are not able to have an unstressful conversation?? My husband has been trying to have one of these allusive conversations with his sis, regarding his mom, for 2yrs now!!!? He has tried many many times and this woman gets so volital that all she can utter are profanities! My husband is a quiet man, it takes a lot,( and when I say a lot I mean a LOT!),to get him riled!! But he has to speak to this woman about these matters and so far it's been a uphill climb. She (the sil) has refused to do anything anymore ( not that she was before), but since my husband was handed over the POA (sis had it for years without her bros knowledge,so she could use up all her parents money, and when it was gone she left to....)!This is what he has to deal with now, it is taking so long due to the fact we(my husband and I) are paying his moms bills thanks to this sis!! You can't talk to her she is the one who is NUTS, CRAZY.... OUT OF HER MIND! FYI,... these are the exact names she calls her own mother.........what a loving daughter......EUWWWWWWWWW!! So slowly we are getting this to happen, I'll let my husband deal with the VIPER, because I can't be held accountable for my actions if I see her.....ha ha!!! I keep saying my prayers and that has helped me get by, for now........ Will let you know how all goes........Godbless
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Agree with what everyone said above. All perfect advice.
Do you have siblings? Our financial advisor advised a "sit down" with all of us 3 siblings so that we were all on the "same page" as what to do when that "time happens" so that there were no confusions, rivalries, allocated jobs to do afterwards, etc... Very important to be on the same page. Is your Dad a veteran? If yes, he has benefits from them also, also to your Mom if Dad was a vet and he passes before she does.
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I am grateful that the above list contains the healthcare power of attorney. So many people forget that there might be very difficult decisions to be made before death that can be so well managed if there are conversations about those decisions while everyone is not stressed by impending death. I stress the word CONVERSATION because so often the documents get completed but the conversations about the content does not get discussed. While it is so important that all of the those documents are completed, it does not replace the critical importance of meaningful and compassionate conversations about wishes, hopes and decisions at end of life.
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Hi. My family just met with an elder attorney in Houston to get our documents in order and what they told us is this list is important for every family to have:
1. Durable Power of Attorney - (financal and health)
2. Medical Power of Attorney - (only health)
3. Directive to Physicians (Living Will)
4. HIPPA Authorization (to have access to all medical records)
5. Will - (after death asset allocation)
6. Life Estate Deed to keep house out of probate
7. Enhanced Life Estate Deed

These documents must be signed, notarized and registered with the county.
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Hi Mabailey,
N1K2R3 has the really important stuff. When my dad died, he was pretty organized. It was the simple things, like Cox Cable (only in my dad's name) who caused us unnecessary grief. Even with the death certificate and POA, they wouldn't let my sister, my mom or I cancel the service. If you can get your name on any of the utility accounts, life will be a lot easier. Even when you have the correct documentation, stupid people can stress you out. We ended up telling Cox we were not paying for service anymore, we dropped of the box and we said go ahead and sue my dad..
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I'd be interested to hear from legal counsel here on this site, when looking at this question posed. What important legal documents should be ready on file prior to the passing of elderly parents.
My personal view is:
1) The Will 2) Life Insurance documents 3) Burial wishes 4) All bank accounts including IRA's and last but very least credit card accounts, 5) PASSWORDS AND ACCESS CODES.
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