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My 75 yrs old Mother had a heart attack and 2 stokes in Aug. 2011. She stayed 1 month in the hospital, and 6 months in a nursing home doing rehab. She has been diagnose with dementia. She gets around mostly in a wheel chair she can manage a walker in small areas. She is refusing to stay in a nursing center. She wants to go home. She sayes she is going at the end of Feb. 2012 even if the Dr doesn't release her. My Mother is very stubborn, how she has always got her way in life is to wear people down till they give in. My 2 sister and 1 brother and my self have refused to take her home from the nursing center. The nursing center said that if she leaves without the Dr. ok that she can not have home health aid come in to help. Our problem as far as her going home is that home health aid only does 2 hours a day 4 days a week. So that leaves a good 20 hrs that Mom will be there by her self. There will be no one to give her her medicine, she is on 4 heart med. for blood pressure and cumin which has to be tested weekly. Not including the 7 others I can't spell. My Mother has decided that she doesn't need to wear depends. So you know what that means. My brother doesn't live here and me and 1 sister work full time and wouldn't be able to do any help until after 6 in the evening. That is when we are usally home cooking dinner and taking care of our family. So that leave 1 sister whos schedule is more free and her husband work 4 weeks out of town and 1 week home. She leaves alot to go stay with him. I just feel like the nursing home is dropping the ball. Shouldn't they know how to deal with people like her. Instead their trying to get us to take home a person that can't take care of her self.

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The nursing home should be backing you up and not working against you for they will be liable for making such an unsafe discharge. Who has medical and durable POA for your mother? Is her dementia bad enough for he to be considered incompetent to manage her affairs in a business like manner? You might need a lawyer.
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The person who has the POA and health proxy makes the decisions as to whether she can be realeased without dr. approval. If you do not have this, you need to seek guardianship. I agree...see a lawyer. If you do, however have her health proxy....it is up to you to make the right decision in her care. That would mean that she chose you to make the right decisions while she still had her wits about her.
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You should be discussing this with her doctor at the very least. If she is a resident in this facility - she is THEIR responsibility and they should not be allowing their residents to just 'leave.'. It would be irresponsible of them to allow someone in her condition to just 'leave.' Our local NH has a code that must be keyed in before someone can leave and it is high enough on the wall that someone in a wheelchair cannot reach the key pad. Definitely get your ducks in a row and FAST. You need answers PRONTO. IF your mom goes home ALL her care will fall onto your one sister - SO UNFAIR - been there, done that. You just cannot allow that to happen - for your mom's sake as well as your sister's. Please let us know how this all works out for your family. Hoping for the best. This is never easy.
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I've been through similar situation with my mother. The doctor had her health care proxy invoked stating she is incapable of making decisions for herself. My mother had left rehabs. before against medical advice and yes, you do lose home health care if you are AMA. She required 24 hour care and would not allow her to leave. Sandysandy gave great advice above. This is a difficult situation and my heart goes out to you. Take care.
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My Mom and I are in the same situation. My mom is 91 with heart, stroke and dementia issues. I have her POA and am her Health Care surrogate. I also have control of all her finances. She is aware of this, so when she says "today I am getting out of here", I know she can't, as she has no means of paying for anything. Besides that, my Mom has no place to go. Her dementia is such that she doesn't remember where her last place of residence was. She just knows that she wants to be the way she used to be. For her that means driving a car and being on her own, making her own decisions. I live a long distance away and cannot visit with her, but I call about every other day and reassure her that she needs to be where she is because of her fragile health conditions. I can empathize with your situation and I believe you are doing right by making sure that your Mom is in a safe and secure environment. Unless she/you have the means and willingness to pay for full time care, I don't see an alternative. My Mom would not allow anyone into her home to assist her so I had to opt for the Nursing Home. This is such a tough time for you. Hugs and hang in there.
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She can not go home if she has no place to go and no one to take care of her -talk to the doc and social service let them know this and you could threaten to call the local TV network they would love this story it is even better than Kennedy trying to kidnap his baby and take the 3 day old baby out to get fresh air and hitting two nurses in order to get his wayin the local hospital.
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If you have the POA get the NH social worker, the county Area of Aging social worker and the doctor involved in this. It 's pretty obvious from her description she can't function on her own.
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My mother left a nursing home before it was recommended. She had had knee replacement surgery and the rehab was awful. We had to hire caretakers 24 hours a day for a few weeks. Then I hired someone to come in on a daily basis for 8 hours a day. This was cheaper than the nursing home and better for her. But if she had had dementia as well I would have been very concerned.

One big problem is we had to pay for her care, but her insurance would pay for the nursing home.

Good luck.
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I took my 97 yr old grandmother out of a nursing home w/dementia, schizophrenia, and diabetes from CA to move her to my home in GA. I had no clue what my grandmother was subjected to when I took her out until I brought her home. I quit my job to do all this because she is my family and does not deserve the care of strangers. Since making this decision I have had to ween her off two meds, because she was suddated all day, was bound to a wheel chair from sun up to sun down, and if she didn't eat it was acceptable. She now enjoys family, walks all she wants, and eats meals prepared with love. The elderly are our families who took care of us when we couldn't and now we need to take care of them when they need us most. This world is a mess without our help, so why mess it up more. I pray that you are all at peace with God and that your loved ones have all of your support vs. the nursing homes.

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8
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See if there is somone in Social service who can help you. Don't count on the nursing home. My father-in-law repeatedly said he wanted to go home. But it wasn't possible. One day we had him out for a Dr. appt. We got back rather late because the cabulance got stuck in traffic. When we wheeled him in we were told he had been released while we were at the Dr. appt. When we checked he indeed had been released by his primary care Dr. who had been in the nursing home that afternoon. The staff told him he wanted to go home and he signed the release. I must add he wasn't the Dr. who had ordered his stay in the first place. That had been his surgeon who said he still needed to be there. We yelled and he was reinstated promptly. But they wanted to be rid of him. A short hospital stay promted them to do it again.
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Mamanik, the financial realities for many people is they can't quit their jobs to care for the elderly. They may also have other obligation that make it impossible. They also deserve to live their own lives.

I'm glad that taking care of your grandmother has worked out for you. But there are many other options that can work well for others.

You unkind words and self righteousness serves no purpose.
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It appears that your mother is incompetent. Her MD needs to declare her as being so. If she is incompetent she can't make decisions for herself. Talk to her MD and tell him the problem. Its evident she can't care any for herself. It would be a disaster waiting to happen. Good luck with your decision.
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U and i have the same problem. There is no hope however she can't leave without someone helping her to get there. My mother is in the nursing home for the 3 rd time. This time she stays. All i tell her is that it's up to her doctor to release her.
She stills blames me but i keep telling her "you are the one who told me to call 911"! Nothing will change buuuuuut be prepared for the consequences if you take her out AMA....
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there are adult day care centers... they take people in at 8-4pm, 5 to 6 days a week And if your mom can qualify financially its about 11 dollars a day.
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Mamanik - it is unfortunate that you feel this way. You are blessed to be in a position to quit your job to help your grandmother. Most people do not have that luxury. There are so many situations where a nursing home is the best and safest place for an elderly relative. Jesus taught us not to judge. Every person on this board is doing the best they can and needs and deserves our support for the personal, individual and often difficult decisions they have to make. It's unfortunate that your grandmother was heavily sedated throughout the day - perhaps it should have been monitored more closely.
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As an RN, I can give you the facts per Missouri law. If she has a diagnosis of Dementia, then the Dr. should have already wrote a letter stating she is "Unable to make her own decisions" due to mental status. In which case, her Durable Medical Power of Attorney (DPOA) makes her decisions on her behalf. If she doesn't have a DPOA, then you would need to consult an attorney to have this taken care of. If you are the DPOA, then you need to immediately consult with the nursing homes social worker and administrator. She needs to be placed in a Dementia unit for her safety, if they have one. If not, many places have monitors which can be placed on the resident or their mode of transportation, such as a wheel chair, walker, etc. We call them "Wander Guards" and they will set off an alarm if she goes past the safe zone. If this becomes a ongoing issue of her trying to leave and their is no locked Dementia unit, I would then suggest replacement to a facility which has one.

On another note, see how she is being treated. I would not suggest asking her, but I would stay for a day and hangout. What time do they get her up, how does meal time go, is she sedated all the time, is she kept clean and the general appearance of the facility. I used to teach as class called "Understanding Memory Care". If your mother is acting out and wants to go home, there is probably a reason. The program tought the staff to not look at things they do as "behaviors", but "needs". Is she eating enough, drinking enough, toileted or changed when needed, is she too hot or too cold,is she staying busy and active? People with Dementia have "behaviors" when their needs are unmet. Encourage her to participate in as many actvities as possible. If we keep them preoccupied, they are less often to get agitated. I noticed on the dementia unit where I worked, they just wanted some attention....someone to talk to. I always stopped and chatted whenever possible.

I hope this is helpful.
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I'd also try to show up at different times and days. That way the staff doesn't know when you are likely to visit and treat her accordingly. And it will give you a better idea of how she is being treated at all times of the day.
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If you go to medicare.gov, you will find a web site that rates nursing homes. All of them that take medicare/medicaid have to have annual evaluations. They are graded on staffing, quality, and other items. You can also read about complaints and the inadequacies found in the inspections. This will help determine what kind of NH your mom is in and if there are better ones in the area.

Mamanik: We can look after our relatives without having them live with us. It sounds like your Grandmother was in a terrible place and I commend you for taking her in and improving her life. It's not your place, however, to kick everyone else to the curb with you biblical interpretations. Helping our families or others in need is God's work, but it can be done in many fashions.
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My mother is being taken out tomorrow AMA, she is being taken out by 2 of my sisters who despite the fact that I am POA have managed to work around this. They have forged papers to an apartment complex from her doctor and faxed them saying that mother did not need to be in the home any longer. I do not know if the doctor will file charges or not but we were told today that mom will loose her right to home health care, and her doctor will no longer follow her and there is a possibility that she will loose her SSI check. My sisters think it is better for mom to be out, despite the other 5 of us saying different. They will not let her live in their own homes. They say they will take care of her at her apartment. Since I have refused to see it their way, I have been denied the right to visit her and if she passes, the right to attend her services. I think that to them what mother wants out weighs what she needs. I feel just the opposite.
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If you are your mother's medical POA, you may be held liable for whatever happens to your mother when she is taken out the nursing home against medical advice.
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Does the patient loose her Medicaid benefits if she leaves a nursing facility AMA? Her husband has Medical Power of Attorney.
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Here in Canada no-one gets to walk out of a nursing home. All outer doors are locked and if someone is taken for an outing they have to be signed in and out.
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Mamanik is a self righteous fundie
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Star I'm not religious either but last time I looked it was a free country and everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions. People come here to ask, share, try to make some sense of their own particular situation and get a little comfort. Nastiness and name calling is childish and so unnecessary.
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they can leave but theylle have to know the d**n door code.
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my mother has terminal cancer and dementia and wants to leave the nursing home. Doctors orders are for her to stay. My sister has power of attorney over her so my question is can she leave on her own against doctors orders?
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Your sister can take her out. Your mother on her own shouldn't be able to. And it sounds like she wouldn't get far without someone helping her anyway. However should your sister decide to take her out be sure there won't be some problems with your insurance coverage you were unaware of first.
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My husband walked out in Dec14 he was not taken care of ... now a lot of problems are following What do I do?arizona
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He is a DIALYSIS patient
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Where is he living now?
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