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My 75 yrs old Mother had a heart attack and 2 stokes in Aug. 2011. She stayed 1 month in the hospital, and 6 months in a nursing home doing rehab. She has been diagnose with dementia. She gets around mostly in a wheel chair she can manage a walker in small areas. She is refusing to stay in a nursing center. She wants to go home. She sayes she is going at the end of Feb. 2012 even if the Dr doesn't release her. My Mother is very stubborn, how she has always got her way in life is to wear people down till they give in. My 2 sister and 1 brother and my self have refused to take her home from the nursing center. The nursing center said that if she leaves without the Dr. ok that she can not have home health aid come in to help. Our problem as far as her going home is that home health aid only does 2 hours a day 4 days a week. So that leaves a good 20 hrs that Mom will be there by her self. There will be no one to give her her medicine, she is on 4 heart med. for blood pressure and cumin which has to be tested weekly. Not including the 7 others I can't spell. My Mother has decided that she doesn't need to wear depends. So you know what that means. My brother doesn't live here and me and 1 sister work full time and wouldn't be able to do any help until after 6 in the evening. That is when we are usally home cooking dinner and taking care of our family. So that leave 1 sister whos schedule is more free and her husband work 4 weeks out of town and 1 week home. She leaves alot to go stay with him. I just feel like the nursing home is dropping the ball. Shouldn't they know how to deal with people like her. Instead their trying to get us to take home a person that can't take care of her self.

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Mamanik, the financial realities for many people is they can't quit their jobs to care for the elderly. They may also have other obligation that make it impossible. They also deserve to live their own lives.

I'm glad that taking care of your grandmother has worked out for you. But there are many other options that can work well for others.

You unkind words and self righteousness serves no purpose.
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The nursing home should be backing you up and not working against you for they will be liable for making such an unsafe discharge. Who has medical and durable POA for your mother? Is her dementia bad enough for he to be considered incompetent to manage her affairs in a business like manner? You might need a lawyer.
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The person who has the POA and health proxy makes the decisions as to whether she can be realeased without dr. approval. If you do not have this, you need to seek guardianship. I agree...see a lawyer. If you do, however have her health proxy....it is up to you to make the right decision in her care. That would mean that she chose you to make the right decisions while she still had her wits about her.
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Mamanik - it is unfortunate that you feel this way. You are blessed to be in a position to quit your job to help your grandmother. Most people do not have that luxury. There are so many situations where a nursing home is the best and safest place for an elderly relative. Jesus taught us not to judge. Every person on this board is doing the best they can and needs and deserves our support for the personal, individual and often difficult decisions they have to make. It's unfortunate that your grandmother was heavily sedated throughout the day - perhaps it should have been monitored more closely.
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If you go to medicare.gov, you will find a web site that rates nursing homes. All of them that take medicare/medicaid have to have annual evaluations. They are graded on staffing, quality, and other items. You can also read about complaints and the inadequacies found in the inspections. This will help determine what kind of NH your mom is in and if there are better ones in the area.

Mamanik: We can look after our relatives without having them live with us. It sounds like your Grandmother was in a terrible place and I commend you for taking her in and improving her life. It's not your place, however, to kick everyone else to the curb with you biblical interpretations. Helping our families or others in need is God's work, but it can be done in many fashions.
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My Mom and I are in the same situation. My mom is 91 with heart, stroke and dementia issues. I have her POA and am her Health Care surrogate. I also have control of all her finances. She is aware of this, so when she says "today I am getting out of here", I know she can't, as she has no means of paying for anything. Besides that, my Mom has no place to go. Her dementia is such that she doesn't remember where her last place of residence was. She just knows that she wants to be the way she used to be. For her that means driving a car and being on her own, making her own decisions. I live a long distance away and cannot visit with her, but I call about every other day and reassure her that she needs to be where she is because of her fragile health conditions. I can empathize with your situation and I believe you are doing right by making sure that your Mom is in a safe and secure environment. Unless she/you have the means and willingness to pay for full time care, I don't see an alternative. My Mom would not allow anyone into her home to assist her so I had to opt for the Nursing Home. This is such a tough time for you. Hugs and hang in there.
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Wow! What a way to begin here with a pain filled post like this! I'm sorry for your mother's horrible experience with a nursing home, but know that they are not all that way.

While I understand that is what fuels your venting post, it comes across as a self-righteous ranting rage against anyone who has their loved one in a nursing home.

This is a site where people seek to be supportive of one another, but not spewing such verbal judgment upon them.

I am not accepting your words of judgement and shame. You can keep them.
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Yes, well one nursing home is one nursing home. Many of us have had far better experiences with staff at nursing homes where there are many eyes on the situation, as opposed to a single caregiver isolated at home with the patient. In my opinion, this is particularly true if your loved one has dementia and is paranoid. When my mom tells me that there are floods all the time in the basement of the facility (it has no basement) and that it's been sold again (because a man in a suit walked down the hallway), i don't need to launch an investigation. There are many definitions of "taking care of" family members.
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Lucky wealthy Mamanek to be able to live with no income. JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED ...Matthew 7:1-3
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And wow, Trapper456 is another judger. What if you don't have a family that you can get to chip in on a care provider for home full time. What do you know about that person? I see you "dumped" your mother in a home at some point. I think you probably did no research at all on the home you left your mother in. Sorry to be so harsh; it's just my judgement on you and Mamanek.
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